Its the Final Count Down

The excitement and trepidation are mounting in our household as Baby Bean's birth is mere hours away. I had hoped she would come early and on her own, but apparently she really is a stubborn little girl. That being said, she actually isn't as old as my doctor says simply because they calculate the date of conception as being 14 days past your LMP, and she was actually conceived on day 19. We know. I did an OPK. That puts her almost a full week behind where they say she is. However, I have still managed to be pregnant with this little girl longer than any of my mother's pregnancies or my sister's. All of their babies came around weeks 36-38. I am officially 39 weeks today. Way to go little bean! You must belong to your daddy. I know for a fact that she would stay in there for at least a few more days if not weeks were she not being forcibly evicted shortly.

The past couple days have been a bit rough. I haven't been feeling well, and I'm not sure if it is because I am full of so many mixed and intense emotions or if it is because I ate something bad. Either way, I couldn't keep food down yesterday and didn't manage to get anything in my tummy until around 5:30 last night. As for the emotions, they have been all over the place, kind of like they were before I brought both of my dogs home, only on a much grander scale. I am completely excited to bring Baby Bean into this world and embark on the fantastic journey of motherhood, but at the same time I am scared sh*tless (excuse the language). I know that I will do a wonderful job as a mother because I always do the very best that I can at everything I do. I am just afraid of the unknown. What if my baby is really fussy and I don't know how to comfort her? Am I really as prepared as I hope I am? Just how much is this going to change our lives? Do I really have a clue?

On the other hand, I am stoked. I get to raise a beautiful baby girl that my husband and I created together. A symbol of our love for each other. A bond forever cemented between us, for better or worse. I have made my sweetheart a daddy, and he has made me a mommy. Together we will raise the most perfect daughter. We will love her unconditionally. We will teach her everything we know, encourage her to be a wonderful person, a contributing member of society. We will get to watch her grow and excel in life. I am so excited for her! She has so many wonderful things ahead of her and she has no idea just yet.

Last night before I went to bed, I sat up and wrote her a letter that I will give to her one day when I feel it is appropriate. I let her know how much we went through to get her here and how much we love her. I thank God for this blessed opportunity. The past 9 months have been the most incredible journey, and every thing we went through to get here was so completely worth it. All of the treatments, the ups and downs, the uncomfortable bits of pregnancy, all of it was worth it. I would do it again in a heartbeat and not think twice.

In just a few hours, I will get to meet my baby girl face to face. I am wordless at the thought. What a blessing.

I love you little girl, and I promise to be the best mother I can be to you. I can't wait to show you the world.

Sigh

My doctor appointment yesterday went exactly how I figured it would and not at all how I had hoped. I am still not dilated at all, and Baby Bean is expected to make it to her scheduled birthday. What a stubborn little girl! Doesn't she know how badly she is making her mamma itch?! Needless to say, I was pretty bummed. Instead of hearing, "I could see you any day this week!" from my doctor I got instructions for the day of my scheduled c-section.

On top of that, I felt like absolute deuce. I hadn't slept hardly at all the night before due to the insane itching of my feet. I lay awake in bed for hours on end scratching and scratching them. Every time I would fall asleep a new spot would itch. I think I finally conked out around 2:30, too exhausted to scratch anymore. Of course I still woke up many times throughout the night. The next morning my feet felt like they were on fire from all the itching and scratching. Since I didn't get much sleep, I sent my PM at work a text telling him I had been up all night, was going to try to catch a couple more hours of sleep, and then be in after my doctor appointment.

When I did get up for the day, however, the lack of sleep had taken its toll on all of me. I couldn't tell if I was coming down with something or if I was just plain exhausted. I got into work around 11:00 and all I could do was stare off into space and think about how cruddy I felt. I tried to pioneer through my emails, and tried to focus on work, but I was just not mentally there. As soon as my PM walked by, I went to tell him the news from my appointment that morning. As luck would have it, I caught him in a awesome mood. Why? Because we passed the audit with zero findings and it was all due to him! (Yes, I am seriously honored to work for this guy.) I relayed the info that I would be in all week and then proceeded to tell him I felt like I had been hit by a Mack truck and why. He told me to go home and rest up and that he was honestly surprised to see me there at all. He said he had written me off for the week as it was and didn't expect that I would be there, so he didn't care if I came in at all this week, and if I did choose to come in, not to bust my butt getting there by 8:00 in the morning, but rather to take it easy, sleep in, and rest up before the big day. If I hadn't been so exhausted, my eyes would have welled up. I thanked him profusely for being so understanding and told him how much I appreciated him. Then I went home for the day, after only being in for 2 hours.

I can tell you I was thanking God for my PM last night as I had yet another sleepless night. My doctor told me I could take Ben.adryl and use the cream to help the itch, which is fantastic until it wears off at 3:00 a.m. I do like the added benefit it brings to the table of helping me doze off. :) I really wish that the false contractions would stop too. They are no longer fun since I know they aren't leading to labor. Now they are just downright annoying, especially all night long and while driving. The upside is I have no sleeping pattern, which will work fantastically once Baby Bean arrives. I'm up every couple of hours anyway to either scratch, go potty, or just plain be awake for no reason whatsoever, so I look at it as a blessing in that respect.

Today I didn't even make it into work, but it is more due to an ice storm warning that is supposed to take effect in a few minutes and last through tomorrow. I believe it, seeing as there is already ice accumulating on our crepe myrtles. I'm just going to spend the day relaxing with the pooches, watching a bit of TV, catching up on blogs (finally) and napping on and off while Baby Bean attempts to move around in her cramped quarters.

Hanging In and Hanging Down

So far Baby Bean is refusing to make her entrance into the cold, hard world. I was hoping that she would have made her big debut before now, but no. I even had my fantastic massage therapist dig her fingers into my ankles and rub my big toes yesterday in an attempt to trigger labor. No dice. I didn't sleep well last night, however, because I had contractions all night. Sadly, they were not the labor kind.

I wish that the only reason I didn't sleep was due to contractions, but for some reason an all over, insane, insatiable itching has set in. If it can itch, it does, and with a vengeance! Each individual finger and toe and their respective pads, on top of them, on the bottom of them, the tops and bottoms of my hands and feet, my legs, my arms, and of course, my belly all itch like crazy. I feel like all I do lately is scratch, scratch, scratch! Nothing seems to help it either. Has anyone else experienced this and have any ideas on how to quell it?

I did figure out how to get the elephant ankles to go away though... but that was before the itching. I put on some soft, light socks and then wrapped each tightly in ace bandages. Within two days of doing this, I had my ankles back. It was the awesomest thing ever! The sad thing is they had been swollen for so long they literally feel like they have been sprained only without the insecurity of a sprain. I don't much care though, I am just glad to see my ankles again. Too bad I can't wrap them up again tonight... STUPID ITCHING!

I spent most of today just hanging out with my contractions, which never seemed to turn into labor contractions. *sigh* I guess I get to wake up early tomorrow and go to work while praying the FDA auditor doesn't make his rounds near my desk. I've pretty much given up hope that this baby is ever going to come out. I just know I will get there on the day of my scheduled c-section and they will tell me she still isn't ready and needs another 9 months in the package. :p

My next doctor appointment is in the morning. I don't know if I dare hope for good news, or if I should just accept the fact that Baby Bean simply refuses to eject herself from my womb on her own. I am sure I can look forward to another week of trying to keep my house clean between fits of exhaustion and another couple of trips to the grocery store to restock up on items used since the last trip. I realize I sound a bit negative, but believe me, I am saying all of this with a laugh and a smile. I plan on using the remaining days of my pregnancy learning how to calm and soothe a newborn while also recovering from a c-section. A bit of last minute cramming you might say.

