Where the Adventure Began

When Hubs and I began undergoing infertility treatments, I went through pretty much all of it on my own. I had no one to talk to who really understood what I was going through, and no outlet for my feelings and emotions. In May 2007, I started to blog. At first I did it as a joke, but then I realized how therapeutic it was. I started to blog every now and then about our struggles, and then by October of that year, it was the reason behind it all. I "met" so many fantastic women who were in my shoes or had been there, and all of a sudden, I wasn't alone anymore. I had a support system to go along with my writing therapy.

My blog started out on my MySpace page, but then moved over here to make it more accessible to family and friends. Below is my first ever post from my first blog about our infertility history.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Infertility
Current mood: sad

As many of you know, my husband and I are undergoing infertility treatments and have been for over half a year now. A lot of times when you tell people you are dealing with infertility, they give you canned responses, not understanding that sometimes those responses are hurtful. A friend of mine who is undergoing her own battle with infertility sent me the article below. Please know that I do appreciate the love and support of our family and friends, but also please be aware that words you say for encouragement, can instead be very hurtful. I try not to be sensitive, but its hard. I thought I was a tough cookie, and would never have an issue with infertility. But after months of treatments and months of setbacks, it has become a very sore spot indeed.

Please take a minute to look at this article, and keep it in mind when talking to anyone who is having a hard time conceiving.

Being Sensitive to Couples without Children
By Ana Nelson Shaw

• Remember that the circumstances in which infertility occurs vary greatly from couple to couple. Infertility may result from a health condition on the part of either or both spouses. Sometimes couples become infertile after they already have a child or children. Some have married later or waited to try to have children, and some have not. Regardless, all deserve compassion and freedom from stereotypes.
• For some sensitive situations, such as baby showers, it might be wise to ask first whether a person wants to be invited. You don't have to handle infertile people with kid gloves; just ask how they feel and if they are up to certain events. But be sure to include them in Church and family activities.
• Try not to second-guess a couple's medical treatments or other actions. They have most likely been careful and prayerful in making difficult decisions. Trust that they have learned what is best for their family. Remember that decisions about building a family are between a husband and wife and the Lord.
• Recognize positive contributions that are not related to childbearing or rearing. Everyone needs to feel valuable, and this is sometimes hard ... when one cannot become a parent.Realize that infertile people can be sensitive to the undertones of your comments, and try to be careful about what you say. For example, saying "You'll get pregnant if you just relax" implies that you think infertility is the couple's own fault, when in reality it is usually a medical condition not caused by stress. "You'll get pregnant as soon as you adopt" implies that you see adoption as merely a path to having a biological child, when it is actually just as valid a path to parenthood as pregnancy. Even reassurances such as "It will happen in the Lord's time" can be painful for people who are preparing themselves for the possibility that they will not have biological children during this lifetime.
• Express your support and love with simple, positive, nonintrusive comments such as "I love you" or "I have been praying for you." Your genuine care and concern are needed by those experiencing the trial of infertility.

I'm Working On It

For the past week or so I have been trying to turn my blog into something that I find incredibly awesome and very useful. I started out by reading through all of my posts since it's inception back in November of 2007, which was at the tail end of our infertility treatments. Before that time, the blog had been kept on my MyS.pace page. Over the next few weeks, I plan on bringing over a post a week from that site to this one, as it also chronicled the beginnings of our infertility journey.

I digress. Reading through all of my old posts brought back so many memories and feelings, some good, some bad, some exciting, some funny.... I read a few that helped me work through issues I'm having now because I also had them then, but by the time those issues made it to the blog, I addressed how I was going to handle them, so it became an "Oh yeah!" moment. Some of my posts brought tears to my eyes, while others got my curiosity piqued and excitement levels up (will she get the job in Texas?!). It was fun to read back through all of them and see just how far I have come.

The whole reason I was reading through the old posts was to clean out entries and information I no longer wanted out there. I also changed tags on most of the posts in an attempt to pare down the number of tags I had on my blog and to better organize each post into a topic. Once I was done with most of my reading, I began working on my layout, which is still a work in progress. I put the archive feature back up and added a "tag cloud" so that struggling infertiles, as well as myself, could easily get to posts that addressed a specific topic.

