Surrogacy and Me

Last Thursday at work I had some down time between projects, so I hopped online to research surrogacy. I found a website that had example contracts between surrogates and intended families. Immediately upon reading it, I noticed that it said something about the surrogate's husband and the requirement of his signature. My potential surrogate, AD, has never been married or pregnant, which is why she and I wanted her to do it so badly. She has said the the past month and a half that this might be her only chance to experience pregnancy. Because we love each other so much, we wanted to do this for each other.

So next I looked up Texas state laws around it and if there was a requirement for the surrogate to be married. It didn't take me long to find out that no doctor will ever cycle a woman for surrogacy who has never been pregnant before. My heart totally fell. I forwarded the link to my husband and AD. All of us were bummed, but AD took it the hardest. She had wanted so very much to do this, and it pretty much ruined her night. She went home that night and closed herself up in her room away from everyone at her house. I felt so bad when she told me that the next day. It was a huge let down for all of us.

I fully intend to do something nice for her for being so sincere in her desire to help us out.

That doesn't mean our hopes of having a surrogate are out the window if we decide to go that route though. I have another best friend who was pregnant at the same time as me. In fact, that was how we met and became friends. She gave birth to her second son two weeks before I gave birth to Baby Bean. The same day AD offered to surrogate, so did JM. She has offered all along, and has never revoked the offer. When she found out AD couldn't surrogate, she was at my desk less than a nano second later offering up her womb. It is something we are both thinking seriously about.

One thing I have found on this journey is that I must be as good of a person as I always mean to be. Everyone who knows of this situation has said they don't want me to do it. I have seen so many people cry over the thought of the worst case situation. I have had many blog friends leave me comments or send me emails telling me this makes them cry. They cry with me because I'm going through it, and they cry because they don't want to lose me. I am astounded that I have touched so many lives so deeply. God sent all of you and them to me to help me, and I know he sent me to help all of you. I don't think I have ever felt my worth more at any other time during my life than right now. Believe me, my feelings for everyone are completely mutual. I am sure that if the tables were turned, I would be saying the same things everyone has been saying to me.

This has been a rough ride, but I feel that the worst of it is behind me. I have decide that even if we do the surgery, I still don't have to make an immediate decision. It is easier for me to take things one day at a time, rather than waking up and saying I'm done one day. It has been really nice to take the pressure of myself. As soon as I made that choice, I was right back to my happy old self. This doesn't have to be immediate. I can take my time with it. I don't plan on changing my mind about that fact.