Taking a Break

I have decided I will be taking a break from blogging for a little while. The past couple weeks all I have had to blog about are negative things, and I am sure everyone (myself included) is tired of that kind of post from me. So until I have something newsworthy to share, I will just refrain from blogging.

But before I go, I do want to say that I went to the High Risk Prenatal Dr yesterday because I tested positive for a gene abnormality. We figured I would have the problem, since my older sister did, and we were right. Luckily it isn't a big deal. It can just lead to and be the cause of a blood clotting disorder, but most likely will not affect my pregnancy. We got to have the longest ultrasound of our pregnancy yet because we opted to do the down syndrome, neural tube defect, and trisiotemy (sp?) 18 screening done while we were there. The doctor said the baby looks perfect and he doesn't think he will need to see us back again during my pregnancy.

The lab tech, who as an absolute sweetheart, even guessed at the sex of the baby. She said that usually this little thing that shows up on the ultrasound is a good indicator. If it sticks straight out like this --, then it is a girl. If it sticks straight up like this , then it is a boy. Of course our bean's was half way in between, but she still hazarded a guess at a baby girl.

Since my emotions have been rampant lately, I had to try so hard not to cry through the entire ultrasound, but it was just so beautiful seeing so much of our little baby. We got to see her from every single angle, and they gave me 5 ultrasound pictures that are just beautiful. When the lab tech left and we were waiting for the doctor, I looked at Hubs, tears streaming down my face, and thanked him for making me a mommy. I am gushing tears even as I write this.

I do have to go back for another two rounds of blood work, and hopefully the next one will come back normal. If not, I will be seeing High Risk Dr throughout my pregnancy.

As for Mags, she passed her ailment onto Sadie, so I woke up to a crate full of runny poopy this morning. I took them straight to the vet and $160 later the diagnosis was they are perfectly fine, they probably just ate something that disagreed with them. The vet gave me some stool hardener and a few days worth of pills to help their systems. They are both on a bland diet for the next few days, but have a 100% healthy bill of health. The vet also told me to take them off the pumpkin soup, as it would make their stools runny, but it is a good remedy for a constipated pooch. Good to know.

So until I feel like things in my life are going better and I have something positive to post, I will be signing off for a while. Thank you so much to all of you who posted such lovely comments on my previous post. They made me cry. I love you all dearly and appreciate your friendship and support. I will still be checking in on all of you while I am on hiatus.

With much love. Later.

Clarification

I realize after my last post (or maybe even couple) that I need to make a bit of a clarification.

First of all, I do NOT ever physically abuse my pets. I don't believe in hitting animals for any reason. They don't understand why you are hitting them, and it only makes them scared of you.

When I say I am angry about something (like Mags pooping on the floor) it means I audibly voice my displeasure in her current choice of activity and in a very negative tone of voice. She gets the hint.

When I say I "lost it" that means I screamed at the top of my lungs and swore like a sailor. I am not a physically abusive person and I don't throw things.

At no point during Maggie's displeasing bowel releases was she harmed by my hand. My husband does not hit my animals either.

I understand my dog is sick, but that does not mean that I have to smile and praise her when she poops on my floors. My first instinct is to clean up the mess ASAP to keep it from setting in and then ask myself why she is sick. I do everything in my power to keep my pets healthy (as evidenced by my last $200 vet bill for vaccinations). I've said it before, and I will say it again, my dogs are like my babies. I treat them as well as I can. I am a completely responsbile dog owner (yes, that means I carry poop bags on dog walks and clean up after my pup). I do the best I can by them, and that is all anyone can ask.

I did not put white berber carpet in my house. I purchased the house just over three months ago and it came with brand new, white berber carpet. If I had my choice, I sure as hell would not have picked berber. But as it is new, it would be completely wasteful of us to change it out, and we have a million other places our money needs to go (like trying to make our house energy efficient so we can avoid any more $450 electric bills).

