Where Are We?

Hello all! It has been a few months since I participated in ICLW. If you have been here before or are a friend of the blog, there are updates to our story below! If you have never been here before, you can get the Rea.ders Di.gest version our IF adventure from beginning to end in this post (I promise it isn't a horribly long post).

Currently I am 7+ weeks post-op in which I had a weakened spot removed from my uterus and had all endometriosis regrowth and any scar tissue associated with previous procedures ablated. I am now less than 6 short weeks away from TTC #2... once again. If you want to know why I say, "once again," visit the link above.

Now let's get into the new and nitty gritty.

I have a sonohystrogram scheduled for Thursday (CD9) where we will find out if my recent surgery was a success. The journey to #2 has been a long time coming, just as our journey to #1 was. Honestly though, I think the past year where we were forced to put TTC #2 on hold has been just as hard, if not harder, than cycling. Why? Because I know when I'm ovulating and I can't do a dang thing about it. It is so frustrating! I've been an infertile who isn't allowed to BD when she's ovulating! Hopefully July will be the last month we're not allowed to try though. I feel really good that everything is healing the way it should, and we are on track to start trying in September.

Feel free to take a look around the blog if you're new. Stay if you like, and make yourself comfortable.

Happy ICLW!

Welcome ICLW!

Hello fellow ICLWers! I am excited to once again take part in this wonderful week of commenting like a mad woman. For the story about my fight against infertility, see the post below, or click this link. It is the Rea.der's Di.gest version of a very long story, which I am sure most of you understand.

For my regular readers, I would like to share some exciting news!

First up, I am sure you all noticed my fabulous blog redesign! Two of my best friends, AD and JM, teamed up to redesign my blog for me. It was their way of showing me how much they loved me. They picked Kelsey from Kreated by Kelsey, who also did Leah's blog a while back, to perform the makeout. They loved her work so much, they chose her to design their lovely gift. When I first saw what Kelsey had worked up for me yesterday, my eyes literally welled up. She had hit the nail on the head, and it was like she knew me well enough to know what I wanted. I had no idea it would turn out so spectacular! In addition to the awesome redesign, she was fantastic to work with, and turned it all around in a matter of a couple days. I'm thinking of having her do my secondary blog too. :)

Thanks AD and JM for the pick-me-up! I love you girls so much!

Secondly, I finally got the call with a date for my surgery! Of course it came about an hour after I scheduled an appointment for this Thursday with another RE in the area. Hubs thinks I should just cancel the latter. I mean, we've technically already had a second, third, and fourth opinion from our visit to Mayo. Either way, the date for surgery has been set for May 28th.

That should give me plenty of time to finish up my huge project at work and tie up my work with a pretty bow. I know, famous last words. The team has been notified of the date, as well as my PM, so if things aren't done before I am off for 3-6 weeks, well, they won't have me to blame!

I am just happy we finally have progress! The ball is officially rolling!

Hmmm... I don't think I used enough exclamation points in this post. Perhaps I have not accurately conveyed my happiness right now. Let me just close with a few more.

Happy ICLW!!!!

ICLW Introduction

Hello and welcome to all of you folks here for ICLW! I haven't participated on this blog the last couple of months due to life being too overwhelming, but I am happy to be back in the reading and commenting marathon this month!

I will now provide you all with a Rea.ders Dig.est version of my journey through infertility.

In 2004 I met the love of my life. One year and 2.5 months later, we were married. We originally wanted to wait a year before embarking on baby making, but 6 months in, that plan was tossed out the door as I had a very irregular cycle in which I spotted and bled for two weeks. At the time I thought I had miscarried. In retrospect, it was an anovulatory cycle. A couple months later in November 2007, I stepped foot in the infertility clinic for the first time.

My initial diagnosis was that I wasn't ovulating on my own, so I was started out with the usual ch.lomid and timed intercourse for three months. Then we went onto injectibles with ch.lomid. We were forced to take a couple of cycles off here and there, usually due to overstimulation of my ovaries, but for the most part we gritted our teeth and kept going month after month. Before we knew it, we had been doing treatments for a year.

It was by chance on a Sunday that it was my doctor's day off, and I ended up going in for a follie scan with the doctor on call, who happened to be the doctor above mine and was teaching mine the infertility specialist ropes. Long story short, he was upset when he found out what she had been doing to me because she had ignored what he had told her to do, which was why my cycles were so messed up. After that day I was under his care, and that cycle turned into an IUI, which was unsuccessful.

