Hair

Okay, so how long is this hair loss thing supposed to last? Because I am seriously starting to think that if it doesn't slow down I am going to need to buy a box of this stuff.

All of my goldie.locks are falling out.

At least I'm way cuter than this chick! lol

Every night after my shower it looks like sas.quatch came in for his annual cleaning. Couldn't he at least clean the hair ball out of the drain?

Even this dude is better looking than that chick.I feel like everywhere I go, I leave a trail of hair.


I am just glad I was blessed with a full head of it!

Unlike some people....

48-Hour Days

I seriously need 48 hours in my days, as opposed to the given 24. I need to be able to sleep for about 10 hours a day, go to work and be away from home for 8+, and then have the rest of it to be with my baby, bathe my dogs, do laundry, and clean my house. Who can I talk to about getting this change made?

Baby Bean, as always, is doing awesome. She has been super fussy the last three days, which is a real bummer since it started Friday when I was able to leave work early to come home and be with her. Wait, back up. I did get to leave work early because we had our annual R&D awards "banquet" in which my team won numerous awards. (Go team!) However, the banquet was 86'ed this year due to financial constraints, so it turned into a pot luck at a coworker's house. I digress. By the time I got home at 3:30 part of me was kind of praying Baby Bean would be asleep so I could sneak in a quick nap. Praise be to heaven, the child was OUT. So I mosied off to bed, guilt-free. At 5:30 Hubs came and woke me up to go to dinner. Well, he kind of woke me up because my body refused to wake up. He and I managed to drag my butt to dinner, and then back home where I curled back up on the couch and quickly went back to sleep. I was way too tired to feel guilty. I woke up long enough to spend some time with Baby Bean, feed her, and get her into bed, and then was in bed myself very shortly after that. Luckily she still loves me.

"Mom, you are the bestest EVER!"

That was the last I saw of the Happy Baby for the weekend. Enter "Fuss Puss."

"Do I really look like I could ever be a fussy baby? Really?"

Please notice in the above picture that Baby Bean is successfully bringing her hands together. Yay Baby!!! She has yet to go through that phase where she looks at her hands for hours on end. I just don't think she cares. She does, however, grab things, and manages to hold her fingers in her mouth in an attempt to self-soothe and put herself to sleep. The fact that she can do both of those things leads me to believe she won't have the "What is this? A hand?" phase. She is already mastering the ability to pinch things between her thumb and index finger, which is a bit ahead of the curve. Go baby girl! Yes, I am indeed a proud mommy.

"Gosh, I sure love you mom. I love that you are so proud of my

accomplishments and make such a big deal out of them."

As for me, my hair has started to fall out. As promised by the books, it is falling out by the handful. I guess my dogs read the book too and decided they didn't want to be left out because they are shedding like crazy too. Perhaps we should have a competition to see who can shed the most.

Well, I just finished baking some cookies and Baby Bean just woke up from her nap, so I am off to snack and play. Ta ta!

P.S. If you were lucky enough to catch the Internal Debate post before I took it down (no I'm not talking about the size one, but the freaking out one), I had a neg pg test this morning. Phew!

Exhaustion

Ever since Baby Bean was born I can't seem to shake the eternal exhaustion that has set in. I'm not sure if it is brought on by trying to recover from the c-section that had the added bonus of the uterine rupture (which my doctor told me would add to my recovery time) or if it is because I no longer get to sleep in... ever. I go to bed later than I did before she was born, wake up earlier, and never get to sleep in on the weekends anymore. I went from 8-9+ hours of sleep to about 6-7. I am a person who lives for sleep. If I'm tired and hungry, sleep trumps food every time. Screw food! I need sleep!

I feel like I literally have to drag myself through every day, fighting being tired until I can turn in each night, and I hate living my life that way. I am unable to enjoy each day because all I want is to crawl into bed and sleep for a week. I am constantly pushing myself to exercise on top of it because, truth be told, I still can't get my wedding ring on. Some days I force it, but then it is always a battle getting it back off. So even though it takes an amazing amount of will power just to put one foot in front of the other all day, I force myself to walk for miles while pushing the stroller as often as I can after work and on the weekends. I force myself to do 50 reps of 6 different abdominal exercises each night before bed when all I really want to do is put my head on my pillow and play the role of Rip.Van.Winkle.