Maggie is in good health right now and acts completely normal and happy even though she has diarrhea. I called the vet first thing this morning before I did anything else, and they were not concerned. They did tell me to put her on a bland diet, and I will have you know her bland diet is almost as yummy as mine. Her menu tonight will consist of pumpkin soup (per the vet) and boiled chicken. She had a generous helping of rice this afternoon.

I also sobbed for half an hour last night before I went to bed because it absolutely broke my heart to leave my baby outside. I literally walked between the bedroom and the back door for an hour, debating over whether or not to bring Mags in for the night. In the end I determined it would be better for both of us if she just stayed outside where she could do her thing the minute she needed to without the possibility of being scolded and without the possibility of me needing to be awake for an hour and a half during the night cleaning carpet when I need to be resting (now more than ever).

I firmly decided before going to bed that I cannot make my dogs outside dogs, and told my sweetie so before turning in. When he saw how hard it was for me to leave them out overnight, he didn't put up even a hint of a fight.

The last couple of weeks have been really hard and stressful for me even without my dog being sick. Work has been hell. My hormones bring out Psycho Bitch with little to no warning. Our bills are ridiculous and depressing, and they never seem to stop adding up and conspiring against me.

The bottom line: I am doing the best that I can. I am trying so hard to deal with everything that is going on right now, and it is just not easy. So please, don't judge me. I am not a horrible person. I realize my last post may make me sound like one, but I am a dramatic person who can sometimes have the tendency to blow things up and make them sound way bigger than they are.

So there you have it, clarification for all of our sakes.

Dilema of the Week

It seems that my dogs have decided to conspire against me and my plan to be rid of my debt before the baby comes. Every time I feel like I am making the tiniest bit of a dent, one or the other or both of my dogs needs a trip to the vet for whatever reason.

Friday afternoon I came home to go to lunch with my sweetie. As we were on our way out, Mags popped a squat in our dining room (aka "The Dojo" and "Catch All Room") and let a mass of liquid out of her bum. No warning, no odd behavior, and no going to the back door that was a mere 50 feet away to indicate she needed to be let out. Yep, I was angry all right. Sure it was an accident, but she is house trained and gave us ZERO indication that she need to go out, just popped a squat between us and let loose. This was the first time in my pregnancy that I threw up and the first time EVER that I have thrown up cleaning up after a sick animal.

Last night I didn't sleep well because Maggie was restless, and since she gave no warning sign on Friday, I was constantly afraid of being awoken by a foul smell and the sight of more brown goo on my white berber carpet. So when I heard her intestines gurgling around 5:30 this morning, I promptly put her outside.

This evening I headed upstairs to look for a document for work, and Mags preceeded me up the stairs. As soon as she reached the landing, she popped a squat and... you guessed it! Brown goo out the bum all over my white berber carpet. I absolutely lost my temper this time (btw, that means I yell at the top of my lungs, I do NOT hit my animals). Twice in three days with NO WARNING. It took me forever, three batches of carpet cleaner in the steam cleaner, and a quarter bottle of pet carpet cleaner to finally lift the stain.

As much as I don't want to take her to the vet because I know it will cost me AT LEAST $100, I am afraid that is where she is going to go have to go. I have no clue why she is sick. We haven't fed her anything outside of her dog food. Our only guess is she has been eating something outside, but what?! And how can we stop her from eating anything while she is out there? Sadie seems to be fine. Neither of them acts strange and are just as up for fun and games as they always are.

So now I am faced with multiple dilemmas:

1. My sweetie is sick to death of the dogs pooping and peeing in the house, and I am not far behind him.
2. I don't relish the idea of them doing their deeds in the house after the baby is born.
3. I don't relish the idea of their hair all over the house when the baby is born.
4. My sweetie is sick of the guest bathroom smelling like wet dogs because that is where I bathe them.

That all makes a strong case for making them outside dogs. However:

1. Maggie is my baby and my "Snuggle Bug." I love snuggling with her, and she noticeably lowers my blood pressure on bad days.
2. Maggie has always been an inside dog. While it wouldn't be a big deal to Sadie to become an outside dog, it would be to Maggie.
3. Growing up my dogs were always outside, and I hated it. They are a part of the family to me and should be with the family. I want my dogs to be inside at least part of the time (and especially at night) to interact with and be part of "the pack."