For now, I am taking my itchy self and contracting tummy to bed. Night!

Slow Progression

***UPDATE - BABY BEAN HAS DROPPED!!!***

This week has been crazy, yet laid back. I have chosen to spend the last few nights away from work snugging with Hubs while it is just to the two of us, which won't be for much longer. Once Baby Bean makes her appearance, we will be parents for the rest of our lives and our alone time will be scarce. (No, that is NOT a complaint, merely a fact.)

At my doctor's appointment on Monday I was happily informed that Baby Bean has begun her descent. Unfortunately, I was not dilated by that appointment. I'm not sure if Baby Bean has been floating back up and dropping back down the past few days, or if I am just getting used to the pressure from her dropping down. I do know that I was able to completely fill my lungs on my drive home from work yesterday, which made me smile because it has been a long time since I've been able to do that. It felt so good! I have also had a few occasions where she was pushing down so hard it felt like she was trying to skip labor and go straight to birth.

I haven't bothered taking a belly picture because I am only growing at the rate of 1 cm a week at this point. I probably should just to see if I can tell if the baby is dropping, but I have just had so many other things on my mind it hasn't been a priority.

One thing that is driving me insane is my itchy belly! It itches so much, and I occasionally give in to the insatiable itch and scratch like crazy, which has caused my skin to become really inflamed and tender. I just can't help scratching it though!

I keep asking Hubs to help progress labor, but he refuses. He keeps saying that he wants her to stay in there until she is ready to come out on her own. I jokingly say to him, "You don't want her to come out yet because you're scared." He admits that as she could be here any day, he is a tiny bit nervous. Her appearance is no longer something that is months away, but something that could be mere hours away. When people ask me if I'm nervous my reply is always, "I'm 9 months pregnant. I'm far from nervous."

I think we're about as ready as we can be at this point though. The car seat is installed, my hospital bag is packed, and I've bought the last of the necessary baby items. Now I am just waiting for my indication that it is time to go meet our little girl face to face. Too bad I can't seem to keep up with the housework! I shouldn't say I can't so much as I should say I have been choosing to relax and take it easy. I've been sore and swollen, so it is easier to think that I will deal with all the mess later. I did go on a cleaning binge the other night though. I bathed both dogs, cleaned two bathrooms, and cleaned the kitchen. I paid for it dearly in the form of exhaustion.

Speaking of exhaustion, its bed time and I have a big day ahead of me at work tomorrow. The FDA auditor is darkening our doorstep in the morning and I am sure the last minute documentation updates are far from over. Sorry if this post seems scattered, I have had a pretty crazy work week and just want to go to bed now, so I will. Sweet dreams!

We're Not Close Enough

I had my weekly appointment yesterday and I have to admit, I was hoping and excited that the doctor would give me news that I was at least starting to dilate. Alas, no dice. I am still completely closed and there are no signs of impending delivery on the horizon. The one good thing I did take away from the appointment was that I had not gained one pound in the last week, which is typical of the ninth month.

My c-section is scheduled, which was news to me, as I never got a phone call informing me of the date and time. I am going to keep the birthday a surprise for now though, but I will say that it is soon. :D :D :D

Today we went and met with our new pediatrician for the first time. We both really liked the doctor and we loved what he had to say even more. He basically told us that he or his staff is available to us 7 a.m. to 9 p.m. Monday through Saturday. He answered all of my questions the way I hoped he would and alleviated any concerns I had. I look forward to having him as Baby Bean's doctor.

The past few days I have been reflecting a lot on my pregnancy. I have seriously loved every minute of it and even though I am ready to meet my baby, I am loving every minute we still have left together. Each and every movement she makes is precious and even more loved because our time like this together is growing shorter. I realize I have complained about the pregnancy a lot the past few posts, but I am only complaining about the bits that are uncomfortable, like the reflux and aches and pains, not the bits where I still have the incredible experience of this precious little life inside of me. Right now I love that I can see her breathe and distincly feel her arms and legs through my tummy.

At my baby shower someone asked how long we wanted to wait before trying for another baby. Hubs and I have talked about this a couple of times throughout the pregnancy and the answer is always the same. We're afraid that if we choose to wait, we won't be able to have any more, yet we want to give my body time to heal. We came to the decision that we aren't going to actively try and we aren't going to actively prevent, that we will accept whatever happens when it happens. We definitely want more children, and in addition to my endo, neither of us is getting any younger. If all of my pregnancies are as easy as this one, then absolutely sign me back up. I just hope I get to experience it at least one more time.

Everything we did to get here was completely worth it, and I know I am going to feel that way even more once our precious baby girl arrives. I look at the 3D picture in the sidebar and think, "I just can't wait to hold that little baby!"

Lamenting

I'm not sure why, but my visit to Labor and Delivery the other day really messed with my head. Ever since then I have been weepy and just about downright depressed. It was like after that night I took a good look at my body and saw just how bad my stretch marks have gotten, just how big my butt and thighs are, and realized I officially have cankles. I also realized I have at least 6 weeks to go yet. This made me rethink the fact that I wasn't ready for this baby to come out. I've been doing a lot of thinking... and a lot of weeping.

I look at my body going south with pregnancy and realize that I will never have my prepregnancy body back again. Then I feel bad that I feel that way because we wanted so badly to be here, we tried so hard for so long, and here I am, lamenting the loss of my beach belly and cute bum. The infertile in me wants to smack me and tell me to suck it up. I knew my self image would take a blow this late in pregnancy, I just didn't know how hard it would be. For the first time since I found out I was pregnant, I am ready for this baby to be here, but it is only so the carnage to my body can stop. I won't let hubs look at what is going on under the maternity pants because I don't want him to remember the glaring red stretch marks coupled with the cellulite. He's lucky I let him see my swollen cankles. At this point, people asking me when I am ready to "pop" or telling me that I am huge makes me feel even worse. As you can see by the picture in the sidebar, my belly is HUGE. 6 weeks to go still....

So I start thinking that I am ready for this baby to come out, which inevitably leads to the next thought process -- life after Baby Bean is born. That comes with a whole new range of emotions. Of course I am excited to have this baby, but then I am also sad that certain parts of my life will never be the same again. Never again will it just be hubs and me on an airplane, hating the people with the screaming baby and thinking, "Oh great, this is going to be a long flight," when the screaming baby sits behind us. WE will be THAT couple. We will be the couple with the annoying kid in the restaurant that people hate. Going to see a movie? Forget about that for the next few years. I fully realize this baby is going to change our lives, and I pray that it is for the better. I am sure we will be so in love with her that these thoughts will seem silly and stupid once she is here. Maybe we won't care that we're THAT couple. At least we'll have an understanding for other people who are.

When I realize I am lamenting the carefree life I am about to lose, I feel really horrible, and I hold my belly and apologize to Baby Bean. I love her so much, and I want her here. I want to hold her, love her, care for her, show her off, be proud of her, be her mom. So I have a crazy sleep schedule for a couple of months. What is a couple months in the grand scheme of things? This is MY DAUGHTER. I am willing to give up the couples-only life. I am willing to cater to a crazy baby schedule. So my body goes to hell for a while; we live in an age where almost everything is fixable. I want this baby.

