Rockin' Weekend

This past weekend was a busy and event-filled one. As I have said previously, we are finally starting on our backyard landscaping project. Part of the reason we bought this house was because the backyard is a completely blank slate that we could do whatever we wanted with. All we currently have back there is two crepe myrtles, a cork screw willow, a shed, and a stupid looking covered deck that we plan on taking out.


Our lot is rather large, which is yet another reason we bought this house. It is great for two high energy border collies, high energy kids, and perhaps a swimming pool one day. Yes, it really is that big. Actually, its bigger. I wasn't in the corner of the lot. Can you see the potential here?

We spent most of the day Saturday looking for the type of stone we want to use for our patio pavers and fish pond surround. (We're going to do that again this Saturday too, as Hubs has to look at every rock yard in the metroplex before he will be happy.) The day was rounded out with dinner at a new Tex Mex restaurant and a trip to Lo.wes to buy planters. While we were there, we ended up on the side of the store that sells playgrounds. Now as I have said, Hubs is NOT an impulse buyer. At all. But the second he saw this toddler swing, he wanted it.


Is that not one of the cutest things ever? I mean, look at the smile on this kid's face!



We seriously couldn't wait to put the swing in the tree and put Baby Bean in it. To make the weekend even better our "hick" pool, as Hubs calls it, arrived on Saturday. I wasted no time filling it up on Sunday morning, and within 45 minutes, we were all in it.


That totally is not the best picture of me or the baby, but this picture was taken after a long day outside where sweat poured down my face like rain. Yes, it is one of those inflatable ring pools, but we just don't give a rat's batoot. Its a pool that we can climb into and cool off on a hot, Texas summer day. I am still so excited about having it, it borders on pathetic. lol

It was a fantastic weekend. Our favorite part was obviously the pool, very closely followed with Baby Bean in her swing. Mom and dad, this one's for you!

It Wasn't So Bad

My first day back to work was actually about a million times better than I could have imagined. I loved being welcomed back and hearing everyone say how much they missed me. Of course the latter is because we are literally days away from a major product launch and my not being around the last four weeks kind of made things a little more hectic for people. Luckily I have awesome coworkers who were able to step up and fill my shoes while I was out.

I enjoyed being back amongst my friends, and oddly, I really enjoyed being back to work and being needed. I was planning on only doing a half day and going home after lunch, but there were a couple of fireballs dropped on my desk that needed to be done by the end of the day, so I didn't leave until around 3:30. Even when I did leave it was because one of my coworkers felt bad that I was still there and told me I could get him his stuff on Monday. I was so incredibly thankful because I was in a lot of discomfort.

One other thing I relished on Friday was a meeting I was in where I realized this is the year I am really going to earn my stripes with this company. We are launching a huge project around our manuals that is going to involve a lot of work and man hours from people all over the company, and I will be the hub of it. I am excited to tackle this project and make it huge. I plan on taking something that is already massive and turning it into something mammoth, and I know I can do it. It will be a long time before I have free time on my hands again. This project is going to take months of me working full time, and when its done, another major launch will be on my door step. This is what I have been waiting for.

I am totally okay with life getting back to the same old, same old now. I am actually really pleased and excited with it because in addition to work, Hubs is starting to move on landscaping our backyard. We went to a rock yard today and picked out the stone we want to use for the flagstone patios we're going to put in and use for the surround on our fish pond. Then tonight we went and got some planters that we are going to use to plant herbs and vegetables in around the yard. While a garden would be nice, above ground planters work better for keeping animals out and fit into our scheme better.

How is life right now? It is better than great, its fantastic!

No Need To Buckle Up

Well, my leave from work is over, and in less than 10 hours I will be back behind my desk with my computer booted and ready to go. Its all good, like I said, I love my job and I work with great people and have a lot of friends there. The issue hasn't been going back to work so much as it has life resuming the same crap, different pile.

I had Baby Bean home with me today so she could help this break go out with a bang. Holy crap I love that kid! She is just too stinking adorable! Have I mentioned yet that she says, "Love you"? Well she does, and it is the cutest thing EVER! Today she even said it when she knew she was in trouble, which made me laugh and hug her tight. We had some good mom and daughter bonding time today.

Even though life is going back to normal, there are some somewhat exciting things on the horizon. Now don't get your undies in an excited tizzy, but yesterday I ordered a pool from Wal.mart. Its one of those above ground vinyl pools that is 8' across and 33" deep. Its not much, but its a pool, and anyone who lives in Texas knows that you don't care what the thing looks like as long as you can soak in it to ease the summer heat. Not only that, but as I said before, we're about to landscape our entire backyard, so we need something temporary. Feel free to laugh with us. I promise you will see pictures once it arrives and we get it set up.

Hubs also keeps talking about taking a vacation, but being Hubs, I never believe what he says until the proof is in the pudding. He talks a lot, but that doesn't mean what he talks about will happen any time soon. I have learned not to get excited about anything he says until he actually puts his plastic where his mouth is. It would be nice to have a beach vacation to look forward to, and I'm sure he's pretty serious, I just need to get that airline ticket confirmation before I can allow myself to get giddy over that.