It would absolutely break my heart to make my babies outside dogs, but the more bad things that happen with them inside, the more I am going to be pushed and inclined to make it so. It is something I am seriously having to consider now, and it makes me want to cry.

Tonight will be Maggie's first full night outside. I don't dare let her in the house because I know whatever ails her has not yet passed. It is going to be a rough night for me, but I don't know what else to do. I guess I get to make a trip to the vet tomorrow. I should just hand them my credit card and tell them to keep it.

Update: After sobbing for a good half hour before going to bed because I had to leave Mags outside overnight, I decided I could not make my babies outside dogs. Last night WAS rough, but after an hour of going back and forth between the bedroom and the back door, I decided it was best to leave her outside so she could do her biz if she needed to, and that the decision was best for both of us for the time being.

I called the vet first thing this morning, and they told me just to put her on a bland diet, as she is acting completely normal outside of her digestive problems. I have administered a couple doses of pep.to, and gave her a hearty feeding of rice. Her dinner tonight will consist of pumpkin soup (per the vet) and boiled chicken. She will also sleep inside tonight in her crate, as I can't bear the thought of her spending another night outside.

Not in a Bloggie Mood

So I haven't been in a blogging mood lately... at all. I wouldn't say it is because nothing has been going on as much as I would say nothing that has been going on would be interesting to anyone outside of the office. Basically a project manager pissed me off really bad and we butted heads on Thursday, making it so I didn't want to go to work on Friday and almost welcomed the spotting simply because I would have to deal with PM. Monday turned out to be much of the same and I went home with one of the biggest migraines of my pregnancy thanks to the whole ordeal. I couldn't drive fast enough when I left work to get to the Tylenol bottle, and that is not an exaggeration.

After spending most of Tuesday morning with the leftover migraine from the day before, I decided it was time to let things go if for no other reason than for the safety of my baby. I walked into the PM's office that afternoon, apologized for my frustration level with him and explained why I was so frustrated with the situation. He in turn explained why he was frustrated with the situation. After a few minutes we came to a resolution, and now everything is hunky dory between us. However, our resolution still seriously sucks for me because it involves me learning a new computer program that I will never use ever again for anything but his job, and the program is NOT intuitive and is NOT user friendly.

I came to the personal resolution last night before leaving work that there was nothing I could do about the PM's decision to use this program and that I was going to have to bite the bullet, learn the program, and get the job done. Learning the program isn't a big deal for me, its what I do. My job requires a steep learning curve 95% of the time. My problem is that I will lose at least a week learning this program while I am up against a tight 3-week deadline with this project, and then I will never use the program again. But for the sake of my pregnancy, I have to learn to just let the frustration go.

Just when I felt like I had a grip on things (after 6 days of frustration), I was welcomed home by this month's electric bill. You ready for this? Cause I sure as hell wasn't. $450! Yep. I said $450. Anyone else feel like crapping a brick? That was our bill AFTER we replaced every single light bulb in our house for those energy efficient ones, and AFTER we bumped our thermostats up to 78 during the day, and cut back three hours during the night that it needed to cool off. Yeah, I flipped. Of course my sweetie is way more level than me, and he didn't appreciate my freak out for so many reasons, #1 being Baby Bean's safety. Luckily he has had about five different AC companies out over the past couple weeks and has made the decision to replace the upstairs unit for one that is 50% more energy efficient, meaning it will only need to run half as much and should cut our electric bill by almost half. Right now the damn upstairs unit runs 17+ hours a day, and the downstairs one runs 10+, so between the two of them, they are running more than 24 hours a day. Yeah, still freaking out a bit since I am the one who pays the utility bills.

