My new bloggy friend Chirleen at Confessions of a TTC-A-Holic graciously nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger award. Thanks Chirleen! I have to say, I love her blog because she is so spunky, and we have a mutual love for musical instruments.
The rules of this award are:
Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
Copy the award and place it in your blog.
Link the person who nominated you for this award.
Tell us 7 interesting things about you.
Nominate 7 bloggers.
Post the links to the 7 bloggers you nominate.
Seven interesting things huh? That will take some thought, but here goes nothing:
If you had told me when I was in elementary school that I would grow up to write manuals, I would have told you you were a huge liar and kicked your shins. I never in a million years thought I would end up in the profession I did, and it was all by chance.
I took piano lessons for 6 years and never learned to play... until I quit taking lessons... and then I taught myself. Sorry for the waste of money mom and dad! :p
I laugh my ass off any time anyone steps on anything crunchy like popcorn or chips. My friends and I used to go to the movies every Friday, and they would always "spill" their popcorn in the aisles because it would send me into fits of laughter when people stepped on it.
Dog farts make me laugh. They make me laugh so hard I can't breathe, which sucks because Sadie is the fartiest dog I have ever owned. She puts grown men to shame.
My little brother is coming into town for my 31st birthday this weekend, and I can't wait. We are 4 years apart, but act more like we are twins. We were inseparable growing up.
I had Baby Bean 9 days before my 30th birthday. I was so deep in baby blues on my birthday, I let it slide by in silence. I didn't tell a soul it was my birthday. My mom was here helping me out with the baby and told Hubs and I to at least go to dinner, so we did.
I grew up in the Rocky Mountains and miss them horribly. Texas doesn't have mountains. They think they do, but that is because they don't know what mountains are. I miss going hiking with my dogs. I miss getting caught in the rain a few miles from the car and laughing all the way back down the mountain.
*WARNING - The first paragraph may not be for my fertile friends or those with a somewhat weak constitution. Feel free to skip directly to the second paragraph.*
My monthly visitor has arrived. That didn't take long. I had read that women who had gotten their IUDs out got their monthly gift if not the day it came out, then within mere days of doing so. Happily, mine coincided very closely with when AF was due anyway. I was a bit shocked to see she was a couple day early though. I was happy to greet her, but not happy with the symptoms she brought along that I had happily NOT missed the last two years. Bloat, sore girls, the whole shebang. I also didn't miss not needing party favors. It has been so long, their use seemed foreign. It sure did explain my need for ice cream and Fri.tos after eating a massive Cajun dinner tonight though. (Yes, I am regretting all three of those now.)
As you all know, I was and am so excited to be able to TTC again. However, there is a little rain cloud hanging over my head, and it has been the last month or so. I have two very dear friends who are undergoing IF right now. One of which is one of my best friends. I also have another best friend who has been TTC her second for the last 8 months or so. While I was excited to try for #2, I had a hard time emotionally because there is a chance I could end up pregnant with my second before two of them are pregnant with their first, or before the other is pregnant with her second, when her first is 2.5 years older than mine.
I talk to my friend with the 2.5-year-old frequently, and we have had the "what if" conversation many times. She is a wonderful friend, and has admitted that it would hurt a little if I got pregnant before her, but that she would be happy for me and wouldn't befriend me if it did happen. I completely understand. In fact, we both hoped she would be pregnant by now, and we both still hope she is before I am. I didn't worry about her as much as I do the other two.
My other two friends are on the front lines of IF. One is currently undergoing treatments, and the other is on the doorstep of them. As in, she is going to a specialist in the next week. I know they both love me, and they are both so in love with Baby Bean. But I worried about breaking the news to them.
Today my best friend and I went to get Baby Bean's hand and footprints put onto a plate for her 1st birthday. I didn't want to drag things out, so on the drive over I told her I had just gotten my IUD out, and that we were going to start trying for #2 in the next few months. Her reaction was completely unexpected. She sat in my passenger seat with a huge smile on her face as she clapped her hands and said, "Yay! I am so excited for you!" I almost cried. I told her why I had been worried about telling her, and she told me not to be silly. Her reaction is the one I would have given her if the situation had been the other way around. I was so glad she took it that way.
I worry about telling my other friend though. I am afraid she won't take it the same way. I don't want it to put a wedge between us. She has had such a tough battle, tougher than mine ever was or will be. I have tried to be there for her as much as she will let me be. I don't know how or when to break the news to her. I know she would feel bad if she thought I was having a hard time telling her, but I don't want her to feel bad.