Anyway, its time for bed. I have to get up early tomorrow morning to join my fellow rats in the race.

Sometimes Boring Is Good

The other day I was kind of lamenting that I will be going back to work on Friday and the fact that life will resume its normal daily routine. Its not that I don't want to go back to work so much as it is that I am not looking forward to stepping back into the mundane daily bump and grind. Not only that, but we have nothing exciting on the horizon. We can't start trying for another baby until September or October (I know I said August, but we need to be smart about things and give my body time to heal; even September/October is pushing it). We don't have a vacation planned. Its summer, and not just summer, but summer in Texas, which is brutal. In short, life is going back to the same old, same old. Boring.

It kind of started to get me down and I didn't like that. I racked my brain trying to think of something to look forward to and be excited about. I did this for days and kept coming up with nothing. Yeah, we get to TTC later this year, but that is months away, and honestly, there has to be something better to look forward to. I'm kind of tired of this whole TTC crap right now anyway because there isn't a dang thing we can do about it that isn't completely stupid. I would really like to put it on the back burner until we're ready to be back in the game.

For a few days I sort of moped around the house. Yeah we're getting ready to finally start landscaping our back yard after living here for over two years. That's exciting and fun, but that project is going to move at a glacial pace. It isn't instant gratification by any means. Between right now and the moment that project is complete will be what feels like eons. In other words, there has to be something better.

Then one day it just hit me, maybe it is okay for life to be boring sometimes. It seems to me that during those times is when some of the best memories are made. Just because it is boring in terms of momentous events, it doesn't mean that the moments I am given are boring. I will still have my family and we will still have good times together. Even work isn't so bad as long as I have friends, and I have lots of them. Maybe the secret is to learn to find all of the moments in the moments, rather than hold my breath for the momentous. I don't know, its just a thought.

Life really is good, even if each moment of it isn't filled with the most spectacular or dramatic things life has to offer. Sometimes the lack of drama is just what the doctor ordered, and I'm pretty sure I already filled that prescription. Maybe its time to just sit back on the front porch in a handmade wooden rocking chair, fanning myself in the hot Texas summer heat as I watch the sun go down and sing a heart felt round of "Summer Time." Its time to kick back, relax, and let the boring times roll.

Please Welcome, My Sister

I have a very special announcement to make, my very own sister has recently joined our blogging community! Like me, and all of you, she has some form of infertility. We know she at least has PCOS, and possibly also has endo. Like so many of you with PCOS, she has the completely irregular cycles and maybe sees AF darken her doorstep a half dozen or so times a year. Thankfully, like some of us, she was able to overcome her infertility and conceive. But again, like some of us, that did not always result in a living baby.

My sister had her first baby in 2000 after battling gestational diabetes and pre-eclampsia. My niecie was born a few weeks early after my sister had been induced to prevent her pre-eclampsia from getting out of control.

In 2004 she got pregnant again, but the pregnancy was tumultuous from the get-go. Her first scan revealed an abnormality with the sac, and things just spiraled from there. My second niece was born at 24 weeks gestation because my sister's pre-eclampsia was so bad it was threatening her life, and the baby had begun to decline. My sweet baby niece lived for three days.

Like any mother who has lost a baby, my sister went into a very dark place for a long time. But like me, she chose to find the positive in her heartbreaking experience and use it to help educate and uplift others. As she pulled herself from her depression she found a hobby that brought her joy, and she started to make jewelry. She took that hobby and has turned it into a full-blown business, named affectionately after her second child, Kelsi. She now sells her jewelry on the Internet at her site named Kelsi's Closet Jewelbox. She also created a pendant that is used to represent the Pre-Eclampsia Foundation.

When Kelsi was born, doctors told my sister that she should not try to have any more children, that to do so was extremely risky. Well, both she and I are really stubborn when it comes to building our families and being told "no more." She told her doctors they could either help her, or she would do it without them.

In 2005, she did the usual three months of chlomid, and on the third month she got pregnant. Then began what should have been a beautiful pregnancy, but fraught by the scars of her last pregnancy, she never got her hopes up that it would result in a live baby, and never got attached to the child growing in her womb. Her pregnancy was monitored very closely, and she had to give herself lovinox shots daily to keep her baby girl growing. Thankfully, things went smoothly, and she gave birth to a healthy baby girl in 2006.

Since that time her cycles have gone back to being irregular. She had thought off and on about adding to her family, but knowing what she would have to go through should she get pregnant again, she ultimately decided against it. She didn't feel she was up for the emotional turmoil of another high risk pregnancy.

A couple of weeks before my surgery, I had a dream she had just given birth to a baby boy. I called her and asked her if she was pregnant. She laughed and told me no. Then we got to talking about how since my last niece was born, they had not been using any kind of protection against pregnancy, and how it was amazing she hadn't gotten pregnant.

Last week she called me, she's pregnant.

She was completely shocked, and understandably, not sure if she was ready for this. If I had gone through the hell she did with her last two pregnancies, I would be scared too! At my urging, she has created a blog to chronicle her journey through what will be another high risk pregnancy. I told her how much I love all of my bloggy friends and our blogosphere. If she wants love, support, and encouragement, this is the place to be!