I do get to go to the doctor tomorrow because of some pains I've been having on my right side that feels like an ovarian cyst (yes, I've had cysts before, so I know exactly how they feel). Which reminds me, have any of you who are or have been pregnant tried those fetal heart monitors? And if so, how soon did you find you could use them in your pregnancy to hear the baby's heart beat? I want one, but I don't know if I would be able to hear my baby at 12 weeks with it. Any suggestions?

So that's it for my frustrated life right now. I think I should go use one of my 12 free massages sometime this week and try to alleviate some of this frustration and anxiety. Ugh.

What a Day...

I don't think I would ever chalk today up as being one of my most favorite ever. I am actually just hoping to finish out the rest of the day incidence free at this point. All I can say is that I miss my old OB, vet, and mechanic more than ever.

This morning just before I headed out the door to go to work, I made a loo run. To my horror, I noticed I was spotting. My heart started pounding and my head started swimming. It was all brown spotting, which did mean it was old, but this didn't bring me much comfort as my monthly cycles usually start with the brown stuff too. I tried to pull myself together, but walked over to Hubs nearly sobbing and told him I was spotting and what should I do. I didn't know if I should call in sick to work or go, or if I should call my doctor or just wait and see what happened. Hubs tried to soothe me as best he could while he was half asleep, so I got up and called my sister to see what she said. Of course I was barely coherent when I called her because I was freaking out a little at this time. She, too, told me to calm down and that everything was fine. She said the fact that it was brown blood was a really good sign, as was the fact that I wasn't currently cramping, even though I had been the night before. I told her I had had an exam on Monday, but it didn't make any sense that the spotting from the exam would wait four days to show up. She said she was sure that was what it was, but told me to call my doctor anyway.

I know this sounds really stupid, but I didn't want to call my doctor. I was afraid they would make me leave a message with the nurse's voice mail and they wouldn't call me back, because that has already happened once before. So I opted to curl up on the couch with Mags and go to sleep, but not before tearfully calling my supervisor at work and informing him I would be late. While I was asleep my supervisor sent me a text message and told me to just stay home today and take care of myself. Can I just say I work for one of the best guys ever? I am sure he is so sensitive to my pregnancy because his own wife delivered their little girl at 27 weeks just over a year ago. (Yes, their baby survived, and she is one of the most gorgeous baby girls I have ever seen.)

When I woke up from my nap I went and found Hubs. When he asked if I had called the doctor and I told him no, I know he wanted to smack some sense into me. Instead he gave me a frustrated sigh and asked why not. He thought my reason was lame and proceeded to lecture me, so I called the doctor just to make him stop. To my shock and amazement, they handed the phone directly to a nurse who asked my information and said someone would call me back in a few minutes once they had spoken with a doctor. My doctor was not available for whatever reason today, so we got a call from another doctor's nurse saying they wanted me to come in for a sonogram just to make sure everything was okay. By this time the spotting had all but stopped, and I wasn't panicking anymore, but I wouldn't refuse a chance to see Baby Bean.

The ultrasound showed Baby Bean quietly sitting upside down inside with her little heart beating away. Everything is just fine, and the spotting has been attributed to my exam on Monday. Although the doctor I saw today thought it was odd that it took so long to happen too. By this time it was 3:00 and there was no point going to work, so I went home and slept for a couple of hours.

Then tonight I went outside to play ball with Mags (it is her FAVORITE thing ever in this whole entire world - she would play fetch professionally if she could). We play fetch using a ball thrower we bought at the pet store (if you're interested in seeing what it looks like, see this link). As I was swinging the chucker back to throw the ball Sadie got right in front of it and it smacked her square in the mouth. I heard a noise like a tooth breaking, so I held her down and to my horror, saw that one of her canines had been broken in half and the root in the inside of the tooth was exposed and bleeding. I tried to call my old vet who is an hour behind me to see if I needed to take Sades to a vet, but was told to call back in an hour. I am just praying he says she won't need to go to the vet because it is a baby tooth, but where it is broken in half I can see him saying it will need to be excised to prevent infection. In which case, my credit card is going to get a nice little workout from the vet yet again.