Who knew I would ever be in this position? I certainly didn't. I feel like I need to let them know because I care about them, and also because how horrible would I feel if the first they knew about our trying again was when I made a pregnancy announcement?
I feel like a horse who has just been freed to run in the pasture, yet I'm not sure if I am ready to run, for fear of leaving my friends behind. It is an odd feeling, and one I have never experienced. I'm not trying to have my first child anymore, I'm trying to have my second while so many of my good friends are still trying for their first. I feel like if it takes us a while and we have to go through everything we did the first time again, I will have no room to complain because at least I already have a child. I feel like anything I could say to plead my case just makes me sound like an ass in the eyes of those who are still fighting for their first.
Infertility is never easy, and it never gets easier, no matter which side of the fence you are on.
I cannot believe it has already been a year since the birth of Baby Bean, and 6 months since the insertion of my IUD. Where did the time go?! Seriously, how did I get here so fast?
I woke up this morning, thinking I had to drag my butt out of bed for another day of drudgery when I remembered what day it was. I must have been more excited than I thought because I was out of the house 15 minutes early. I was so early, I ended up having a half hour before my appointment, rather than the 15 minutes I normally would have had. So I went and got me some donuts before heading to the doctor.
I can't even describe the feelings that came over me when I walked through the door to the doctor's office. It was so strange. Part of me was excited to be there, and part of me wasn't. All of my memories from sitting in that waiting room as a pregnant woman came flooding back like a tidal wave.
I sat down and waited to be called back. When I finally was, I was told that the sonographer had called in sick that morning, and so I wouldn't be having my sono. Imagine how much my heart sank when I had been waiting a full year for that scan! The nurse told me they were still going to take out my IUD, but that I would have to reschedule my sonogram. My emotions were all over the place. I had been looking forward to busting through the finish line and skipping out of that office with a huge green light over my head. Instead, I would have a yellow light, and the real finish line had been moved back the day of the race.
I sat in the exam room and waited for my doctor, wanting to ask questions I knew she would have no answers for until we did the scan. She came in, beaming and cheerful as always. I was so happy to see her. She was as excited for me to get my IUD out as I was. She wasted no time getting down to business and removing my short-time companion.
We then talked about what was ahead. This woman can make the end of the world seem like it is the best thing since sliced bread. I love her! She told me she was confident I was able to try for pregnancy again, but that I should give my body at least 2 months to re-regulate from the IUD. No prob, that was my plan anyway. She warned me of the risks again, told me my pregnancy would be extremely high risk and I would be watched like a hawk, but said that if this was something I really wanted to do, she would be here with me through all of it. I LOVE HER! I can't tell you how awesome it feels to have her by my side ready to go to battle with me so that I can try to bring a sibling into this world for my daughter. I am in such good hands.
So, the IUD is gone, and I am back in the TTC saddle. I am so excited. I'm not nervous or scared. I feel good about things, and that is the feeling I'm going with.
Here we go friends! Once AF rears next week, I'll be starting to chart and use OPKs to figure out if I still ovulate when I used to.
On a side note, Baby Bean's surgery went awesomely yesterday. It was a breeze. She was in and out with zero complication. She is doing awesome today, and you would never know she had surgery yesterday. That's my gal!
One year ago today, I woke up some time around 4:30 in the morning. It was Baby Bean's birthday. I don't know if she knew it yet, but her daddy and I did. My hospital bag had been packed for a couple of weeks. The nursery was ready, warm, and waiting to welcome it's new inhabitant. The dogs had some idea that something exciting was going to happen, but they had no idea what. Our world was about to change for the better.
I got dressed, crying softly, as I reminisced over my years of infertility, thinking of those cold, hard days when I wondered if I would ever reach this moment, wondering if it would all be worth it. I gently caressed my belly, hugged my baby to me, and spoke softly to her. I told her again how much I loved her, that I couldn't wait to meet her, and that I would be the best mother I possibly could. Tenderness and longing along with the fear of the unknown gripped me. In a few short hours, my life was about to change forever.
At 5:30 in the morning, Hubs drove me to the hospital while I sobbed. I was afraid of the procedure, the recovery time from the c-section, the lack of sleep ahead, all while mourning the end of my pregnancy. My beautiful, perfect pregnancy. I wondered if I would ever get to do it again. I had loved every single second. I also cried in fear. Would I be a great mother? Would all of the hell I went through really be worth it? Would I love motherhood as much as I hoped?