At times I feel so unprepared. Do I know everything I need to know? Do I have everything I need to have? Are we setup to be awesome parents? Is there something we need to be doing and aren't? I look at all of the baby gear we have and wonder if it is enough. I thought I was prepared, but now I'm starting to doubt myself. I don't want my baby to suffer because I don't know what I need to know. How do I know if I'm not prepared though?

I am sure what I'm going through is completely normal for any first time parent. I'm sure it also has to do with the fact that my baby could come at any time over the next few weeks, so I feel like we're coming down to the wire and it is time to get serious. I feel a full range of emotions ranging from selfish, humbled, ignorant, excited, and ready.

I am so happy that I get to be here. I am still excited that I get to experience pregnancy and the anticipation of our first born. I can't wait until my little girl is born. Just like I did with training border collies, I will figure out how to raise my baby girl to be the best she can be. We will figure things out as they come. Life is going to be better and more fulfilling in just a few weeks' time.

Welcome to Labor and Delivery

Last night as I was trying to catch up on all of your lovely blogs I began having what I thought were just braxton hicks. I didn't think much of it, as I normally have them a lot throughout every day. My doctor always tells me to time them, but I never really think twice about it. Last night, however, we had visitors from our church come over. They showed up around 8:00, and within minutes of their sitting down, I had a contraction. Because I wasn't really paying attention to anything else, I noted the time. Six minutes later, I had another one. I certainly didn't expect the next hour to go the way it did. I ended up having contractions every 5-6 minutes on average. Every time I would have one, it would feel like my heart slowed down, like I couldn't breathe, and like my blood sugar had dropped off, followed by a brief spell where I would get really hot. 45 minutes into our visitor's stay, I started to panic a bit. I started to wish that they would wrap up the conversation and go home. An hour after they arrived our guests tried to get up to go, but Hubs really likes having these guys over, and so the conversation continued well beyond the initial, "Well, we'll get out of your hair now." With each contraction, I would squeeze Hubs' hand in an attempt to tell him he needed to wrap it up and let our guests go, but he was blissfully oblivious, thinking I was giving him a love squeeze.

Finally at around 9:30, our guests left. As soon as Hubs closed the door, I tried so hard to choke back my tears as I said, "What did Dr. L say we were supposed to do if I had more than four braxton hicks in an hour?" When I told him they were every 5-6 minutes, he told me to call the Dr. I called the emergency contact number for my doctor and was greeted by a recording that said if my situation was deemed to not be an emergency, I would be charged $25. I hung up and cried. Then I called my sister to ask what I should do. She told me to call back and risk the $25, Hubs agreed, and they both agreed that I would not be charged $25. This time I had Hubs call because I knew the second I opened my mouth I was going to bawl and be virtually incoherent to a nurse. He left a message for the on-call doctor, and within minutes we got the call back. I was able to hold things together long enough to tell the nurse what was going on. She told me that I needed to head to the hospital and go to Labor and Delivery. I freaking lost it! I just started bawling. I was so not ready for this baby to come out yet! I was worried, scared, and completely exhausted. I didn't want to go to L&D. I wanted to go to bed.

Hubs and I went to the hospital and were taken back to a room where they hooked me up on a fetal monitor to check on Baby Bean's heart rate, and another monitor to determine if I was having contractions or just braxton hicks. Sure enough, I was having full on contractions. I looked at Hubs and tried so hard not to cry. The next step was to do a vaginal swab to check for fetal fibronectin. Then came the absolute worst part of the evening. The nurse checked my cervix to see if I was dilated. Ladies, I am going to tell you something I think you all ought to know. Having your cervix checked hurts like a (@#*%&?&$&%*(?*#*!!!!! I wasn't bleeding when I went into L&D, but I sure was when I left. The most interesting part of the experience was that every time I would have a contraction, Baby Bean's heart rate would go up. Hubs thought it was kind of funny that he could tell when I was contracting. "You must be having a contraction." "Yep."

Long story short, we ended up being in L&D for 3 hours. My contractions were constant, but my cervix was completely closed. The fetal fibronectin came back negative, and they informed me that a neg result was a really good indication that I would not go into labor within the next two weeks (whew!). They have no clue why I was contracting. They gave me a shot of turbutaline that stopped the contractions within about 15 minutes, and then gave me a pill of the same just before they released me to go home. By the time I got to bed, it was almost 2:00 in the morning. Needless to say, I missed a lot of work today.

Luckily I already had a doctor appointment scheduled for today to follow up on my GD. She put my mind at ease with the contractions and told me when it would be time to be concerned if it happens again, which is basically if they continue for hours or get progressively painful. I also went over my blood test results with her regarding the GD and she said my numbers looked great. She said the dietitians at the Diabetes Center were a lot more conservative than her and she just wants my levels below 140, which means my 136 on Monday was normal. Yay! Yay! Yay! It IS as easy as I thought it would be. And I DO get to eat cookies still. :D

I'm just glad that I finally feel like things are back on track and like I can relax for at least another two weeks.

Picture Post

I thought it was time for a bit of picture fun, so I thought I would post up a few showing what has been going on in our house over the past few weeks. First off, a Big Belly shot.

Here I am, 31 weeks pregnant! I can't believe I only have 8 weeks to go! Baby Bean is currently wiggling up a storm, and boy is she getting strong. Her movements have taken my breath away a couple of times this week because they are so strong. I literally watch my belly bounce from one side to the other. Sometimes she just downright tickles me, which is the weirdest thing. She is getting big and space for her is definitely at a commodity. It cracks me up when she stretches out and my belly goes from round to oblong. I have started to waddle a bit, and I definitely walk slower these days. It is getting hard to get up from sitting, and pulling myself out of the car is a sight to see. lol I am having a hard time sleeping lately, but less than half of the reason is due to the baby. I am just really, really grateful for parental massages!

Here is Sadie, getting ready to help mom clean out the baby's room. Or perhaps I should say getting ready to shred anything mom leaves out in the baby's room that could accidentally be within her reach. But look at that face! How can I get mad at such a sweet puppy!

This is where the nursery cleaning project began. No, this monstrous closet isn't the baby's it's mine. I had to make room in here for all of the things currently in Baby Bean's room. Our house has next to zero storage, so it is a good thing I am really good at making things fit. I pride myself on my excellent packing skills.

This is the nursery about two weeks ago. I know it doesn't look like a whole heck of a lot right here, but this is about half of what needed to find a new home on my closet. This stuff was just what was lurking under the bed. I had that much again, if not more, in the closet. Yes, it was a very daunting task. However, once I got started, I loved it because I was cleaning out the room for my daughter.

Here is my closet post-nursery cleaning. As you can see, almost every single viewable space has been used to capacity. The shelves on the upper right are actually bowing, but Hubs assures me they were doing that before he packed them up with boxes for me.

Ahhhh! Done with the cleaning at last! I got the nursery to this point by about 5:00 last night. Keep in mind, it was a three-weekend project getting it here. I took a wee break, and then began taping out the walls in preparation for the lilac stripes I want to paint. I had to quit after I had taped out three stripes because they aren't going perfectly straight up and down the walls, so I opted to let Hubs help me with his perfectionist ways. I went and bought the paint for the room at 9:00 last night.