Please hop on over to her new blog and give her a little loving. She certainly needs it as she tries to process what lies ahead of her.

Thanks friends!

The Barf Mobile

Thursday morning at the crack of 7:01 a.m., Hubs and I were awakened to the sound of Baby Bean puking in her crib. It is the first time she has ever thrown up at home. She wasn't running a fever, and she acted fine, other than the fact that she had tossed her cookies, so we made the decision to send her to daycare on the assumption that she had eaten something bad. That decision was also made in part because, well, I overdid it the day before. Shocker.

Hubs had dropped his truck off at the repair shop the night before, so he took my car that morning. After they had left for the day, I went back to bed. As soon as I woke up, however, I felt like the worst mother in the world. Why had I sent my sweet baby to daycare? And now I had no way to go get her. Screw that. I decided I would call my best friend and ask her to help me out.

Funny enough, when I got to my phone I had a text message from her, "Lunch?" You God send! How did she know? Sadly, I had also missed a call from the daycare. It turns out Baby Bean had some really bad diarrhea going on too. Long story short and an overly long lunch for my BFF, we got Baby Bean home just in time for both of us to go down for a 3-hour nap. When we both woke up, it was to an unwelcome terror. For the second time that day, I had to change her sheets and do an emergency batch of laundry. #2. 'Nuff said.

That night when Hubs got home, we were in a hurry to get over to the mechanic to pick up his truck before they closed. As soon as he opened the door of the car to put Baby Bean in, she puked. *cue horror music* All over her car seat, my car seat, the floor, the floor mat, her clothes, and her daddy. To make matters worse, I had given her a yogurt drink with live and active cultures to help kill off bacteria in her stomach. Let me tell you how awesome that smelled.

Even though my car was covered in vom, we had to hurry to get Hubs' truck, so into the barf mobile we packed and off we went. We decided at the mechanic's to head straight to a car wash to get a detail, but traffic had other plans for us, and I refused to sit in the barf mobile any longer than I had to, so I cut across a parking lot and went home to clean my car myself.

Guess who WAAAAAY overdid it? Yeah, that would be me. It knocked me on my @$$, which was a bad thing, as I had Baby Bean home from daycare the next day and could barely keep my eyes open. I just prayed for nap time all morning. I spent the day cleaning up massive diaper blowouts and doing emergency laundry in addition to taking care of a sick baby girl who was now running a low grade fever whilst also trying to take care of myself post-surgery.

Saturday morning rolled around, and I thought praise be to heaven. Hubs would be home to help out.... except he decided HE needed to sleep in on Saturday morning, leaving me to get Baby Bean up and going for the day. I was dead on my feet. Shortly after I got her fed and was getting ready to silence the beast in my own stomach, I was hit with a massive wave of nausea.

Apparently I had not been very careful the previous two days, as I had officially caught whatever Baby Bean had. I was now very aware that her illness had not been caused by bad food, or the fact that she has four molars coming in all at the same time. She had a virus.

Within half an hour I was dead to the world. I could not keep my eyes open as the virus fought its way through my body, threatening to make me vomit every second. I spent the entire day asleep. I woke up some time around 3:00 in the afternoon and managed to get down half a can of ginger ale and a few saltines. When Chelle doesn't eat at all, she is pretty freaking sick! By the end of the day the ginger ale count stood at 2, and the saltine count stood at around 10. The upside is the weight loss stood at around 4 lbs. :)

So that was my weekend, full of puke and poop. I thought of my own mother at some point when I was doing emergency laundry and thought to myself, "I bet my mom doesn't miss these kinds of days one bit."

She's Like Her Mama

If you're sick of the surgery and TTC updates from me, raise your hand.

That looks like pretty much everyone. Okay then, let's talk about something else for a bit, shall we? I thought it might be fun to talk about Baby Bean for a bit. Its been a long time since I've done that.

I want to start out by saying I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE being a mama, especially to my little girl. I just love her so much. On top of that, she is one smart little cookie. We get comments all of the time about how smart she is. She has a pretty big vocabulary already and picks up new words all of the time. She is big on repeating things you say too. Yes, we do have to watch what we say now. lol On top of her vocab, she is really good at knowing where things are, such as her mouth, teeth, nose, and cabesa. When asked, she can tell you what doggies and kitties say. She can even tell you what Maggie and Sadie say. It is so stinking adorable.

One of my favorite things is how much she is like her mama. I inherited my love of dogs from my dad. I got my first dog when I was about 6 years old and have had dogs ever since. I used to spend all day outside playing with my dog growing up. I could often times be found in the dog house with my pooch. I would crawl in there with colored chalk and draw pictures of furniture on the walls for them. I would throw them birthday parties, and I created a summer camp for them one year in which I sewed capes for them and created a camp song.

Baby Bean is starting to become attached to our dogs, but especially Sadie. I think those two are going to be the best of friends over the years. Sadie is such a good girl, well, they both are, but Baby bean likes Sades the best. She crawls all over her, hits her on the head with things, pulls her fur and all that jazz. Sades doesn't mind one bit. She just sits there and takes the abuse. Baby Bean also likes to crawl into Sadie's crate and kick her out. She thinks it is so much fun to be in there, and often times she will close the door and just hang out.