I did all of this because I want this blog to be an information outlet and to provide hope not only to others who struggle, but to myself as well. I do have a beautiful baby after years of infertility, but we want another one. I don't want my daughter to be an only child if I can help it. I want her to know the joy a sibling brings. However, we have a few things working against us when it comes to #2, and in some ways, we are worse off than we were before. Our journey is far from over in my eyes. However, we might be just fine with #2 and have zero complications. But when our journey to #2 begins next year, I want to be able to easily look back at our journey to #1.

Hopefully this new blog and layout is useful. The layout is for me, and it is for all of you.

Happy Anniversary!

5 Years Ago

5 years ago today I was a happy-go-lucky, single gal who hung out with my best friend (who happened to be a guy) every single Friday night, stayed in touch via text every single day of the week, and went to church just to meet up with him and make fun of all the other people there (it was a singles church). But this Friday was different. I had no idea what I was in store for when I woke up that morning.

N and I had made plans to go visit the local radio station who hosted a "psychic" every Friday morning. We thought it would be fun to go down with my little brother and have her read our cards. I was up first. I sat down, and as she pulled out my cards she informed me that I would be heading back to school in the fall, that I wouldn't find my spouse for at least another 6 years, and that once I did, we would plant roots and never travel. Yeah, I laughed at her. I told her I was going on a blind date that night and asked if I would end up marrying the guy. She told me no. She was adamant that I would not end up marrying him.

My little brother opted to have his cards read over the air. She told him that he would meet the love of his life in the next few months, that he would be married in just over a year, and that he would travel the world with his spouse. Again, I laughed. N and I decided that because my little brother and I are so close, she got our cards mixed up. My little brother protested very loudly and angrily and told me that she had read his cards right, even though he was the one returning to school in the fall (I had already graduated and had ZERO intention of ever going back to college), and I was the one who was dating every weekend while he didn't have any prospects.

That night my little brother helped me decide what I would wear on my date. I got all dolled up and headed downtown to meet the face of the sexy voice I had been speaking to over the phone. I arrived early and sat patiently waiting in the B&N. Then I saw him walk by outside the window. My first thoughts, "Nice! I hope this one works out!" Needless to say, we hit it off instantly. He first took me to dinner, then we hit an art fair that was in town for the weekend, then we went for the biggest piece of chocolate cake I have ever eaten. We rounded out the evening by making out in the parking lot for so long the lady in the parking lot toll booth left before we did and we ended up getting to park for free.

I knew within hours of meeting him that he was something special and that I was interested in seeing him again. I secretly wondered if I had met the love of my life.


4 Years Ago

4 years ago today it was the anniversary of our first date (obviously). I told Hubs I wanted to do something really special. I had hoped we would go to the second-nicest restaurant in the area, since the last time I had eaten there was for my high school prom my sophomore year. That afternoon, Hubs came and picked me up for our date. I excitedly asked what we were going to do. He told me to dress to go hiking. Needless to say, I was kind of ticked. You don't go to the restaurant I wanted to eat at dressed in anything other than formal attire. We were going hiking instead. But before we headed out, he told me I should bring some makeup and a few things to freshen up with after our hike. I was intrigued and no longer irritated.

We drove up the canyon to our favorite trail and took a nice 2-hour hike that ended in us getting caught in a downpour and getting soaked clear through. We laughed and waited out the storm under the roof of a public loo. When the rain let up, he took me to a hotel room just outside the mouth of the canyon where he had two dresses waiting for me that he had picked out himself, along with a pair of shoes. He told me to pick a dress and get myself gussied up. I knew exactly where we were going next!

We pulled up to the restaurant I had wanted to eat at, and Hubs had the truck valeted. While we were waiting to be seated, I looked on at a wedding reception going on outside and wondered if tonight would be the night. We ate our dinner and then headed out front to take a walk around the property. Hubs took me in his arms and we kissed and hugged for a bit. Up until this point, he had never told me he loved me. Yeah, for a whole year I never once heard those words and it killed me, but he always said he wouldn't say it unless he planed on marrying me. I looked into his eyes told him I loved him. He replied, "Yeah? That's a good thing, because I love you too." I stood there, shocked. I finally heard the three words I had longed to hear for months. Then he pulled out my ring, a fantastic 1+ carat heart-shaped diamond solitaire, and asked me to marry him. It was one of the most fantastic nights of my life.