These boxes showed up from my sister on Thursday. They are packed FULL of baby gear. I haven't gone through them all yet because I am waiting until the nursery is painted so that I can move them up there, spread them out, and go through everything. The tall skinny box on the left is an heirloom crib that has been passed down from my mother's side of the family for generations. Its is a bassinet that looks like a miniature crib that my grandmother, mother, my siblings and I, and my sister's babies slept in. Now my little baby girl will sleep in it. I am pretty sure that with everything my sister sent, we won't need very much more. The only large item we have outstanding at this point is the swing.

Perhaps this picture doesn't do it justice, but this is one of the boxes my sister sent. They are seriously FULL of baby gear. Thanks Beanie!!! Believe me, I won't be upset you sent me so much. It will save us hundreds of dollars!

My pooches think they are pooped from all of the work I have been doing lately. I just love my snuggy little girls.

Now We Wait

I did it. I made it through the 3-hour glucose screening yesterday. And then I felt like crap for the whole rest of the day. Its a good thing the glucose drink made me completely sick to my stomach, otherwise I would have been starving by the time lunch came around. lol Unfortunately, I won't get my test results back for at least a week, so I am trying to cut out the sugar now and take lunches with me to work because I definitely eat better when I brown bag.

It also occurred to me today that I am less than 9 weeks away from this baby being born (because they will schedule my c-section a week before she is due), and I am not sure how the maternity leave process works. I plan on working right up until the baby is born so that I can take my full 8 weeks leave to be with her and not waste any of it waiting for her. I informed my HR rep of my decision and asked what I would need to do. It turns out, if I have to leave work early on doctor's orders (like for bed rest) I will get paid the entire time and it won't count against my 8 weeks of maternity leave. Likewise, if I am unable to return to work at the end of the 8 weeks, I will get paid until I am allowed to return. Have I mentioned yet how much I love my job?! I also found out we get Christmas bonuses, and that mine hit my bank account yesterday. I couldn't believe how much it was. Now I can afford to buy Hubs what I wanted to for Christmas!

The pregnancy has been totally different since the 3D ultrasound last week. I can now envision my little baby tucked soundly inside my tummy. I even have a clear mental picture of her face, which is so incredible. Up until the scan when people asked me if I was ready for her to come out, my response was always, "I am enjoying my pregnancy and don't wish a moment of it away." Now that I've seen my baby, I want her to be here only so I can hold her and start bonding with her, but not at all because I am miserable being pregnant, or wish she would just get out already.

I am also starting to get people asking me when I am "due to pop." I always flinch when people put it so eloquently. I guess I am big enough that people think I should be ready to give birth any day. At least they don't act surprised when I tell them I have less than 9 weeks. lol Either that, or as an outsider to the pregnancy, it seems as though I have been pregnant forever. Haven't I? I don't remember not being pregnant anymore, but you won't hear any complaints from me! I have loved every single second (except the reflux ones).

I have been having a lot of braxton hicks lately too. In fact, I've had three while I've been sitting here writing this post. I would call my doctor, but she is apparently out of town. I was actually supposed to have an appointment this morning, but they called and cancelled it yesterday while I was in their office doing my glucose test. I left work early this afternoon because I had three braxton hicks within 40 minutes, so I came home, put my feet up, and took a nap. I guess if they continue through tomorrow, I will call the doctor's office anyway.

In pooch news, Sadie has decided it is time to act out and stick it to the mom. I don't know what her deal is, but she has decided that the baby's room is a gigantic cave filled to the brim with chew toys just for her. The little stink actually goes in there, roots around, climbs up on things, and selects items from the room to chew on. I don't get why things in there are so much tastier than the toys in her toy box. Last night she rooted around in the closet, climbed up on a shelf, and pulled out a stuffed dog Christmas tree ornament that she tore up all over the house while I was in the shower. Sometimes it is a curse and a blessing that border collies are so smart. Lucky for her, I love her a lot. She has yet to be spanked by my hand, and I have a hard time working up the anger to get mad at her because I have been controlling my anger since I got pregnant to prevent it from hurting the baby. My next stop on the web tonight is Pets.mart to buy some new, interactive chew toys for her.

Crazy Crazy

I seriously can't believe another week has already flown by. I had every intention of blogging at least twice last week, but as we can all see, that never happened. There just seems to always be some reason that keeps me from blogging. *sigh* This week was also very crazy, not just busy, but dizzying.

I found out this week that the next Harry Potty movie was supposed to come out last Friday (the 21st), but has been pushed back 8 months to July 17 for a wonderfully selfish reason - ticket sales are better in July. Hubs says the decision was also because there was an apparent writers strike leaving few movies to be released in the big movie summer season, but the only reason I saw was pure greed. The producers came right out and said they made better box office sales when they released movies in the summer. Well fine, I will not be seeing HP the first couple weeks it is in the theater if for no other reason than that Hollywood will not get the majority of my ticket sale. Greedy jerks.

Speaking of greedy jerks, I recently put my pooches back on Sci.ence Di.et dog food to eliminate Maggie's diarrhea problems, which has been 100% successful. However, when I went to the pet store this weekend to buy another bag, I about died of sticker shock. $50 for a 35 lb bag! :0 Excuse me? Do the makers of SD dog food know that the country is in a recession? Needless to say, I am negotiations with the organic dog food maker who supplied our pooch food before I switched back to SD and we are going to try out a couple of different formulas to see if we can find a better pooch food for my pups. She thinks Maggie's issues were due to the protein content of the previous food being too high. I hope we can find something that works for us because her food is $54 for a 50 lb bag, its organic, they don't use corn fillers, and they deliver it to my door for free.

As for my doctor appointment on Tuesday, it went well. My doctor told me that my pains were common pregnancy pains and nothing to worry about. Whew! It was so nice to hear her say that. She also said that like me, she didn't think my cramps were braxton hicks either. I was cleared to travel for Thanksgiving, but told that we had to pull over every two hours so that I could walk around and stretch. I tried to tell my doctor about the nurses, but apparently I am really, really, really hormonal right now because the second I opened my mouth to tell her what was going on, I started bawling. Luckily hubs was there and filled the dr in on my problem. My doctor surprisingly didn't seem really surprised. She apologized and said that unfortunately, she had no say over who works there because she is one of 7 doctors in the office, and she is the newest one there. However, she did say that she would have a word with the nurses and felt bad that I was having such a horrible experience with them.

I spent the last two days cleaning all of my stuff out of the baby's room. I am quite pleased with my progress. I am about 90% done, and boy am I feeling it. I only need to clean out the last of the odds and ends, get Sweetie to move the heavy boxes into our closet, take the bed apart and store it, and then put up the crib. I even moved Baby Bean's things into the newly emptied closet. :) Yesterday we went to Lo.wes to pick out paint, but Hubs talked me into waiting until after our 3D ultrasound on Tuesday on the off chance that our little girl is really a little boy. (I sure hope its a girl!) With that in mind, I couldn't open all of my pink onesies and get them all washed up and into the dresser like I wanted to either. :( I guess it is all okay though because there really isn't enough time in one weekend to clean out the room out and paint it and get it set up, especially since I am still not done cleaning it out.