It makes her daddy and I laugh. It makes me laugh more because I used to do the same thing, only I kept the dog in there with me.

The other day Baby Bean had gone and gotten the dog's leash out of the basket of her stroller and was attempting to put it on Sadie.


See what I mean about Sadie just sitting there and letting the baby do whatever she wants? Sometimes on our walks, her dad will hand her Sadie's leash while she is in the stroller. It is amazing how Sades just knows Baby Bean has the leash, so she doesn't pull at all and walks right next to the stroller.

Baby Bean also likes to share her food with Sades, or rather, she tries to share. Sadie knows she isn't allowed to take food from the baby, so she usually just acknowledges that Baby Bean is trying to share.


I love that my daughter is gaining my love and appreciation for dogs. I am so glad that I have two of the best, most gentle, child-loving dogs. It is so much fun to watch them all interact and love each other. We love our "Farty Party Dog."

All That Matters Is What Remains

Today Hubs and I went and met with our high risk OB. We had been to see him before when I was pregnant with Baby Bean to do the down syndrome testing and all that jazz, so we knew who he was, which gave me a little sense of comfort. We were seated in his office, and a few seconds later Dr. P walked in. He went over our previous genetic counseling that was done in his office and then asked what he could do for us. We immediately began giving him the full back story. I won't lie, I was nervous. I was on the verge of shaking. I wasn't sure if he was going to agree with the Mayo doctors or with Dr. D.

After Hubs and I finished vomiting my history, he smiled and said something along the lines of, "None of that matters anymore. All that matters is what remains. You no longer have a uterine septum, that's gone. You no longer have a weak spot in the fundus of your uterus, that has been removed. All that we are concerned about now is the new scar tissue in the fundus and your low traverse c-section scar."

I had thought about that before, about how everything else had been erased by this surgery, but for some reason hearing him say that took a huge weight off my shoulders. I needed that confirmation.

We told him about everything Dr. D had told us before we went to Mayo, about the risk of premature birth, uterine rupture, and immediate hysterectomy if we got pregnant again, and then we told him about how the doctors at Mayo disagreed. You know what? He agreed with the doctors at Mayo. He said that the most likely outcome for my next pregnancy would be that I would carry full term.

It took me a minute to process what he said. It was like all of a sudden all of these really scary things I had been thinking through went out the window. Yeah, they can happen, but most likely, they won't. For the rest of our appointment, I was processing the fact that my next pregnancy probably won't as high risk as I thought. Mind you, Dr. P did reiterate that it will be high risk, and it will be very closely monitored. He also reminded us of the potential complications, especially that of placenta previa (which all women who have had previous c-sections are at risk of) and placenta accreta.

There is only one thing he said the whole time we were there that made me flinch, and that is that I have a "scarred uterus." I know I do, but I don't like hearing it, even though I have said that a million times myself. Hearing it from a medical professional is kind of jarring. "Your reproductive organ is one big ball of scar tissue." Awesome. "You have a scar on the top and a scar on the bottom. You have scars around your ovaries and scars across your uterus. Is there anywhere you don't have scars?" Okay, so its not as bad as it was. Dr. D did clear out as much of the scar tissue as he could find. It still just stinks though.

The important thing is Hubs and I left that office today excited and happy to create another baby together for a change. Some of the fear has been lifted, and some of the mystery removed. All we do now is get knocked up in a few months, and then as our doctors say, take it all as it comes.

Did *I* Say That?

Dear Fac.ebook,

You suck. Tonight I hate you.

Sending my loathe,
Chelle

Yep, I said that. I have never really hated FB as much as I do tonight. Admittedly, I have always had an underlying loathe for it with all of my infertile friends who can call it "InYourFaceBook" because it is where pregnancy announcements are made and belly pictures are posted, adding salt to already festering wounds. Even I have been victim to such an announcement and wanted to slap the person who posted it. Mostly because she called me one day while I was doing infertility treatments and cried in my ear because she thought she was experiencing secondary infertility. She had been trying for three whole entire months and had been unable to conceive. I wanted to throttle her and tell her what REAL infertility is like.

I had been doing infertility treatments for A YEAR!

She called to tell me she had scheduled an appointment with an RE in three-month's time. She then called me two months later to tell me she was pregnant.

But all of that is beside the point. I got on tonight, thinking it would be fun to see what everyone was up to. For some reason, within seconds, I was seething on the inside. A few of my friends had posted recent family pictures with their three and four children. I looked at their children. I looked at them. They are all so happy. They have these beautiful families. They have families that I know came effortlessly. As I thought about how none of them had to go through what I am right now, I started to get angry. Usually I am able to quell that monster and be happy for them, but tonight, tonight for some reason I just can't.

I looked at their picture-perfect families, knowing that one day they looked at their spouse and said, "Let's have a baby!" and a few months later, there was a bun in the oven. What must that be like? I have never had the pleasure of that feeling because from the day I was welcomed into womanhood at 13-years-old, I knew I would have a hard time getting pregnant one day. I always knew.