We checked into the maternity ward, and everything seemed very surreal, like my wedding day. Was this really my big day? "How did I get here?" I wondered. I was taken back into L&D where I undressed. I cried as I took off my maternity pants for the last time as a pregnant woman. I put on the cold hospital gown, and slowly made my way to the bed. I was hooked up to monitors and handed papers to sign. Then it was time to lay back and wait until 7:30, when my doctor would arrive.
At 7:30, the prep for my c-section began. It was all going too fast. I wished in that moment I had waited until my due date for the procedure. I just wanted a little more time to feel my baby kick and punch inside my womb. Before I knew it, I was being wheeled down to the OR. I cried so hard. I couldn't stop shaking.
The OR was freezing. I was shaking from cold and fear so much I was afraid the anesthesiologist would miss with my spinal. My doctor walked into the room, cheery and smiling, as always. I cried and told her I didn't know if I was happy to see her or not. She walked right up to me, hugged me tightly, and told me everything was going to be okay. I loved her even more in that moment.
Everything below my waist went numb, and I was laid back on the table. The sheet went up between my face and shoulders, and my doctor began to tell me what she was doing. The procedure was started before my husband was even in the room. He walked in, and took his place by my side. I felt tugging, but no pain. My baby was located and the first comment was, "Look at all of that hair!" My child was freed from my womb, and an instant rush of air involuntarily filled my lungs.
At 8:01 a.m., my little girl was held up in the air, screaming and crying. I sobbed. I couldn't believe she was mine. I couldn't believe she had just come out of me. She was beautiful and perfect. Her daddy went to her side right away, as I had told him to do since before we even got pregnant. He offered her his finger and she grasped on tightly. He brought her over for me to see, and then she held his hand all of the way to the nursery, while I stayed behind to be put back together like Hu.mpty Du.mpty.
The rest of the day was a blur, but I remember that night after things started to calm down and my husband had gone home to take care of the dogs, they brought me my baby. They had instructed me to undress her in my parenting class and hold her soft, warm baby flesh to mine. I gently unwrapped my sleeping baby and removed her onesie top. I took in each and every feature of my daughter. Amazed that I had created this life with my husband. She was perfect. She was so sweet. She was beautiful. She was mine. I had fought for her and won.
That day was the best birthday of my entire life. It was the most wonderful day of my entire life. I thank God every day for that day. I will never forget how far I came to be in that moment, and I will cherish it always and forever.
Happy birthday Baby Bean. Thank you for coming into my life and making it amazing beyond words. I am honored and blessed to be your mother. I look forward to all the years of our lives together. You are worth it.
This past weekend I flew my parents into town for Baby Bean's first birthday party. Her actual birthday isn't until Tuesday, but I wanted to throw a big 1st birthday bash, which meant it needed to be on the weekend closest to her big day.
This post is only going to talk about the party. I will go into the mooshy "1 year ago today" stuff on her actual birthday. Further, this post contains pictures that are a teaser for the upcoming slide show that will appear on Baby Bean's actual first birthday. :)
Thursday night my parent's flight got in an hour late due to some very heavy rain and thunder and lightening storms. By the time I got to the airport to meet them, I looked like a drowned rat. I was so happy to see them, and I couldn't wait for them to see how much Baby Bean had grown since she last saw them. It was a wonderful reunion.
Friday my parents and I went to the store to buy birthday presents and food for the party the next day. Before we knew it, it was Saturday morning. The house was all decorated, and the food prep was under way. One of my best friends came over a couple hours before the party to help me get everything ready, as well as take some pre-party photos. Here's a little sneak peak.
My best friend took over 950 photos that day, and I can tell you she got some FANTASTIC shots. I can't toot her horn enough. I was so glad she was there and able to catch all of the precious moments while I kept everyone entertained and the party going.
Noon rolled around, and the guests started trickling in. Before I knew it, my house will filled with love, laughter, friendship, excitement, happiness, and every other positive emotion that can be felt on such a special day. Fun was had by all, and I felt so very blessed to have so many people who are very near and dear to me under my roof at the same time. I was so humbled and happy to have everyone there. Even better, I had three of my four best friends there at the same time. They all got to meet each other, and I can't tell you how wonderful that felt.
Baby Bean was an absolute angel the whole day. I wondered if all of the excitement would be too much for her, but she handled it all like a champ. She played well with the other children and was pretty much all smiles all day. She knew everyone there, so I think that made it easier.
Of course, I bought a special party dress for her big day. This is just one of my favorite shots.