After the IUI failed, I opted for a laparoscopy (something my previous doctor had NEVER mentioned). It revealed I had moderate and extensive endometriosis, PCOS, and a septated uterus. The endo was removed, my ovaries were drilled, and my septum removed.

A few months later my husband and I decided to move to his home state, Texas. I got a job that relocated us and we put our baby making on hold while we got situated. Two and a half months into my job I went to see a doctor here because my weird annovulatory cycle had returned (most likely due to stress) and my husband wanted to pick up treatments again. The first time I met my doctor, she made me take a pregnancy test... that came back positive.

Nine months later our beautiful little Baby Bean was born.

I always hoped that I would be one of those infertiles who fights the good fight, gets the baby, and then goes on to easily have more babies without having to fight the good fight again. I should have known better.

It was during my c-section that our next hurdle was discovered. Due to the removal of my uterine septum, Baby Bean's placenta had implanted into the scar tissue left behind. During my pregnancy, my contractions forced her placenta through the uterine muscle. On the day she was born, my doctor removed her placenta, which tore the uterine lining the rest of the way and resulted in a uterine rupture. We were told we would be able to try for more children, but that we had to wait at least a year to let the rupture heal, and then were informed our future pregnancies would be extremely high risk.

Last month I went to have my IUD removed so we could get back at TTC again. I'm not a young woman, and my clock is ticking. My husband and I always wanted 2-3 children, so we knew time was of the essence when it came to getting back into the game.

To be on the safe side, my doctor ordered a sono to check the scar tissue. The sono revealed the rupture had not healed the way we would have liked and made my chances of a rupture during pregnancy too high to risk. (To read more about that day, see this post.) Meaning it could split open and leak the baby into my abdominal cavity. The baby would most likely die, and I would have some serious issues of my own.

We are currently seeking surgery, which will greatly decrease the chances of a rupture, but we have been told we are still at a 40% risk. We have an appointment with an RE on Tuesday to discuss our surgical options and pregnancy risks after the surgery. We are also seeking a second opinion from an RE at the May.o Clinic in April. We are just hoping for better answers and options, but we know what we are up against is very risky. The bottom line for me is that I want another child badly enough that I am willing to fight this fight. I just have to pray I win.

So there you have it, my struggles in a nut shell. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope to make it to your blog soon!

Hooray!

It is that time of the month again, ICLW! I will admit that the last two rounds of ICLW I wasn't a very good blog roll reader due to the holidays, but I have vowed to read as many blogs as possible, while hopefully making a couple new friends along the way.

For those of you visiting for ICLW, welcome! If you're interested in reading about my journey through infertility, you can read all about that here. But if you want the Read.ers Di.gest version, here it is. Hubs and I embarked on the Infertility Roller coaster back in 2006. After almost two years of treatments I underwent a laparoscopy that revealed I had moderate endometriosis, PCOS, and a uterine septum. The endo was removed, ovarian drilling was performed to alleviate the PCOS, and the septum was removed. Less than 7 months later, we were pregnant on our own.

The day my daughter was born, I learned that her placenta had attached to the scar tissue from my septum removal and had made its way through the uterine muscle and had poked a hole to the outside world of the uterus. Before this day, and all during our IF journey, Hubs and I said we would get our children in as close together as possible to keep from having to go through IF hell again. The chances of IF hell are high, as my endo is moderate and will come back. When we learned of the rupture our plans to not wait more than a few months to start trying again were tossed out the window. To read more about that, see this post.

Long story short, we had to wait at least a year before we were even allowed to think about getting pregnant again, and I had an IUD placed as our form of birth control. I am now a mere two weeks away from having said IUD removed and getting back into the TTC saddle. We have some major battles ahead of us on this journey that make it harder and riskier than before (if you're interested, see the post directly above this paragraph to learn why).

By the time ICLW rolls around again in February, I will officially be back in the TTC game. I'm excited, but also leery due to our previous experience and the knowledge of what we are facing this time around. Feel free to follow along with us on our journey.

Thanks for stopping by and happy ICLW!

Its That Time of the Month

And no, I'm not talking about the one in which my monthly visitor makes her nasty appearance, although if you ask my husband, it might as well be.