Needless to say, today has not been a banner day, and I am anxiously waiting for the sun to go down and my clock to prompt me it is time to go to bed. I feel like such a bad dog mom, and I really, really miss my old doctor and my old vet.

Baby Bean's Picture

Here is the picture of Baby Bean, as promised, posing as a gummi bear. If you look closely, you can see her left leg crossed over her lower body. You'll have to excuse the graininess, but it is the best the scanner at work could do. :)

Incredible!

We had our follow-up visit with our doctor today. It was only supposed to be the appointment full of questions and female exams, but Doctor L could not find my baby's heart beat with the Doppler. Apparently she (I am certain the baby is a girl) wanted to hide out so that we would have to do an ultrasound to get her heart rate. I didn't mind one bit. Within a split second of locating the baby, I could see her little arms and legs moving about. I couldn't believe it! I just sat there with a big grin on my face and had to try hard not to giggle as she kicked her little legs so my doctor could get the heart beat.

Her heart rate was a perfect 180, and she measured 1" from head to rump. Doctor L humored me by allowing me to watch my baby kick her legs a couple more times before she ended the ultrasound. She printed off a picture of my little one, and she looks exactly like a little gummy bear.

I loved today's appointment because it helped put my mind at ease. I have felt like my pregnancy has been a little too easy, and so I sometimes worry that my little bean isn't growing. I am not sure if my pregnancy is easy because I am just so happy about being pregnant that I don't notice all of the symptoms, or if I really do have it that easy. I actually sat down this past weekend and made a list of all of the symptoms I've been experiencing just to make sure I was having some... the list was pretty long. My doctor told me to count my blessings and that I am one of the fortunate few who has an easy first trimester, and that my little bean is growing the way she should. The ultrasound helped confirm the fact.

I think Doctor L also enjoyed the fact that this was the first appointment I have had where I actually showed some serious outward joy. Perhaps it is because of the years of infertility treatments, but I have learned to keep my excitement inside, only showing it to a few people such as my husband and family members. Everyone asks if I squealed when I found out I was pregnant, I didn't. I kept my excitement inside, reserving emotion for behind closed doors. So for me to get so excited today was a real treat for my doctor. She even made a comment about how she was happy that something finally made me smile so much. Show me my baby kicking and I will absolutely smile!

My coworkers are in for a treat tomorrow because I intend to take my gummi bear picture into work and gleefully show it off. It will be a level of excitement that none of them have ever seen from me because I am usually pretty reserved. I guess something about finally being able to get pregnant and seeing my baby with my own eyes has finally opened my heart to excitement again.

Shopping for Two

Last Thursday just before bed I came to the realization that I would not qualify for FMLA when our baby is born because I will not have been at my job for a full year. Of course I figured this out the first night after work before a long weekend, which inevitably sent me into a panic attack.

For those of you who don't know what FMLA is, it stands for Family Medical Leave Act. It secures a person's job for 12 weeks in any given 12-month period allowing them to miss work for medical reasons including child birth, or any other medical reason that would prevent someone from working. It also provides coverage for people who need to take work off to take care of an immediate family member who needs assistance for medical reasons.

To digress, I began to worry, but only slightly. I mean, my job DID pay over $50k to relocate me, they have invested tens of thousands of dollars to train me so far, they don't have another staff writer (I am the only one), my supervisor always tells me he won't even begin to consider me trained until I have been with the company for at least a year, and a whole host of other reasons. However, I woke up in a sweat that night because I had apparently been panicking about it in my sleep. Needless to say, I spent the entire long weekend trying to calm myself and not think about it until I could talk to HR on the following Monday.

It turns out my worrying was completely unnecessary. I walked into HR first thing Monday morning and asked if there was a maternity plan in place, and if I had to be there for a certain amount of time to qualify. The answer was yes, there is a plan, and no, there was no timeline to qualify. I was informed that I would be given EIGHT weeks of PAID leave (it would have been 6 if I were able to give birth naturally, but I will be c-section), my job would be secured, my benefits would remain intact, and I would be given an additional two weeks of paid vacation called "Mommy Days" that I could use whenever I needed to do things like take care of a sick infant, get the baby to doctor appointments, or just play hooky with my offspring. I couldn't believe it! I knew this job change was awesome, but it just gets even more awesome all of the time.