Maybe I am maddened by it tonight because I walked a quarter mile or so to the duck pond with my little family, and half way there I wanted to pull over and vomit because I had overdone it. I sucked it up and kept walking, not saying anything to Hubs, until we were almost to the pond. Guess who looks 6 months pregnant tonight now? I kid you not. I thought about taking a picture. My belly is swollen and hard, and it isn't because there is a baby inside.

I look at their effortless families, and I am so mad that I am having to fight so hard for my children. And I am made even more angry in thinking about the fact that when I DO get pregnant again, I will feel guilty making the announcement despite the fact that I have had to go through so much hell to get there, and then the pregnancy will be high risk at that!

I am having to fight tooth and nail to be a mother, and it isn't supposed to be this way!

Why do I have to have surgery before I can even consider getting pregnant every time I want to add to our family? Why can't I just get pregnant effortlessly one time and not have to worry about carrying to term.

Do you know what I think about lately? What the title of my blog post will be when I do get pregnant: "Buckle Up, Cause Here We Go!" "No Turning Back Now!" And then I think about how I will feel when I get my BFP. I am going to have such mixed emotions. I will be elated, but I will also be completely scared. The pregnancy could be perfect, and it could also go horribly wrong. The bottom line is, I will enjoy each and every second that baby is in there because I know up front that at any second, everything could go downhill. Sure that is the case with every pregnancy, but come on, my pregnancy will be at a much higher risk for that than a typical pregnancy.

Dr. D was right, I will be feeling each and every twinge, wondering if that twinge was okay, or if I need to get to the hospital. Will I be one of those women who is on a first name basis with all the nurses in L&D? The one they see coming and go, "Here she is again."

I'm going to be honest, I don't think we'll have a hard time getting pregnant this next time around. Mostly because I just got checked out by an RE and he said everything looks great. He said that if he didn't know I had endo, he wouldn't have even thought to look for it because there just wasn't anything in there.

My battle will not be to get pregnant this time, it will be to stay pregnant, and then it will be to preserve the uterus so that we can do it all again at least one more time.

The desire to be a mother is strong with this one.

Look at everything I have done and everything I am willing to do to build my family. I have and am literally laying my life on the line, knowingly.

All of my friends on FB who aren't part of this blogosphere or who aren't going through infertility don't know what a feat my children are. I pray that they don't take their families for granted for one second, although I know some of them do because they post it in their updates. It makes me angry when I read updates where my friends complain about their children. They have no idea how blessed they are, and I wish I could tell them.

If there is one thing I'm not, it is shy about my battle with infertility. How else can I help people appreciate what a blessing their children are if they don't realize how blessed they are to have them without having to fight like hell to get them? Think your kids are driving you insane? Come talk to me for 15 minutes. I'll have you hugging the daylights out of those little buggers while you weep and kiss their heads and thank God for sending them to you. I will help you put your blessings into perspective. I'm not one ounce shy about doing so either.

Tonight, I dislike FB very, very much, because it reminded me that I am 1 in 7. It reminded me that all of the kids I grew up with have their big, beautiful families, while I struggle to build mine. It reminded me that until I started blogging, I was alone in my fight. It made me aware that most of my friends have no idea what it is like to fight so hard to be a parent.

Every now and then, we all need to get in touch with those deep dark feelings because they remind us of how far we have come, and how much it has shaped us into who we are. Tonight, I am angry.

Fear not, however, because by the time tomorrow morning rolls around and my swelling has subsided, I will be back to my chipper self. The one who is okay with this battle and proudly carrying the torch for infertility.

"You Look Great!"

The comment I love getting the most from everyone lately is, "Wow, you look great!" In fact, if you didn't know I just had surgery two weeks ago, you would never know. I don't look all beat down like I did after my laparoscopy three years ago, and I am definitely back on my feet quicker this time around. Even Hubs mentioned that this is the best I have looked and recovered after any of my surgeries. Additionally, I don't walk slowly or funny to accommodate my pain. In fact, I am off the pain meds all together and have been for about half a week now.

Tonight we had company over for a bit, one of my coworkers and his beautiful fiance. He had asked me to make some cookies for her using a recipe she loved, so I made a whole batch just for them. She just finished nursing school and is getting ready to start her career at the end of this month. She told me she was amazed at how well I am doing and looking post surgery. I smiled and told her that recovery is all in your head. I had already waited too long to start trying for another baby, and that this was all just a speed bump. If all I had to do was have surgery and recovery quickly, then I was going to do it, and the quicker the better. I was totally over having the surgery before I even knew I had to have it.

Honestly, I think I could go back to work the week after next if I really wanted to, but I am going to take it easy until I have to go back to give myself as much time as possible to ensure I heal as best I possibly can. I really don't feel much pain anymore. It is a little uncomfortable at times, but most of the time I don't even notice it anymore. The one thing I do notice and that drives me kind of nuts, is the total and complete lack of feeling between the top of the incision and my belly button. THAT weirds me out. I don't remember having that problem after my c-section, but that doesn't mean I didn't.