It has become really obvious this past week that my pregnancy hormones are in serious overdrive. I cry about everything. Mags decided to have a pansy dog day, and I went to work and cried about it for an hour. Yesterday I was getting ready for my day when a song came on my MP3 player that made me sit there, hold my belly, and cry. I think I cried 4 out of 5 days at work for one reason or another. At least I haven't cried about the stretch marks taking over my backside and thighs yet. lol I guess that could be because I am just happy there aren't any on my belly. I have also started to gain a slight waddle. It is usually only after I get up from sitting for a while because my muscles tend to get a little tight. Once I've taken a few steps things loosen up and I am cleared to walk normally.

If I don't get the chance to blog again this week, I wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving. If you are traveling, please do so safely. :)

Dang Cool

My fetal doppler came Monday afternoon and I didn't waste any time opening the box, getting the unit set up, and finding Baby Bean. A few minutes after searching, I found the baby. I just sat there with a big grin on my face as I listened to her heart beat away. I loved sitting there listening to the baby and thinking about what it looks like right now and imagining her squirming around, kicking her little arms and legs. Of course I couldn't turn in that night without hearing the heart beat again. This time I had Mags with me, since she sleeps in my room. She was not sure what to think about the sounds coming out of the unit. She sat there cocking her head from side to side and occasionally getting closer to the unit for a visual inspection and sniff of the speaker. When I hadn't found the baby after about 10 minutes I decided to get up and fold laundry for a bit and then try again. The next time I tried it took a few minutes, but I found her again. Last night she hid out for a while, so I gave up and played tug with Mags for a bit. The second time I tried I found her. This time I could tell she was really active because her heart beat would get quiet and go away, and then it would fade back in and get really loud. Then I could hear her swishing arms and legs and she did her baby aerobics. She was a really active little squirt. I am seriously glad I bit the bullet and bought the doppler. It has made my day every day since it came and it has helped me not worry about the baby.

Yesterday evening I went and had my first prenatal massage. I signed up for a massage membership a couple of years ago, so I get a prepaid massage every month that is included with my membership. I haven't been able to go since we moved here and had about 4 prepaids before we moved here. Needless to say, I have enough prepaid massages at this point that I could have one every other week for the rest of my pregnancy. Sweeeeeet. I was hoping it would help alleviate some of the pains I've started having in my legs lately, but the therapist yesterday gave me little more than a rub down. It was a disappointment to say the least, but at least the bed was a nice, warm contrast to the freezing office I had just left. And who doesn't like a full hour of complete relaxation?

I found out from my sister last night that the leg pains I've been experiencing are sciatica pains and that there isn't much I can do about them. If you haven't ever experienced them, all I can say is that they are near excruciating. Its the muscle on my outer, upper thigh and each respective side hurts when I sleep on that side. I've been trying to sleep only on my side lately, since I am normally a stomach sleeper, but after about half an hour on my side, the leg muscle I am laying on will begin to ache and hurt so bad that I can barely move my leg. I have also been trying not to sleep on my back, since this can be bad for both the baby and me once we both start to get a little bigger, but being on my back is the ONLY way to alleviate the pain once it starts. I just hope they eventually stop or go away because it is really disrupting my sleep, in addition to be extremely painful.

Today was a sad day for me. I went and got my car registered in Texas. I cried when the lady at the DMV handed me my new plates. After getting my car registered, I headed over to the Driver License office and applied for my Texas DL. You wouldn't think that any of this would be a big deal, but it put a damper on my day. I've never lived anywhere else before, so it was hard for me to let go of that little piece of my life. Hubs was happy for the change though. He told me I should be excited and be doing the happy dance. Not today sweetie.

I guess that is it for me tonight. I am really distracted while I write this post, so you will have to forgive me if it doesn't read well or is a bit jumbled. I just can't seem to focus today. Perhaps it is the lack of sleep (that would explain the eye twitching, too). Hopefully I will be more coherent next time I post.

Life In General

My sweetie got home last Friday from yet another business trip. I am happy to report that he will be home for a long time now, as the pleasure of his company has not yet been requested elsewhere. I hate when he is gone, but was willing to deal the past two weeks because he has been cooped up in our house since we moved in four months ago -- all due to the fact that he works from home. Of course my first task after getting him back was to ask him to please take the Week 15 belly picture (see below). I knew I was bigger simply because it is now official that NONE of my pre-pregnancy pants fit anymore. Not even my favorite pair of GAP blue jeans that fit with the button undone just a week ago. Needless to say, I was giddy! Baby bean is growing! Now I just need to scrape some money together to go buy a new wardrobe. I am even fast outgrowing the tops I thought would take me into the third trimester. It appears I will be carrying my baby high.

Pregnancy 15 weeks. The red dot is my laparoscopy scar.

I just have to say again how much I love being pregnant. I am sure a big part of it has to do with all we (or perhaps I should say I) went through to get where we are now. Each and every day is a miracle and a blessing to me, and I love each and every second of it. I can't read enough about how the baby is developing each week and read every book I can get my hands on. I love most of the ways my body is changing, minus the sprouting fat. My only comfort there is that I have only gained 6 pounds since being pregnant, and that is on the low side of average.

The one big downside to my weight gain is my feet have really started to hurt. I couldn't figure out why, and then one day I had a flashback to my college years when I had problems with my feet (totally not the same problems). My podiatrist at the time told me that if I gained even 30 pounds, my feet would collapse because of the angle of the bone structures. He even made a point of mentioning pregnancy would be hard on my feet. Being 19 and 117 lbs at the time, I didn't think much about it. But now that I am more than 20 lbs heavier and my feet are constantly killing me, I am thinking I had better do something about it and fast before it is a really problem in the coming months.

In other news that will make my parents and some of my close friends happy, after almost 4 years of absence from church, Hubs and I returned for the first time today. We had always promised that if we got pregnant or moved to Texas, we would go back. As the good Lord would have it, both occurrences happened right together. We have been trying to go back for the past couple months, but lacked the motivation. Today we got all dressed up and made our presence known. It was a great experience. The ward members were so warm and welcoming. On top of which, it is full of other pregnant women! We're pretty excited to be part of the congregation and plan on attending regularly now that we've finally made it through the doors. (Besides, I know they are going to send the welcoming committee in the following weeks.)

We Have a Date

I had my 4-week appointment today. It was pretty short and sweet. Basically my doctor told me that I could stand to gain a few more pounds because I apparently haven't gained a lot (I think that is awesome, personally). She also told me to cut back on my water aerobics. She was excited and encouraged me when I first told her I was going, but when I told her I am going three times a week for an hour each time, she told me I should probably back off to just twice a week. Then I told her that I loved the classes, but that they left me completely exhausted and that I had been dizzy after the two I went to this week. Then she told me that I should back it off to half an hour twice a week, but that I could bump it up as the weeks go by. My BFF thought it was funny that my doctor told me to gain weight and not work out as much. lol

I realized today that perhaps I am overdoing the exercise a bit when after only 8 minutes on the treadmill at work my heart started pounding. I wasn't even exerting myself, but I guess I have just been doing too much lately. I got off the moment I noticed my heart pounding, and within minutes I was so completely exhausted I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the rest of the day. All I wanted to do was curl up and sleep for the next 24 hours.

I also asked about the congestion and got the green light for some Zy.rt.ec before bed since I am in the second trimester. I am really looking forward to breathing again. I think that will also help with the exhaustion, since not being able to breathe makes me tired.