To add to the excitement, all of my work pants have start to fit a little too snugly. I wore a different pair of pants every day this week hoping that I would have at least one pair that would still fit, but no dice. I sported pants with the top button undone all week (luckily all of my shirts are long enough). I opted to buy some early pregnancy pants over "fat pants" because I am kind of tired of my belt line digging into my abdomen. It is definitely not comfortable. Once I tried on my first pair of preggie pants, I was hooked. They are so comfortable!

I realized toward the end of this week that none of my shorts fit anymore either, so my BFF and I went shopping for maternity shorts today (which I am currently wearing and loving!). My BFF talked me into trying on a few maternity shirts while we were there, and the sweetheart actually bought a shirt for me! I told her I would wear it and always tell everyone she bought it for me. My favorite part was when the clerk said she could tell we were best friends because of the way we talked to each other. I said, "You'd think we'd known each other forever too, but we've only been friends for a few months." We were totally meant to be BFFs.

My next doctor appointment is on Monday, and I am hoping we are going to get to peek at the baby again. I'm not sure what else they will do if they don't do an ultrasound. 10 weeks is when most women would have their first appointment, so I am sure I will go through all of those same things (exam, weight, blood pressure, etc.) minus the blood work, which we ran at my last appointment. Hopefully I will get some new ultrasound pictures to share, if so I'll be sure to scan them at work so I can post them up. :)

Craig Update

They found Craig's body today. His family has created a website dedicated to him, and it can be found at http://www.craig-decker.com/home.

Goodbye Craig, You Will Be Missed

I was going to blog about something completely different today, but as I was heading in to work this morning I saw that I missed a phone call at 11:30 last night from a friend whom I hear from every now and then. When I checked my voice mail, she informed me that the younger brother of a good friend of ours from high school had drowned over the weekend.

The young man was 25, the same age as my younger brother, and I knew him not only because he was the younger brother of my good friend, whom I had gone to school with from kindergarten through high school, but because I got to spend time with him his freshman year and my senior year when we were in the band together. Like the rest of his family, he had an amazing outlook on life and was an absolute joy to be around. Both brothers had very similar personalities in that there is always a positive side to any bad situation. They were always happy, always smiling, always friendly to everyone. Of course all of the ladies wanted them (I was the first girlfriend of the brother my age), but they were the illusive guys who chose to be the friend of every girl.

In January 2006, the younger brother, Craig, went to Mexico and bought some fireworks to celebrate the new year. Despite the warning on the fireworks, Craig held the firework when he lit it, and it blew his right hand clean off. Instead of wondering why such a horrible thing had happened to him, he chose to become "a poster child of firework safety." He told the newspapers that July when they did a story about him that when he was fitted with a hook for a hand, he threw a pirate party. "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. When you get fitted with a hook, have a pirate party!" That was always his outlook on life. He apparently went on to make You Tube videos about how to do things one-handed, such as tying your shoes and opening jars.

This past weekend he was out on the lake with his family when he jumped into the water to rescue an oar and never resurfaced. They have yet to find his body. My heart absolutely broke for his family, and I cried a few times throughout the day. I wanted to fly home for the funeral, but the cheapest flight I could find was $600, so the best I can do to show my condolences for their loss, is to help spread Craig's message. Below is a message he posted when he lost his hand, and I know that this was and still is his outlook on life.

He will be sorely missed. The world has truly been deprived of one of its finest young men.

Craig's Comments:

I haven't always been left handed. In fact, I still get weirded out when I look down at the stub where my right hand used to be! Christmas vacation last year took me on a road trip to Mexico. Question: Where can you buy better quality fireworks than in Mexico? (Answer: ANYWHERE!) On New Year's Eve I lit a harmless looking firework at midnight, and a moment later I looked down and realized that my hand took the early bus back to heaven!