On top of the exhaustion, I have dizzy spells. Walls have become my new friends. I almost went headlong into the toilet at work twice yesterday while trying to lay down a seat cover. Not to mention the multiple attempts it took to prevent falling over while trying to slip my feet into sandals that morning. I am constantly glad for the stroller because it keeps me from falling sideways more than a few times during walks.

At the prompting of my good friend, I finally made a doctor appointment for tonight to see if the cause could be determined. My hopes aren't high. If I had to hazard a guess I would say it is a combination of recovery and lack of sleep. I don't think there is a medication for that, and even if there was, the side-effects would probably be worse than the symptoms it was treating. I do think there are other possible causes for it, but I won't get into them.

On the Baby Bean front, she is doing so awesome. I am so completely in love with my daughter that if the love could shoot out my fingers and toes, it would. Every time I look at her or hold her I feel pure joy, love, and elation. I can't even describe it because I have never felt anything so strong before. Even thinking about it makes my heart swell. She is just amazing. Hubs works from home, so she gets to stay home with daddy all day. He said that she has mastered the skill of hitting the toys on her bouncer. She has learned that hitting them causes the toy bar to light up, move, and play music, which makes her smile and squeal. I swear she is this close - to laughing. There were a couple of times last night when I was playing with her that I was sure she was about to make her first real giggle.

As for tummy time, Baby Bean REFUSES to be on her belly! If she even THINKS she's on her tummy she will scream bloody murder. I can't put her on my shoulder to burp her because it is on her tummy. Has anyone else had that issue? I am just not sure how rolling over and figuring out how to crawl are going to work out when I can't put her on her tummy. Although she seems to figure out everything else just fine. It seems like she knows the books say she she do things a certian way and then figures out a way to do it differently. She holds her head up like a champ now. Hubs says it is her favorite thing, to hold her head up on her own and look around. I have to agree.

I finally ordered the last of her nursery digs. Hubs and I are kind of slackers, so the nursery was not done before she was born. I think I put her curtains up a month ago, and Hubs just put up her wall hangings last weekend. Now we're just waiting on her changing table to be shipped. I registered for it and a bunch of other things we needed on our BRU registry, knowing we would get 10% off of everything that was left after she was born. Two days before the offer expired, I bought everything off of it that we still needed. I can't wait to get her changing table and get it set up. We've just been changing her in her crib or pack-n-play. The first grosses me out, so I don't do it there unless I HAVE to. Once we get the last few items, I will take final pictures of the nursery and post them so you all can see how cute it turned out.

Welcome to the Family

This past weekend Hubs and I took Baby Bean to meet her great grandpa. He lives 9-10 hours away from us, so neither of us was excited to make the drive, but we really wanted to make sure Grandpa got to meet his great grand baby. We found out while I was on maternity leave that he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, so getting down to see him was a high priority for us.

We discovered while contemplating the trip just how much gear a baby really needs to travel, hence my previous post. I had Friday off work, so we packed the car up (literally packed up every square inch) early that morning and hit the road. Baby Bean slept pretty much the entire way down there, waking up a couple hours before we finally got in. When we got there Grandpa and Hubs' aunt, who was also down that weekend, were out to dinner, so we unpacked the car and waited.

As soon as they got home and Grandpa came around the corner, he laid eyes on his precious new great granddaughter. It was so wonderful to see the smile spread across his face. He was truly beaming and pronounced that she was more beautiful than either of her parents. We told him she turned out to be so pretty we wanted to make more. Next up was Auntie D. She was all about holding her new niece. She couldn't take her eyes off her the whole weekend and would beam every time she looked over at Baby Bean.

Its a good thing Baby Bean is so dang cute because she woke up around 4:00 a.m. both nights and fussed clear up until 9:00. I felt bad that no one got any sleep, including Grandpa who was on the other side of the house. He said, "She definitely has a set of lungs." Auntie D and Grandpa didn't seem to mind that she kept them up all night, but I felt pretty bad.