Rest assured, I am still taking it easy compared to my life before surgery. I still don't carry Baby Bean more than a few feet, and definitely not up and down stairs yet. I am still not back to driving and might not be for another week (my choice). I sleep a lot. So while I get a lot done around here, I have a lot more time to do it in, and a lot more time to take it easy in between.

See, there is a blessing in everything!

Awesome Update

Today was my two-week post surgery follow-up, and I have to say, it went great! Dr. D was so pleased with how well I have been healing. He commented on how well I looked, especially since I had surgery only two weeks ago. I guess he expected me to come in looking like I had been hit by a bus, but instead I was happy and excited to see him.

He told me again that I only have to wait two cycles, and then we'll do the sonohystogram to ensure that everything is healing the way it should, then we will be back at baby making. I asked if the cycle I am currently on counts toward the two, and he said YES! I about got up off the table and hugged him! That means we will be back to trying for #2 in AUGUST!!!

I'm not exited. Not at all. :p Just in case you couldn't tell, I'm bouncing off the dang walls!

I did ask what he meant by things being more complicated in the surgery, and he said that the weak spot was about 2-3 times as big as he thought it would be width-wise. He said it was along the whole top of the uterus, but it sounds like that worked in our favor because he was able to find and stitch all three layers of the uterus, which he feels will make it stronger. He said he feels really good about how surgery went, and really good about our chances of carrying a full term pregnancy!

After I got home, I ripped off the steri-tape. That was WEIRD. One, because I can't feel anything about an inch and a half above the incision site still, and two, because the incision looks so weird. It doesn't look real. Almost like I have a scratch and not a major cut across my abdomen. Its just weird.

In other good news, I have an appointment with a high risk OB next week. See, Chelle doesn't waste time! Next Tuesday I am going to go in and map out our pregnancy battle plan, and see if he agrees with Dr. D about trying as soon as august. I can't wait!

To make my excitement even bigger everyone around me is pregnant. EVERYONE. I feel left behind, and it kind of makes me want to punch my dysfunctional uterus, but as long as I am back in the saddle by August, I think I can hold out. I just want to be on the bandwagon! Three of my best friends are pregnant, one of their sisters is pregnant, my husband's best friend's wife is pregnant, and one of my other best friends is going to be pregnant in July (she's going to Turkey for IVF). I want in on the excitement yo!

Today my husband and I laughed at the thought that my uterus has had more work done on it than my 8-year-old car, and that all of the work it has had done, cost more than all the work done on my car. We laughed and said we wished we could trade it in for the newer model. Not just the newer model, but the highly fertile model. The one where all he has to do is look at me funny and I get pregnant. If only, eh?

Wanted: One highly fertile pristine uterus.

"Overdo-It" is My Middle Name

The idea of laying around day after day for weeks in a row is wonderful, in theory, but as I have said before, I am not a lay about and do nothing type of person.

Yes, I took it easy the next few days after my bout of stupidity last Thursday in which I carried my 27 lb daughter up and down a flight of stairs, but that was mostly because I hurt too stinking bad and was too stinking swollen to not, and then it was the weekend, which meant Hubs was home, which meant Chelle was on her backside whether she liked it or not.

I had every intention of taking it easy and doing nothing but laying on my backside through Wednesday of this week. I swore to Hubs I wouldn't do any housework. Especially after I took 4 hours yesterday to clean up the area around my desk, find my desk, and then clean it out too. All while Hubs kept me company to ensure I didn't overdo it. We both liked the end result of that one, especially as my desk is visible upon entering our house.

The only plans I had for today were to continue painstakingly working on my curtains with beaded tassel fringe, and go to lunch and Targae (Tar.get) with my best friend. We spent forever at Targae. Hours. I knew I was overdoing it, but I didn't want to tell S that for fear she would march me out of there and take me home before I had everything on my list. And truth be told, my incision only felt like a minor annoyance rather than what it really is, a slice across my abdomen and through all of my abdominal muscles. So I pushed on and completed most of my list. By the time we walked out of there, I could feel with every single step how swollen I was. Before heading home, we stopped at a gourmet popcorn store, as we are both BIG popcorn lovers.

Upon arriving home, I popped a Diet. Dr. Pe.pper, laid back, ate my tasty gourmet popcorn, and watched TV before falling asleep at 4:30.

After Hubs got home, I just wanted to keep going. My kitchen has become an absolute mess. It took everything I had to keep from tackling it, mostly because I knew I would be in trouble if I tried. I think I only got told to go sit down and stop doing things two or three times tonight, which is pretty good.

I would like to say I will spend the next couple days on my backside, snoozing, and watching TV, but let's face it, I am Chelle Overdo-It (Insert Last Name Here). I HAVE to finish cleaning the room where my desk is, I HAVE to clean the kitchen, and I HAVE, HAVE, HAVE to vacuum my house. As much as I would like to say I will break those things up over the space of a couple days, I won't.