Welcome ICLW!

I have to say, Hubs really does hate this time of month. He likes to remind me that since we got married, he has been asking me to write a manual for a product he developed, but I have yet to finish it. So every time ICLW rolls around, he gets grumpy that I blog for a whole week and don't write. I just bat my eye lashes and tell him I need my bloggy therapy. :D

For those of you new or visiting the blog, you can find my back story here. Long story short, after two years of infertility treatments and one extensive surgery (confirming moderate endo, PCOS, and a uterine septum), Hubs and I were eventually able to conceive on our own. We want to have more children, but now have new complications and have been forced to take a year of TTC while my body heals. We're already chomping at the bit to be back in the TTC saddle, but as you can see by the ticker in my sidebar, our year isn't quite up. We're almost there though! Now we're just praying that we don't have to go through IF hell again once we are given the green light.

I look forward to meeting new bloggers, hopefully making some good friends, and finding some new blogs to follow.

Welcome to my blog and our story.

Welcome ICLW!

Welcome to all new visitors from ICLW!

For a complete back story on my journey through infertility, see this post.

This blog is a means for my family and friends who live far away to keep up with my little family, it is my therapy for life, it is my information outlet for others who struggle with infertility, it is a way to meet and make fantastic blogger friends, and it is a way for me to help support and encourage others who struggle with IF. I do it because I enjoy it, and it has become a big part of my life.

Feel free to peruse the sight, become a friend and follower, or just stop by to say hello for ICLW.

What I've Learned

I have to say that while trying to keep up with ICLW has lead to me sitting awake until 2:00 a.m. reading blogs and leaving comments like an obsessed person, I am thoroughly enjoying the experience because it has brought to my attention so many amazing women and men who are fighting the same war as me. It has been worth the lack of sleep. :)

When I started on my infertility journey, I was alone. I didn't know one other person who was going through what I was. In fact, I lived in a state that had one of the constantly highest birth rates in the country. I was surrounded by pregnant women everywhere. I honestly felt alone. I dreaded going in for each and every single appointment because my doctor was also an OB/GYN with an unsegregated waiting room, which meant I got to sit with all of the pregnant 19- and 20-year-old bitties who complained unmercifully about their pregnancies. They always took for granted that because they were there for a pregnancy, every other woman of child bearing age in that waiting room was either there because they were also pregnant, or was there for an annual pap. I can't count the number of times it took all of my will power to not jump over rows of chairs to strangle an ungrateful pregnant girl, or the number of times I tried so hard to focus on the work I had brought with me so as not to cry as I helplessly listened to complaint after complaint from an expectant mother. Too numerous were the times that I was barely able to contain my tears until the door to the exam room was shut when they would stream warm and relentlessly down my cheeks.

Then one day, I started a blog. In the beginning it was just as a joke. I had no intention of keeping it going for more than a week or so. A couple of months in, I realized I could use it as an information outlet and a journal of my journey through infertility. After a few months, I moved it over here where I had more freedom with the layout. I didn't know then that I was about to meet so many women who were fighting their own battles with infertility. I had no idea my support group was coming around the corner.

Here I am, almost two years later, and I am just now getting really involved in the Infertility/Loss/Adoption group. I've been involved with a few blogs, but not like I will be able to now that I have joined ICLW. What an amazing support all of you are. Over the past few days I have read about so many of your journeys through infertility. They are all so different, so individual, yet all the same. Some of us have been through a lot more than others, but we all want the same thing: to be parents, and we all want it more than anything.

I am so glad that I have been afforded this opportunity to meet all of you. I only wish I had jumped on the band wagon sooner. You are all incredible, strong women, and your stories are uplifting. Thank you for taking time to stop by and say hello these past few days and leave such heartfelt comments. I wish you all the best in your own journeys.

How Did I Get Here?

I am joining my first ever IComLeavWe hosted by the amazing Mel at Stirrup Queens. If you're not sure what that is and care to find out, click here. I just want to say that I am really glad I joined. I have been introduced to so many incredible new bloggers and the experience has been very uplifting. Thanks Mel for putting it all together!

I figured that since so many of you are new to my blog, perhaps only reading it for this week, I would give you a little background on how I got here. Its the first time on this blog that the whole story has been told in one post. It has been a long journey, and one that is far from over.