Before the end of the appointment I got to not only hear the baby's heartbeat, but her swishing movements as well. I started to panic a bit when it took the doctor a little while to find the heart beat. Had I known that the swishing noises she was finding was my baby moving around, I would have panicked less. But once she found the heartbeat, she told me what the swishing sounds were. Being pregnant and hormonal, I had to once again choke back the tears. My doctor also told me that my uterus can now be felt just directly below my belly button. That confirms why I can now see my belly button surgery scar!

My next appointment is scheduled, but it isn't for 4 weeks away. *BIG SIGH* I determined after leaving my appointment to finally bite the bullet and buy the fetal doppler since it could be another 4 weeks before I feel the baby move and I won't have the opportunity to hear the heart beat until then. I kind of have mixed feelings about the doppler though, especially after my doctor had a hard time finding the heart beat today. I am afraid that if I don't immediately find the heart beat on my own, I will panic. But the other side of that is when I do find it, it will put my mind at ease knowing everything is okay.

I also scheduled another appointment when I left today... the one where we get to find out the sex of the baby! It seems kind of funny because my next appointment is in four weeks, but my ultrasound is in five weeks. My options were to have two appointments a week apart, or hold off on both of them for five weeks. Come on, four weeks is bad enough, like I could wait for five!

Now the countdown begins!

Thank You!

I had a seriously awesome day today, and for one gigantic reason: I found a new vet! So here's the skinny: I realized that my current vet was going to charge me $41.50 PER dog just for setting foot through the door this Saturday for vaccinations. The thought of yet another $200 vet bill was making me ill because I got my own lab bills for all of the blood tests that have been run the past couple months (not cheap), on top of which my car is now due for registration, which means I get to go have emission and inspections done, then I have to go register my car (which I am told by my BFF who recently registered her car it will be $160 cash), then I have to go get my new Texas drivers license. What does that mean? It means I have about $500 worth of bills and car-related expenses looking me in the face.

When I told my sweetie it was going to cost me $83 right off the top just for taking my pooches to the vet, he got steamed and told me I needed to look for a new vet. So today, I did just that. I called around and found a vet at a national pet store chain that only charges $34.50 for seeing your dog, but not only that, they waive that fee every Tues and Thurs between 2-4 for vaccinations. That meant if I took my girls there today, I would only have to pay for their shots and nothing else. Sign me up baby! In my pooches went at 2:00 on the nose. I loved the new vet, and I loved everything she had to tell me even more.

I asked how much it would cost to microchip Sades: $35 compared to $65 at the other vet who also charged a yearly $15 fee. Why the crud would they need to charge me a yearly fee? They put the chip in and they are done. They don't have to activate it or keep it activated. If I choose not to pay the $15 yearly fee, will the extract the chip next time I take the dog in? "$65 for the chip and $15 a year huh? How 'bout you take that chip and shove it up your bum?" :D

Next up I asked if it would be possible to have Sades fully vaccinated by the time we go to Cayman so that I can board my pooches. The answer: Absolutely! I wanted to kiss the new vet! The last vet would only do four sets of shots (instead of three), and would only do them four weeks apart (no sooner), which meant Sades wouldn't be fully vaccinated until the end of October. Screw that! Luckily my BFF had consented to house/dog sit just in case Sades couldn't be vaccinated in time, but that is now a non-issue.

Then to top it all off, I was looking over the pet hotel information for the same pet store chain to get an idea of the boarding facilities, the services they provide, and how much it would cost. I was moved to tears. No joke! Not that I am this pathetic, but if I wanted to call my dogs to check in on them, I could call them on the "bone phone" just to say hello. They also serve doggie soft serve frozen yogurt. My pooches will get hypoallergenic, sterilized pooch beds and get play time in the courtyard with other friendly pooches. I can also leave two personal items with each dog, and that nearly made my tears spill over. Maggie has a bear we call "her crate mate" and "Replacement Bear." The idea that she can have that bear with her while we are away makes me so happy. (Sadie pooped on her crate mate and I have yet to replace it. [No, I am not washing a poop covered pooch toy.])

As for the pregnancy, I have no idea if I'm getting fat, or if I'm showing. The reason I am confused is because I can still suck my gut in. However, I do have the "thickening" around the middle. I guess I am starting to poke out a bit because I saw the belly button scar from my surgery last October for the first time today. I have looked and looked and looked for that scar since my surgery and was never able to find it. Today, it made its presence known, and I keep lifting up my shirt to look at it. lol

I am 14 weeks tomorrow, and I LOVE being pregnant. My next appointment is next Friday, and then we will set up the appointment where we get to find out the sex of the baby! If you haven't done so already, be sure to vote on what you think the baby is in my poll. :)

Sorry this post is so scatterbrained, but I am soooo exhausted! All I can think about is how it needs to be bed time because I am seriously tired, so I am going to sign off and make my way to bed now. :)

Taking a Break

I have decided I will be taking a break from blogging for a little while. The past couple weeks all I have had to blog about are negative things, and I am sure everyone (myself included) is tired of that kind of post from me. So until I have something newsworthy to share, I will just refrain from blogging.

But before I go, I do want to say that I went to the High Risk Prenatal Dr yesterday because I tested positive for a gene abnormality. We figured I would have the problem, since my older sister did, and we were right. Luckily it isn't a big deal. It can just lead to and be the cause of a blood clotting disorder, but most likely will not affect my pregnancy. We got to have the longest ultrasound of our pregnancy yet because we opted to do the down syndrome, neural tube defect, and trisiotemy (sp?) 18 screening done while we were there. The doctor said the baby looks perfect and he doesn't think he will need to see us back again during my pregnancy.

The lab tech, who as an absolute sweetheart, even guessed at the sex of the baby. She said that usually this little thing that shows up on the ultrasound is a good indicator. If it sticks straight out like this --, then it is a girl. If it sticks straight up like this , then it is a boy. Of course our bean's was half way in between, but she still hazarded a guess at a baby girl.

Since my emotions have been rampant lately, I had to try so hard not to cry through the entire ultrasound, but it was just so beautiful seeing so much of our little baby. We got to see her from every single angle, and they gave me 5 ultrasound pictures that are just beautiful. When the lab tech left and we were waiting for the doctor, I looked at Hubs, tears streaming down my face, and thanked him for making me a mommy. I am gushing tears even as I write this.

I do have to go back for another two rounds of blood work, and hopefully the next one will come back normal. If not, I will be seeing High Risk Dr throughout my pregnancy.

As for Mags, she passed her ailment onto Sadie, so I woke up to a crate full of runny poopy this morning. I took them straight to the vet and $160 later the diagnosis was they are perfectly fine, they probably just ate something that disagreed with them. The vet gave me some stool hardener and a few days worth of pills to help their systems. They are both on a bland diet for the next few days, but have a 100% healthy bill of health. The vet also told me to take them off the pumpkin soup, as it would make their stools runny, but it is a good remedy for a constipated pooch. Good to know.

So until I feel like things in my life are going better and I have something positive to post, I will be signing off for a while. Thank you so much to all of you who posted such lovely comments on my previous post. They made me cry. I love you all dearly and appreciate your friendship and support. I will still be checking in on all of you while I am on hiatus.

With much love. Later.

What a Day...

I don't think I would ever chalk today up as being one of my most favorite ever. I am actually just hoping to finish out the rest of the day incidence free at this point. All I can say is that I miss my old OB, vet, and mechanic more than ever.