Why not have hubs do it, you ask? Because he has gotten a taste of what it is like to be me. How it feels to work a full time job while being a mother, a housekeeper, and a cook. He doesn't help me with the housework, like ever. I do it all. I'm a one-woman-band. After one week in my shoes, he is EXHAUSTED when he gets home. Tonight, it took every ounce of strength in his body to give Baby Bean a bath. The rest of the time all he could do was lay around. Secretly, I gloated. Take that sweet little pill and swallow it whole! But on that same note, he is too exhausted to clean the kitchen now, which he never does right anyway (he rinses the dishes and sets them on the counter; he doesn't know how to load and unload the dishwasher). If I asked him to vacuum, I know what his response would be. The bottom line is, I would have to do all of those things myself tomorrow anyway, so why bother asking?

I do want to say, however, that once I am totally back on my feet, I fully intend to make him help out more around the house. He knows what to do now, so he can't use that as an excuse. I should also add that our deal when we got married was he would pay for everything, and I would clean. That deal never worked out the way it should. lol

So tomorrow, once I roll my sore butt out of bed, I will be up and at 'em. I think tomorrow I will finally make the pancakes and bacon for breakfast that I've been craving since I got home from the hospital. :)

Peace out,
Chelle Overdo-It (Insert Last Name Here)

Stupidity Hurts

Tuesday and Wednesday of this week I did nothing except lay on my backside, taking it easy, which left me feeling pretty good and hurting very little. So yesterday after I did my blog post, I vacuumed, cleaned the kitchen, and started cleaning my seriously cluttered desk area that is sorely visible when you walk in our front door. I did all of that and still felt great. Sweet! But I didn't do any more after that, for fear of overdoing it.

Then Hubs and Baby Bean got home. I thought it would be fun to let her play in the dog's pool I had just put fresh water in that morning, so I put her in a swim diaper and took her outside. Hubs went and mowed the front lawn while I watched Baby Bean in the pool. For some stupid reason, I decided she needed to get out before he was done mowing the lawn, so I picked her up, carried her upstairs, put her on her changing table, dried her off, dressed her, and then carried her back down stairs. I gave her some ty.lenol for a nasty diaper rash she was sporting, and then picked her up and carried her into the other room.

My stomach was burning.

It was starting to swell.

I knew I had been stupid in that moment.

Hubs came in, and I debated over whether or not to tell him. I knew he'd be mad, and I knew he'd say, "I told you not to do that!" But I was starting to get concerned that maybe I had busted an internal stitch, in which case, I would have to tell him at some point anyway.

I told him. He was mad.

Apparently not lifting anything over 10 lbs applies to the same 2-week rule as driving a car. But in my defense, Dr. D told me that I could pick up the baby as soon as I felt like I could. He said to just kind of play it by ear, and that I shouldn't have to wait more than a few days, even after I told him Baby Bean is nearly 30 lbs.

I think what did me in was carrying her up and down the stairs, and the changing table. I am sure if I just carried her from one room to the other, I would have been fine. But no, I just had to carry her up and down the stairs, as opposed to helping her walk up and down them.

I spent the rest of the night hurting, no matter how much medication I took. I was so swollen I looked 6 months pregnant. It was a very uncomfortable night sleeping too.

Today I can attest to the fact that stupidity really does hurt.

The Beginning

Okay, so I think the uprising is beginning. Being pent up is starting to get to me. More so because I am realizing just how cluttered and messy my house is. This isn't from lack of cleaning on my part, but more of a lack of time to clean in the way I would like. Its been a long time since my house had a good deep clean. So as I lay on my backside, trying to ignore the dog fur ball that just rolled across the floor and landed next to the dead bug who mocks me even in his eternal slumber, my butt starts to twitch (if you've ever seen Fr.ench Kiss, you will get this reference).

I.Can't.Take. It!!!!

Exactly how many days am I supposed to take it easy? Exactly how long do I have to wait before I can vacuum? A girl can only sleep so much before she doesn't need anymore for the day. And since it is the beginning of summer, the TV lineup really sucks right now. I mean, REALLY sucks.

I am a go-getter type of gal. When I want to do something, I dang well do it. I'm not the type to sit around all day every day. I go crazy. There is always SOMETHING to be done. I had to give my dogs their flea and tick medication on Monday, and I haven't been able to bathe them yet. Do you know how nuts that drives me? I made an appointment for them at the groomer, but it isn't until Saturday. They stink! And that flea and tick stuff makes their fur gross.

All I do now is look around at the multitude of things that need to be done and realize I can't do any of them yet. Not only that, but I realize I need to go out and buy things to do some of these things, and I can't freaking drive for another week! I want to buy a kiddie pool for Baby Bean because she LOVES the water and crawls into the dog pool every chance she gets, but I need to scrub off our deck before I do that because if the deck gets wet, she gets filthy. "Cool, I'll scrub the deck today and not tell Hubs. Oh wait, I think it would help if I had some deck cleaner. Oh wait, I can't drive. My car isn't even here." *begin butt twitching*

I told myself last night I would do some light projects today. For example, I am trying to make curtains for one room in our house. It is a simple enough project, but I am adding some trim to them, and I can't quite figure out how to get the trim on without the bias tape showing. One day a few months back I got frustrated with it and just sewed the trim on, thinking I would figure it out from there. It didn't work. I need to take the trim off and start over. So I shoved the curtains in a bag, and set them aside for a day when I had time to rip out the seams. Perfect project for right now. Except, I don't want to sit on my butt! I want to be up and moving around. I want to vacuum and clean. Can't the light stuff wait until I am pooped, swollen, and sore from the cleaning? Can't I earn my nap today?