June 25 will always be a very special day for us. The anniversary of our first date and the day we got engaged.

Card Reader Lady, eat your heart out and get a new deck of cards!

Sidenote: My little brother returned to school in the fall. He has not yet met the love of his life, but he travels the world and lives up the single life. It hasn't been 6 years yet. ;)

Blessed Weekend

On Sunday morning, bright and early, Baby Bean was given a blessing at church and officially given her name in the heavens.

My parents flew in Friday afternoon, so I took Thursday and Friday off work to get the house cleaned up and ready for the celebration on Sunday and to spend the day with my folks. Shortly after they landed, I took everyone to lunch at fantastic and somewhat renowned Cajun restaurant for father's day and a belated mother's day. Afterward, my mom and I hit the fabric store to buy the necessary pieces to make a blessing dress for Baby Bean. My mom is an excellent seamstress, and after a small discussion a while back, I decided I wanted her to make the dress so that it would always be really special and could become an heirloom for Baby Bean to pass down to her children. I spared no expense for the dress and had a wonderful time picking out all of the pieces with my mom. That night she got right to work, sewing until her back hurt and it was past time for bed. She then got up early the next morning to finish the job so that I could take the rest of the day to do my part, which was hand sewing glass pearls and aus.trian crystals into the centers of the flowers. You can't really see my part very well in any of the pictures I took, or even very well at all in real life, but I know they are there and that is all that matters. After countless hours, the dress was done and ready to be worn.



Baby Bean wore the dress beautifully and was even a happy baby that morning.



After much internal debate, her daddy decided to be the one to bless her and set her apart, even though he was pretty nervous. He did a fanastic job and blessed Baby Bean with wonderful life. Both my mom and I teared up.

The rest of the weekend was spent frantically cleaning the house, painting a bathroom, paying a speeding ticket, shopping for a new dress for me, preparing meals, and hanging curtains. Every day was jam packed with these goodies as well as going out to eat at the best BBQ joint in the area as a belated b-day gift to my mom. I did manage to get in a bit of fun when I went to the store with my dad Saturday night and bought a new 120 GB Zu.ne. My dad then spend the rest of the night getting it set up for me, transferring some of his favorite music onto it, and downloading all of his pictures from his iP.od for me. Thanks daddy! I can't wait to go through the pictures and finish putting music on it.

It was wonderful having my parents here. I enjoyed every minute they were able to spend with us. I am so appreciative of them for all of the help they offered up over the weekend, and am so grateful for their patience in my times of high stress. It was a special weekend and one that will always be remembered fondly. I got some great pictures of them and Baby Bean that she will enjoy for the rest of her life.

Thank you so much for making the dress mom. It turned out so beautiful. I am really glad you made it for her because it is going to be so much more special than a store-bought dress.

I love you both very much!

Booyahs All Around

So this is going to be a quick post because it is bedtime and Hubs wouldn't allow me to take my computer up to the bedroom because he knew I would be up all night blogging if I did. His exact words were, "No! Go to bed!" He finally relented on the grounds that I sit next to him and put up a quick post so he can kick me off to bed if I stick around too long. I guess he doesn't find me pleasant when I'm too tired to function, either that or he's sick of me complaining about being tired all of the time.

Now for the exciting news. I got on the scale this past weekend and guess who dropped another 3 lbs? Booyah! I'm down almost 10 lbs already. On top of that, I realized I had lost weight when my work pants started to get baggy enough I needed a belt, and even more so when I realized I could get my blue jeans off without undoing them. Yep, I dropped a size too. SWEET! So all of my walking in the heat and humidity and through what we like to call "Mosquito Alley" in addition to my nightly ab exercises has been paying off. Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty good.

At our pediatrician visit last week, I felt like we got scolded for the fact that Baby Bean was not yet rolling over. Hubs told me that he was just saying we needed to make sure she was getting more tummy time and that he didn't feel scolded at all. I did, so when we got home I spent the rest of the day, the rest of the week, and all weekend working with Baby Bean, trying to teach her how to roll over.