The next morning Baby Bean got to meet Grandma CC and Uncle T when all of us went to brunch. Grandma CC was excited to meet her granddaughter and couldn't wait to hold her. She even bought her a pretty little Easter hat that I can't wait to put on the baby.

After we left Grandpa's house on Sunday we headed to Hubs' best friend's house a few hours away so their family could meet the baby. Hubs is the godfather of their son. We pulled into town around 8:00 and checked into a hotel. I was so tired all I wanted to do was go to bed, so I gave the baby a bath and fed her while Hubs went to see his pal. Baby Bean was OUT by 9:30 and slept clear until 6:00! I couldn't believe she slept that long. I also felt bad she didn't sleep like that either night we were at Grandpa's, but I sure did appreciate the rest.

The next morning Baby Bean was introduced to her dad's best friend and his wife and another old friend. Shortly after lunch time we finally headed back home. Both of us were exhausted from the drive, and Hubs was even more exhausted because he barely slept the whole weekend. He didn't even get back to the hotel until 6:00 a.m. the night he went to see his friend.

The weekend was really nice, and it was so much fun to introduce the baby to almost all of her dad's side of the family. They all absolutely love her and think she is a very beautiful baby. We do too. ;) I just hope we get to have a few more experiences like that this year.

Baby Bean and Great Grandpa

I Get It Now

There are so many things about being a parent that I totally didn't get before I was one myself. There are even things I made fun of other people for doing that now make perfect sense to me. For example, I totally used to make fun of women who went out and bought bigger vehicles because they had ONE kid. I used to joke that I would buy the biggest Hum.mer when I had a ONE kid. But now that I'm a mom who has a road trip in my near future, I understand why people need a bigger car for one kid. Baby Bean's stroller honest to God takes up my entire trunk. Her car seat takes up so much room in the back seat that we had to move the two front seats forward to fit it in. And good luck trying to fit a slightly overweight person in the back seat next to it!

I had no freaking clue just how much stuff is needed to travel with a little one. I figured I had a good idea. WRONG! She needs her pack-n-play, bouncer, car seat, play gym, enough clothes she can spit up and be changed 2-3 times a day, pjs for every day just in case she soils them, diapers, wipes, bottles, formula, bottle brush, bather seat, burp rags, booties, stroller (if you can fit in the car with everything else, which we can't), and the list goes on and on. How can something so small command so much stuff?!

Yeah, my goal is to have my credit card paid off by the end of the year so I can buy a bigger vehicle. Laugh at me. I do. I will be one of those moms. But you know, when I go to the local home improvement store and buy a curtain rod that I can't fit in my car because I have a baby seat, its time for a bigger car.

I also understand how people who have been pregnant before can want to be knocked up again within months of giving birth. For me, pregnancy was the awesomest thing ever. I loved every second of it. Motherhood? I am completely over the moon about it. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my baby and being a mom and I just want to repeat the whole experience as many times as I can. It was something I couldn't completely understand until I walked the walk.

Another thing I didn't get before I was a mom was how people could have ONE kid and never have time to do anything like clean their house, email friends, keep a blog, etc. I so get it now! I had no idea how much time and attention a baby really needs. When people say your life will revolve around your baby, they mean it. All of a sudden everything you do has to fit into the baby's schedule. No longer can you just run off to the store whenever you want. You have to check to make sure the baby won't need to be fed before you can get back home. When you are home you're constantly making sure your baby is content before daring to embark on house cleaning. My house hasn't been as messy as it was while I was on maternity leave since we moved in and had unpacked boxes everywhere. My poor dogs have never been so neglected. I've even forgotten to feed them a couple of times since Baby Bean came home. I always forget to make sure they have raw hides to chew on. I'm getting better about remembering to give them treats every night, but its been weeks since they had any.

These little bundles of joy are a lot of work and I love every single second of it. I wouldn't trade it for a thing. At least I get it now. So here is my formal apology to all of those women I made fun of because I didn't have a clue about how it really was to be a mom. Drive your big cars when you have one kid, use the excuse you have no time for life because you have one kid, and pop out kids by the dozen. I get it now!