This morning just before I headed out the door to go to work, I made a loo run. To my horror, I noticed I was spotting. My heart started pounding and my head started swimming. It was all brown spotting, which did mean it was old, but this didn't bring me much comfort as my monthly cycles usually start with the brown stuff too. I tried to pull myself together, but walked over to Hubs nearly sobbing and told him I was spotting and what should I do. I didn't know if I should call in sick to work or go, or if I should call my doctor or just wait and see what happened. Hubs tried to soothe me as best he could while he was half asleep, so I got up and called my sister to see what she said. Of course I was barely coherent when I called her because I was freaking out a little at this time. She, too, told me to calm down and that everything was fine. She said the fact that it was brown blood was a really good sign, as was the fact that I wasn't currently cramping, even though I had been the night before. I told her I had had an exam on Monday, but it didn't make any sense that the spotting from the exam would wait four days to show up. She said she was sure that was what it was, but told me to call my doctor anyway.

I know this sounds really stupid, but I didn't want to call my doctor. I was afraid they would make me leave a message with the nurse's voice mail and they wouldn't call me back, because that has already happened once before. So I opted to curl up on the couch with Mags and go to sleep, but not before tearfully calling my supervisor at work and informing him I would be late. While I was asleep my supervisor sent me a text message and told me to just stay home today and take care of myself. Can I just say I work for one of the best guys ever? I am sure he is so sensitive to my pregnancy because his own wife delivered their little girl at 27 weeks just over a year ago. (Yes, their baby survived, and she is one of the most gorgeous baby girls I have ever seen.)

When I woke up from my nap I went and found Hubs. When he asked if I had called the doctor and I told him no, I know he wanted to smack some sense into me. Instead he gave me a frustrated sigh and asked why not. He thought my reason was lame and proceeded to lecture me, so I called the doctor just to make him stop. To my shock and amazement, they handed the phone directly to a nurse who asked my information and said someone would call me back in a few minutes once they had spoken with a doctor. My doctor was not available for whatever reason today, so we got a call from another doctor's nurse saying they wanted me to come in for a sonogram just to make sure everything was okay. By this time the spotting had all but stopped, and I wasn't panicking anymore, but I wouldn't refuse a chance to see Baby Bean.

The ultrasound showed Baby Bean quietly sitting upside down inside with her little heart beating away. Everything is just fine, and the spotting has been attributed to my exam on Monday. Although the doctor I saw today thought it was odd that it took so long to happen too. By this time it was 3:00 and there was no point going to work, so I went home and slept for a couple of hours.

Then tonight I went outside to play ball with Mags (it is her FAVORITE thing ever in this whole entire world - she would play fetch professionally if she could). We play fetch using a ball thrower we bought at the pet store (if you're interested in seeing what it looks like, see this link). As I was swinging the chucker back to throw the ball Sadie got right in front of it and it smacked her square in the mouth. I heard a noise like a tooth breaking, so I held her down and to my horror, saw that one of her canines had been broken in half and the root in the inside of the tooth was exposed and bleeding. I tried to call my old vet who is an hour behind me to see if I needed to take Sades to a vet, but was told to call back in an hour. I am just praying he says she won't need to go to the vet because it is a baby tooth, but where it is broken in half I can see him saying it will need to be excised to prevent infection. In which case, my credit card is going to get a nice little workout from the vet yet again.

Needless to say, today has not been a banner day, and I am anxiously waiting for the sun to go down and my clock to prompt me it is time to go to bed. I feel like such a bad dog mom, and I really, really miss my old doctor and my old vet.

Shopping for Two

Last Thursday just before bed I came to the realization that I would not qualify for FMLA when our baby is born because I will not have been at my job for a full year. Of course I figured this out the first night after work before a long weekend, which inevitably sent me into a panic attack.

For those of you who don't know what FMLA is, it stands for Family Medical Leave Act. It secures a person's job for 12 weeks in any given 12-month period allowing them to miss work for medical reasons including child birth, or any other medical reason that would prevent someone from working. It also provides coverage for people who need to take work off to take care of an immediate family member who needs assistance for medical reasons.

To digress, I began to worry, but only slightly. I mean, my job DID pay over $50k to relocate me, they have invested tens of thousands of dollars to train me so far, they don't have another staff writer (I am the only one), my supervisor always tells me he won't even begin to consider me trained until I have been with the company for at least a year, and a whole host of other reasons. However, I woke up in a sweat that night because I had apparently been panicking about it in my sleep. Needless to say, I spent the entire long weekend trying to calm myself and not think about it until I could talk to HR on the following Monday.

It turns out my worrying was completely unnecessary. I walked into HR first thing Monday morning and asked if there was a maternity plan in place, and if I had to be there for a certain amount of time to qualify. The answer was yes, there is a plan, and no, there was no timeline to qualify. I was informed that I would be given EIGHT weeks of PAID leave (it would have been 6 if I were able to give birth naturally, but I will be c-section), my job would be secured, my benefits would remain intact, and I would be given an additional two weeks of paid vacation called "Mommy Days" that I could use whenever I needed to do things like take care of a sick infant, get the baby to doctor appointments, or just play hooky with my offspring. I couldn't believe it! I knew this job change was awesome, but it just gets even more awesome all of the time.

To add to the excitement, all of my work pants have start to fit a little too snugly. I wore a different pair of pants every day this week hoping that I would have at least one pair that would still fit, but no dice. I sported pants with the top button undone all week (luckily all of my shirts are long enough). I opted to buy some early pregnancy pants over "fat pants" because I am kind of tired of my belt line digging into my abdomen. It is definitely not comfortable. Once I tried on my first pair of preggie pants, I was hooked. They are so comfortable!

I realized toward the end of this week that none of my shorts fit anymore either, so my BFF and I went shopping for maternity shorts today (which I am currently wearing and loving!). My BFF talked me into trying on a few maternity shirts while we were there, and the sweetheart actually bought a shirt for me! I told her I would wear it and always tell everyone she bought it for me. My favorite part was when the clerk said she could tell we were best friends because of the way we talked to each other. I said, "You'd think we'd known each other forever too, but we've only been friends for a few months." We were totally meant to be BFFs.

My next doctor appointment is on Monday, and I am hoping we are going to get to peek at the baby again. I'm not sure what else they will do if they don't do an ultrasound. 10 weeks is when most women would have their first appointment, so I am sure I will go through all of those same things (exam, weight, blood pressure, etc.) minus the blood work, which we ran at my last appointment. Hopefully I will get some new ultrasound pictures to share, if so I'll be sure to scan them at work so I can post them up. :)

Exhaustion

I guess I should start out by wishing everyone a happy Independence Day. We celebrated the holiday by going to see a movie and hitting the grocery store. Yep, pretty lame, but pregnancy exhaustion has definitely set in. I slept 11 hours last night and got up twice to go potty, so the frequent "going" has also set in as well.

I told my supervisor at work a couple of weeks ago that the exhaustion was starting to set in, and that I didn't want to get fired for sleeping at work, so he went on a quest for a solution. The next day he pulled me into his office and said that he was okay with me going home to sleep for an hour or an hour and a half on the days that I absolutely could not make it otherwise, and that I could make up my time by staying later that day or coming in early the next morning. At the time I didn't think I would need to take him up on the offer very often, but I have had to take him up on it every single day this week.