Oh yes my friends, the uprising has begun. I see the natives in the bushes. They're watching me and noting my every move. The battle is about to begin!

No Hulu Uprising Yet

It's day 4 of my captivity, and it is safe to say that I have yet to see anything on the Hulu uprising front.

In other words, cabin fever is not yet in sight. (If you have ever seen Spac.eman, you would know where that line came from.)

I am actually really enjoying my time home alone so far. My house is so peaceful, airy, and bright. We have loads of huge windows that let in the pleasant summer sun. So far all I have done is sit around, blog, watch TV, and sleep. I took it easy yesterday, as commanded by Hubs, and I'm taking it easy again today.

I am happy to announce I got the movement I was wishing for yesterday too. It is sad, but it made me so happy I danced around and sang. The best part is it wasn't painful. I had taken half a bottle of magnesium citrate to get things moving, and it did the trick. I can't tell you what a relief it was. All of you gals who have been through laps know EXACTLY what I am talking about.

I have to say, I seriously have the best husband ever. The man has totally stepped up and taken over. As sad as it is to say this, I enjoy watching him run around and try to do everything I normally do on my own. I enjoy watching it frazzle him, and make him tired. He is getting a taste of what it is like to be me. Our tables are genuinely turned. I sit on my bum and watch him do everything. :D He even vacuumed the other day, which I should have caught on video, as it is such a rare occurrence in my house. In fact, the first time he ever met our vacuum was the day I came home from the hospital with Baby Bean 16 months ago today.

I really love watching him with Baby Bean though. He is such a cute daddy. He loves that child more than anything in this world, and more than he has ever loved anyone or anything. It makes all of this even more worth it. And the way he has been treating me like I am something very fragile the last few days tells me that he not only loves me more than the air he breathes, but that he wants another baby just as badly as I do. The best thing we ever gave each other was our daughter. I am so blessed beyond words to get to build a family with this man and then spend the rest of eternity with him. My children are blessed to have such an amazing dad. In fact, I am wearing a shirt today that says, "My husband rocks!" I figure the world deserves to know... I guess they would only know if I was able to leave my house. So much for that plan!

Anyway, its time for some lunch, an afternoon nap, and then more blogging. Pain and discomfort aside, this is the life. ;)

Post-Op

Today is my first day home alone since the surgery, and I am remembering all of the things I really don't like post-op.

First of all, I hate not being able to do anything except lie around like a helpless bump on a log. I always forget that just because I feel good in the moment, it doesn't mean I can be actively doing things because it is often paid for later in the form of swelling and pain. Yesterday I was feeling pretty great, so I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the counter tops, and made bean and corn salsa with fresh homemade tortilla chips. Yeah, I was paying big time for that one later on. As a result, Hubs has made me promise not to do anything today except for lay around. He even gave me a list of things I am not allowed to do, and he is pretty serious about my sticking to it. I WAS going to try to give the dogs a bath, yes for real, but decided I don't want Hubs to be upset with me, so I will lay around on my arse to make him happy.

I forgot how much it hurts to laugh, sneeze, cough, or do anything that involves abdominal muscles. It even hurts to do ab crunches! Who knew? Totally kidding on that last one. I didn't remember how much I could dread a simple sneeze until my allergies kicked in last night. And remember how I couldn't leave the hospital until I passed gas? Well each toot has been relished like you wouldn't believe. Last night I was walking upstairs to go to bed and stopped to let one escape. It was kind of loud, and I stood there for a second hoping Hubs hadn't heard it. A split second later he shouted, "Holy crap!" It made me laugh so hard, which hurt so bad I could barely stand there.

The other thing I hoped wouldn't happen this time around, the lack of a BM (bowel movement). I remember how excruciating it was to have a BM after my first laparoscopy because when you haven't had one in days, it takes a lot of work to get things going again. I had to take a bowel prep before my surgery this time, which I didn't do before the last two, and so I thought it might get things moving quicker. No dice. The stool softeners haven't made one dang bit of difference. Can I just say I am completely dreading it? I KNOW that's gonna hurt.

The hardest thing has been not being able to pick up Baby Bean. I feel like she thinks I am not picking her up because I don't want her. Her attitude toward me has definitely changed. The first day she came to see me in the hospital, it took her a couple hours before she warmed up to me and wanted to sit with me. I'm not going to lie, it kind of hurt. I feel like she has taken this whole thing personally, and it really breaks my heart. I want nothing more than to hold her and carry her cute little butt around, but she doesn't understand that I can't. I have no idea how long I have to wait to pick her up, but it has already been way too long.

Even though I am still in the yucky post-op phase, the big picture has never left my sight. I look at Baby Bean and tell her she was all worth it, and her siblings are just as worth it as she is. I tell her I did do all of this for her, and now I am doing it all again so she will have at least one sibling. All of the children I get out of this battle will be worth it. This moment is a small blip in a very big picture. It is part of my story, and my children's stories. They will always know how very much I wanted them, and there will never be any question in their minds.