Motherhood Rocks!

Okay, so I have to say that this whole parenthood thing is so much more fulfilling than I ever imagined. I knew I'd love it. I just had no idea how much I would love it. Baby Bean has been smiling up a storm today and has really come into her Happy Babiness this week. She smiles all of the time and makes cute little baby noises when she does it. I can't get enough of it. She's smiling at me now. :) I used to only want two kids, but now that I have Baby Bean, I want as many as I can have before the doctors tell me no more, or I'm too old. The whole experience from pregnancy to now has just been too incredible for words.

I think I owe a lot of my strong feelings to having been an infertile for two years. Having this baby girl here is such an amazing blessing, and it feels like a miracle to us. I really think anyone who has had to honestlly undergo infertility treatments to concieve make better parents because we are so much more appreciative of the blessing.

Baby bean is already a pro at holding her head up in an upright position. We pulled out the Bum.bo last night to see if she could pull off sitting in it, and she did!




Is she a beautiful baby or what?! I am so in love with my little girl!

Hubs has been working with her and trying to get her to sleep through the night the past few weeks too. He read a book called The.Sleep.Solution and has been putting the techniques to use. Baby Bean now sleeps for 8 hour stretches! We put her down at 10:00 every night and she is making it to 5:30 a.m. before needing to be fed. I read that part of our success is also due to the Baby.Plus I used while I was pregnant.

The only people in the house not totally in love with the baby are the dogs. I feel bad, but they have been neglected since the baby was born. I swore I wouldn't be this way, but that was before I knew how much work a newborn was. I'm slowly getting back to finding time and remembering to dote on them, but I'm a long ways away from where I was before the baby. They definitely don't get their weekly baths anymore. Poor pooches.

As for the mastitis, it has cleared up, and I have quit pumping and nursing. Baby Bean drank her last bottle of breast milk ever yesterday. I have been so torn up about it. I wanted so badly to provide her with breast milk, but things just didn't work for us. I've been trying to make myself feel better about it by reminding myself I can eat whatever I want again, and I went and bought myself a tube of Stri.vectin to get rid of my stretch marks.

I guess that's about it for now. I need to finish my ice cream and then go give Baby Bean a bath. Good night!

First Week Back Down

It's early Friday morning of my first week back to work and I have to say, I've done a hell of a lot better this week than I thought I would. Oddly, it all feels so normal already. It did by day 2. I guess I was able to prepare myself and wrap my head around it all better than I thought I would. The first day back I only had a hard time the first hour or so after I got here. Of course my eyes started to well up the second I pulled into the parking space. When I got out of the car I was welcomed by a teammate who was really pleased to see me back. Upon his asking how I was doing, the threatening tears spilled over and I became slightly incoherent trying to speak through them. As I was putting my things into my desk and getting ready to boot my computer, my most fabulous BFF came over, smiling and happy to see me, bearing a beautiful baby blanket she had made for Baby Bean while I was out. I pretty much got all of my crying out while I was talking to her and then was good to go the rest of the day.

All of the PMs who needed work done on their manuals while I was gone chose to save all said work until my return, even though I had set them up with secondary help to get them through the eight weeks I was gone. I wasn't here long before I was back in the saddle making modifications and had scads of work to catch up on. I even have a tight deadline coming up by the end of the month and I'm not sure I'll make it. All of that helped take my mind off the fact that I wasn't at home snuggling my baby girl.

It also helps that I work a few short miles from home, so I am able to go home for lunch every single day. It makes the days go by faster with that little happy break in the middle.

As for the laying off thing, I have been told that I am pretty much more secure here than anyone else on my team since I am the only person in the company who does what I do, and I work for four different groups here. Not many people here can claim the latter. Maybe a handful at most. On top of that, I had my annual review upon my return and it was GLOWING. My PM said he rarely gives glowing reviews and that his PM even more rarely hands out compliments like the one he gave me. I guess I must be doing something right here.

Given the choice, I would still rather work part time, but I'm glad I have a job to come to and that it is filled with such wonderful people. I can handle this.