My aversion to food is also outstanding this past week. EVERYTHING sounds disgusting, so if there is ever a point where anything sounds good, I have to eat it ASAP, or the desire to eat it will go away as quickly as it comes on. I have found that any manner of fresh fruit always sounds good to me, and especially if it has a hint of tartness. This past week I have eaten quite a few nectarines, craved pineapple, and just polished off a container of raspberries. Usually tart fruits in such large quantities would make me absolutely sick to my stomach, but I am finding it is the only thing that settles it these days. The one thing I can't hack even looking at: hamburger. Even the thought of hamburger makes me want to hurl. Most days I can't stomach the thought of meat in any form, but hamburger always turns me a shade of green.

I am not sure what changed in my head, but something has definitely changed over the last couple of days. I have decided that this baby is definitely going to be here in 7 months, and it is now okay to start thinking about names, nursery colors, and peeking at maternity clothes (I even bought some today!). I am genuinely excited to be pregnant. I no longer feel like I can't talk about it to people yet, and have started telling everyone at work. I walk around thinking, "I'm pregnant! I love it!" I have started to see our house as the place where this little bean is going to grow up. Today I was in the room that will be the nursery, which also happens to be my favorite room in the house because of the amazing light and sense of calm in the room, and allowed myself to think, "This is the nursery!" I have decided I will decorate it in "Classic Pooh." Mostly because I was a big Winnie fan growing up, and so have tons of Pooh items such as stuffed animals, pictures, etc. Once we find out what sex the baby is, I will paint light blue or light purple stripes on the walls to compliment the Classic Pooh theme. My eyes begin to well up a bit when I think about the fact that I know at which hospital my little bean will be born.

I am relishing being pregnant, and so now I am off to finish eating my raspberries and maybe snack on a couple of fruit rollups and ice cream all in the name of Baby Bean. :)

First Ultrasound

Today we had our first ultrasound. After sitting for an hour in the waiting room, we were finally called back to an exam room where we got to sit for another half hour. I did get the chance to inform my doctor of the uterine septum that was removed during my surgery last October, which placed us in the high risk category and instantly placed us in the c-section category.

I asked what my counts were from my second round of blood testing and my HCG counts went from 227 to 1,997 in the span of four days. My sweetie secretly hoped that would mean we had multiples, and couldn't wait to get into the ultrasound just to see how many babies were in there. We finally got into the ultrasound room and got to see our little Baby Bean. Sorry sweetie, there is only one. It measured at 8 weeks, and the heart was beating strongly. Of course my eyes welled up when my doctor pointed out the little heart and when she zoomed in so I could see the baby from crown to rump. Then she turned on the sound and we got to hear the heartbeat. I totally started to cry when I heard that.

The baby is developing well and looks perfectly healthy so far. We have pictures from the ultrasound, but our scanner met with a glass breaking accident tonight, so I am unable to show off the first pictures of our Baby Bean.

As for pregnancy symptoms, I really don't have many. The biggest problem I have is that NOTHING sounds good, so I constantly have to try to find things that don't sound disgusting. My girls are still a bit sore and getting bigger every day, a symptom neither of us minds one bit. I have also started to get a little bit of heartburn, and have been a tad more exhausted than normal. Overall I have no uncomfortable complaints. My mom said if I haven't had morning sickness by now, she doesn't think I will have any. I'm hoping the next four weeks are just as smooth sailing as the past six have been.

Our next checkup for Baby Bean is in two weeks. I am hoping they won't need to take another five vials of blood at that appointment like they did today. I also think we're going to get more checkups than a normal pregnancy because we were placed in the high risk category today, which I am completely okay with. The more opportunities I have to see my baby, the happier I will be.

It was just so amazing to see that little baby inside of me today. To realize that everything we've worked so hard for over the last two years is finally happening for us. I loved seeing the little head and arms and legs. Its crazy that the baby is so tiny, yet you can make out all of the limbs. Just keep growing little Baby Bean!

And the car? It turned out to be corroded battery connectors, and sweet $50 repair. I was elated to hear it wasn't anything bigger or more expensive.

I will sleep soundly tonight having seen my baby and knowing that my car will start reliably again for some time. :)

Surprise of All Surprises! (A MUST read!)

I don't even know how to begin this post, but it is most definitely one of the most exciting things I have blogged about yet. I have been mulling over how I would word it, how I would start it out, how I would break the news for days now, and I still have no clue how to do it. There are just no words to express the excitement in our little home right now. Perhaps I will use a picture to tell what is going on. Please excuse the fuzziness, but it is apparently difficult for any camera to zoom in on the key feature of this photograph, but I am sure you will all get the point.

That's right friends, the one who 100% completely gave up hope of ever seeing such a message from a long-time hated enemy has finally seen what I thought I would never see in my lifetime. I am pregnant! :o

Apparently the dizzy spells I had over a week ago were brought on by implantation. I wondered at the time if that was the cause, but as a very skeptical infertile who had completely given up on the possibility of motherhood, I chose to believe it was a strange format of migraine. When the dizziness didn't cease by the following Tuesday, I made a doctor appointment and point blank refused to take a pregnancy test when she suggested it, even though my monthly visitor was a day late, and she's never late.

Then on Thursday I had my first appointment with my new OB/GYN, to which I made Hubs go. I had set up the appointment a month ago after I spotted an entire 7 days before my unwanted visitor showed. So when I informed her that AF was now three days late, she of course wanted to do a pg test. I told her flat out no. This was after I had given her my entire IF history, so she was very sensitive to my emotional needs, but asked me three more times if I would please take a pg test. I finally relented, but mostly because I did have to pee really bad. A few minutes later, my doctor came in, leaned over me, and whispered in my ear, "It was positive. You're pregnant." Of course I instantly began to cry, and looked over at my sweetie for his reaction, who was still quite skeptical, as we have had a false positive pg test at a doctor's office before (I couldn't see a line, on the false positive test, but the nurses swore they could).

My doctor and her nurse told me the line was faint, but it was absolutely there. I asked if they were sure, because I had been told that once before. Then I asked to see the test. The nurse happily brought in my test, and sure enough, the pink line WAS there. I spent the rest of my appointment in a fog while my doctor talked to me about blood tests and prenatal vitamins. I just couldn't believe it. When I left her office I called all of my family members to break the news, and of course I cried every time I told someone new. It still wasn't sinking in at this point, however. I don't think it really sunk in until yesterday morning when I got up and took my first home pregnancy test just to confirm the positive result, and sure enough, it came back Pregnant.

Over the weekend the idea has slowly began to sink in. Today we headed over to B&N to buy the book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and the new "Eating Well When You're Expecting." The most interesting thing I read so far is that your 9 months begins at your last period, which means I am considered already a month along. The only symptom that is lingering is the sore, swelling "girls." The dizziness subsided after my doctor appointment on Tuesday. I have been a bit exhausted, but that is pretty normal for me. I don't have morning sickness (yet), but I have had some slight cramping. I had a tiny bit of spotting after my exam on Thursday, but that has subsided as well.

The next few weeks will be interesting since we get our puppy this Saturday. I have done almost everything I need to to prepare for her homecoming, but I still need to clean out the puppy crate and get it set up. I purchased a few toys for her, and have all of the other essentials like tag, collar, and leash. I ordered her and Mags a bag of locally made organic dog food, and it showed up on Friday. I guess I am more ready for her than I feel like I am.

The most interesting part about all of this is that I honest to God gave up on ever being pregnant, and now here I am, encouraging my little poppy seed to grow and thrive. What an amazing surprise for our family.