All joking aside, I have learned some powerful lessons through that experience. (Surprisingly, most of them have very little to do with firework safety!) Although what occurred was tragic, I believe what I have learned has made me a better person and will continue to bless the lives of many people.

1. Don't buy fireworks in Mexico!

2. There are some things in life that we simply cannot control. (If I hadn't blown off my hand, some other poor sap would have!) It's okay. As we let go of those things quickly and completely, we become free.

3. "Men are that they might have joy"! Life is good. Laughter heals. Life is funny. There are funny things that happen every day even in the worst of situations. Bad days make good stories. There is a time to laugh and a time to cry. It's funny that laughter and tears come together so easily.

4. The atonement of Christ brings peace and healing "that surpass all understanding". We come to know ourselves and we come to know God through our trials. We are surrounded by miracles. When we trade self pity for humility, our eyes are opened to see them.

5. There is so much life to live! Why waste time worrying and stressing about inconsequential things? Spend time doing what matters most—the things that bring the most light and joy to life. Enjoy the ride.

6. Challenges make us stronger and better. With creativity and patience, we are capable of much more than we ever imagined. Our perspective determines our reality. (There is nothing that quite compares with the feeling of accomplishment gained from tying your shoes with one hand for the first time!)

7. We can always lift others, no matter how bad of a situation we are in. It is a divine gift. The only true and lasting joy comes from forgetting ourselves and helping those around us.

Exhaustion

I guess I should start out by wishing everyone a happy Independence Day. We celebrated the holiday by going to see a movie and hitting the grocery store. Yep, pretty lame, but pregnancy exhaustion has definitely set in. I slept 11 hours last night and got up twice to go potty, so the frequent "going" has also set in as well.

I told my supervisor at work a couple of weeks ago that the exhaustion was starting to set in, and that I didn't want to get fired for sleeping at work, so he went on a quest for a solution. The next day he pulled me into his office and said that he was okay with me going home to sleep for an hour or an hour and a half on the days that I absolutely could not make it otherwise, and that I could make up my time by staying later that day or coming in early the next morning. At the time I didn't think I would need to take him up on the offer very often, but I have had to take him up on it every single day this week.

My aversion to food is also outstanding this past week. EVERYTHING sounds disgusting, so if there is ever a point where anything sounds good, I have to eat it ASAP, or the desire to eat it will go away as quickly as it comes on. I have found that any manner of fresh fruit always sounds good to me, and especially if it has a hint of tartness. This past week I have eaten quite a few nectarines, craved pineapple, and just polished off a container of raspberries. Usually tart fruits in such large quantities would make me absolutely sick to my stomach, but I am finding it is the only thing that settles it these days. The one thing I can't hack even looking at: hamburger. Even the thought of hamburger makes me want to hurl. Most days I can't stomach the thought of meat in any form, but hamburger always turns me a shade of green.

I am not sure what changed in my head, but something has definitely changed over the last couple of days. I have decided that this baby is definitely going to be here in 7 months, and it is now okay to start thinking about names, nursery colors, and peeking at maternity clothes (I even bought some today!). I am genuinely excited to be pregnant. I no longer feel like I can't talk about it to people yet, and have started telling everyone at work. I walk around thinking, "I'm pregnant! I love it!" I have started to see our house as the place where this little bean is going to grow up. Today I was in the room that will be the nursery, which also happens to be my favorite room in the house because of the amazing light and sense of calm in the room, and allowed myself to think, "This is the nursery!" I have decided I will decorate it in "Classic Pooh." Mostly because I was a big Winnie fan growing up, and so have tons of Pooh items such as stuffed animals, pictures, etc. Once we find out what sex the baby is, I will paint light blue or light purple stripes on the walls to compliment the Classic Pooh theme. My eyes begin to well up a bit when I think about the fact that I know at which hospital my little bean will be born.

I am relishing being pregnant, and so now I am off to finish eating my raspberries and maybe snack on a couple of fruit rollups and ice cream all in the name of Baby Bean. :)