In September 2005 I married my sweetheart for time and all eternity. I had told him while we were dating that I was pretty sure conceiving children would not come easily for me and asked if he was willing to do infertility if it came to that, to which he replied he was if that was what I wanted. I just always had a feeling there would be complications. We chose to wait a year after our marriage to start trying for a family, but 6 months in, my cycles became abnormal and I decided it was time to start trying.

In October of 2006, I set foot in the infertility clinic for the first time. I was sure all I would need was a few months on chlomid and I'd be knocked up by Christmas. Little did I know I was about to become an infertility experiment with a specialist in training and all hell was going to break lose with my life. I sat in the waiting room on that crisp October morning thinking that no matter what happened, infertility would not best me. I would never let it break me, and I would never become bitter. I was so naive.

During that first month progesterone tests indicated I was not ovulating. The next month I started my first dose of chlomid. It was too low to induce ovulation. The second month we had ovulatory success, but not pregnancy. Before I knew it, I was on a whirlwind ride full of internal ultrasounds every other day, FSH shots, HCG triggers, ovarian cycsts, and mood swings that would make Ange.lina Joll.ie look tame. My very metal was tested, along with my marriage, and every single relationship I had. I had two choices, I could let it all best me, or I could come out stronger on the other end. I chose to come out stronger, even though that meant losing lifelong friendships in some cases.

One day in August of 2007 I was debating over whether or not to continue with the current cycle. I was tired, battered, and worn. I wanted to quit and give up the month, but I had already had two doses of FSH, and so I decided at the very last minute to continue with the cycle. By chance I got the doctor my specialist worked under because it was a Sunday and he was on call. Long story short, I found out I had been an experiment with unfounded protocols that made the doctor angry with the specialist.

As soon as the new doctor told me this, I asked if he would please take me on as his patient. He told me he would, but that my current cycle would have to be turned into an IUI. If that failed I could opt for a laparoscopy, two more IUIs, or go straight to IVF. We went ahead with the IUI, and when it failed I opted for surgery.

On October 30, 2007, I underwent a 3.5 hour laparoscopy that revealed I had moderate and extensive endometriosis around my ovaries, all over my uterus, and in other areas of my abdominal cavity. It further revealed a mild case of PCOS and a uterine septum. The endometriosis was resected, the septum removed, and ovarian drilling performed, along with a surprise appendectomy. The removal of the septum made any pregnancies an automatic c-section.

A few months after my surgery, Hubs and I needed a major change of scenery. I posted my resume in a different state, and by March of 2008 we were residents of Texas. I left my home, and Hubs returned to his. We half-heartedly continued to try for a baby as we were getting our new life in order. Within a month and a half of being here, my strange cycle returned. I wanted to give up and be done, but Hubs wouldn't have it, so I scheduled an appointment with a new OB for the following month. It was at this appointment we found out we were expecting, all on our own.

Nine short months and a very easy pregnancy later, our beautiful baby girl was born. She is worth absolutely every thing I had to go through to get her. I'd do it all again in a heartbeat.

But our story does not end there. It was during the c-section we found out that Baby Bean's placenta had implanted in the scar tissue from the removal of the septum and had been slowly making its way through the uterine lining during the last few months of my pregnancy. It had poked a hole in my uterus. This threw a major wrench in our plans to not wait more than a few months before trying for Baby #2. We didn't want to wait because neither of us is that young anymore, we want multiple children, and we don't know how quickly the endometriosis will grow back. We felt that the longer we waited, the less likely our chances would be of having more children.

Upon hearing of the rupture, we were told we would be lucky to have any more. That if I did get pregnant again, it would be a high risk pregnancy, I would never carry to term again, and an MRI would have to be performed as soon as the baby was viable to ensure the placenta was not making its way through scar tissue again, as a rupture could kill both the baby and me. After consulting with a high risk OB, we were told we could try again in a year's time.

That brings us to where we are today. We are currently on birth control (an IUD), much against my wishes, but necessary to help slow the regrowth of endo while we wait for the year to pass. We are hoping and praying that we will be able to get pregnant again next year and without the aid of treatments or repetition of the laparoscopy. We're just grateful that we at least get to try again.

Please feel free to join us on our journey. The love and support I receive from blog friends and especially those going through the same thing helps me make it through the rough days. Thank you for visiting, and I wish you all the best!