The child was spoiled like a princess with presents. She received so many wonderful heartfelt gifts. I was very touched at the thought, love, and care that went into each one. The day was truly special and everything I hoped and imagined it would be, if not better.
Thank you to all of my friends and family for sharing in such a momentous day in my little family's lives. It meant so very much to me, and I am glad I was able to share it with you.
I should be working right now, by my parent's flight is in the air, making its way speedily toward me, and I can't focus on anything other than going to get them. I am so excited!
It is raining like crazy here, which I hate, because when it rains like this, the streets flood. Even though they have drains everywhere, it seems like the drains can't keep up. I have never disliked rain until I moved here and learned what REAL rain is. Honestly, when I hear it pouring like this, it kind of makes me panic a bit. I'm not a fan of hydroplaning or people who slam on their breaks and expect me to be able to stop on a dime on wet roads.
One of my favorite coworkers is quitting, and his farewell party is tonight. My coworkers want me to go, but I have to go get Baby Bean and get to the airport. When my parent's flight got delayed, I contemplated going to the party... until it started down pouring and I realized getting out of the party into traffic was going to be heinous. So I guess I'll go get the baby and slowly make my way to the airport in the rain and traffic. Why can't I have my cake and eat it too?
I probably won't update the blog again this weekend, but I'll try. Baby Bean's birthday bash is this weekend, so I will try to post up some pictures.
I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. I will be thinking about many of you and sending well wishes, love, and hugs even in my absence.
Dear bloggy friends, I am sorry, but I am so terribly behind on blogs and I will not be able to catch up. I feel really badly about it, and I feel like I am missing being a part of your lives. Reading your blogs is my sanity. I love following along with your stories, and being a part of them through comments.
My life has taken a turn for the crazy at the moment. Work has seriously caught up with me and I have so many deadlines right now, my head is spinning. My parents are coming into town this weekend for Baby Bean's 1st Birthday bash, which means tons of things to do around the house, in addition to breathing treatments, preparing for the party, and every day crazy life. The week after that will be her real 1st birthday, she gets tubes the next day, and I get my IUD out the day after that. The weekend after that my little brother will be here. So as you can see, my life is all kinds of chaos.
I take time to update my blog for my family and friends and all of my blog friends, but I feel really bad that I am unable to be there for all of you right now. Know that I will read and comment when time allows. I am not abandoning any of you.
Thank you for your patience during this crazy time. Things will eventually calm down, and I will be back in full force!
After undergoing almost 2 years of infertility treatments, Hubs and I just had our first baby. We want to have at least one more child, but now have new added complications.
This blog was created in the middle of our journey to become first-time parents, and the journey now continues as we wait to see if we will be able to add at least one more to our little family in the coming years. My blog is my outlet and my education center. I also hope that it provides information and hope to others who struggle with infertility.
9/07 - New doctor will only continue with current cycle on the grounds we undergo IUI. Underwent IUI, not hopeful. No pregnancy. Opt for laparoscopy.
10/07 - Undergo laproscopy, positive diagnosis and removal of moderate endometriosis, positive diagnosis of PCOS, ovarian drilling, removal of uterine septum, and removal of swollen appendix (surprise!)
1/08 - Its time for a change and a break from infertility
2/08 - Get new job, move to Texas - Baby on hold
4/08 - Wonky cycle returns, schedule appointment with new doctor
5/5/08 - Meet new doctor - Surprise! We're pregnant!
2/09 - Baby Bean is born!
2/09 - Learn of uterine rupture during c-section, could prevent future pregnancies, informed we WILL be on birth control to prevent pregnancy and slow progression of endometriosis regrowth
3/09 - Given green light to try for future pregnancies in 1 year's time, informed future pregnancies high risk
** The future is hidden from us by infinite wisdom, Molly, or else I should like to know it; one would calculate one's behavior at the present time so much better if one only knew what events were to come. ~Elizabeth Gaskell (Wives and Daughters)
** So apt are people to look forward to a different kind of life from that to which they have been accustomed, as being free from care and trial! ~Elizabeth Gaskell (Wives and Daughters)
** Madam your wife and I didn't hit it off the only time I ever saw her. I won't say she was silly, but I think one of us was silly, and it wasn't me. ~Elizabeth Gaskell (Wives and Daughters)
I cannot believe it has already been a year since the birth of Baby Bean, and 6 months since the insertion of my IUD. Where did the time go?! Seriously, how did I get here so fast?