This afternoon I came home for lunch, went upstairs to tell Hubs hello, and looked into Baby Bean's room to see if she was still napping. I found the little squirt on her tummy! I asked Hubs if he had put her there, his reply was, "No. Is she on her tummy?!" She got showered in praise, kisses, and loads of smiles from mom and dad, which she found to be fun and exciting. Hubs said every time he laid her on her back she kept rolling herself over a few seconds later for the rest of the day, even though she hates being on her tummy and would tell him as much every time she got herself in that position. Tonight when we got home from our walk, I actually got her rolling herself over on film . Good job little girl!

Well, my time is up. I had better get this posted and get to bed before I get scolded. 'Night!

Its Not About Me Anymore

The other day I was taking Baby Bean on a walk in her Bj.orn. We walked slowly down the walking trail by our house as I held a one-sided conversation with her. I pointed out the trees, birds, shrubs, dirt, everything that caught her eye. I then began telling her that I was so glad she was here, and that I would go through everything we went through to get her again in a heartbeat. That she was absolutely worth all of it. I wouldn't trade her for all of the diamonds, gold, or money in all the world.

I then proceeded to tell her that the only reason for my existence right now is to take care of her. To provide for her, keep her safe, teach her, and help her grow up to be a good, smart person who was a contributing member of society. It was in this moment that I voiced for the first time what has been in my head since the day she was born: life isn't about me anymore, it is all about her. The whole reason for my existence right now is to be her mom.

I had my time. My selfish time where the only thing I needed to care about was Numero Uno. Moi! I totally lived it up. I knew that my selfish time would only last a short time out of my (hopefully) long life, so I made sure I got it out of my system before even thinking about embarking on marriage and a family. My plan was to finish college unmarried, get a professional job with my degree, and splurge every penny I made on myself or making my family and friends happy. I did that. I was done with college for 4 years before I met Hubs, and in that time I did whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and I answered to no one. I traveled, I splurged, I went out every weekend. It was all about me.

Then in January of the year I turned 25 I told my dad I was ready to settle down. I just knew I would meed my husband that year. I might not get married that year, but I would meet him. Sure enough, I met Hubs in June, but this is a post that will be coming later this month. ;) For the next year and then two and a half married years while we were waiting to become parents, we lived up the childless couple life, knowing that once we had kids, everything would be devoted to our family. We traveled, we splurged, we did whatever we wanted whenever wanted and on a moment's notice.

Now that Baby Bean is here, I have very happily given up my selfish time. Right now she is the center of my world. Everything I do is for her, not me. I love it. I wouldn't trade her for all of the Me Time in the world. I had my time and my fun. Now I'm a mom and that is all I want to be. I go to work to earn money to support and care for her. I want her to grow up not wanting for anything. That doesn't mean she will be a spoiled brat and have everything her heart desires, it just means she won't miss out on anything if it is in my power to provide her with it. Like a trip to see The Mouse or a visit to Scotland. Okay the latter is a teeny, tiny bit selfish. ;p I also want to provide her with siblings so that she knows the joy of having brother(s) and sister(s). I want to fill our house with children to love and devote everything to.

I had my selfish time, now it is all about my daughter and our little family. I love it.

Weathering the Storm

Wednesday night Hubs and I packed Baby Bean in the car and headed to Blo.ckbuster to take back our mail movie and exchange it for a romantic comedy. Before leaving the house it looked like it might rain while we were out, so I asked Hubs if I should bring in the dogs. We decided they would be fine and went on our merry way. After we made the exchange, we were trying to decide where to go to dinner. We decided on a sit-down restaurant just up the street, but as we were waiting for the light to change, I started to feel really icky and decided I didn't want a big meal at the last minute. After a quick conversation before the turn-in we decided to go hit the Ar.bys by our house and take it home to watch our flick.

A block from our house I started to hear a noise outside the car. "It can't be. Is it?" I thought to myself, and then rolled down the window. Yep. Tornado sirens.

Okay, I'm not from Texas. I'm from up north where I lived the entire first 29 years of my life safely nestled in the Rocky Mountains. We didn't have tornadoes. We had snow storms. I can handle snow storms because I grew up in them. Tornadoes scare the sh** out of me. Snow storms can't level an entire city in a few second's time.

"Aren't tornadoes usually preceded by high winds?" I innocently asked Hubs, as my heart did a little skip. He informed me the winds could be a few miles out yet, but that they were probably on their way. He didn't seem panicked or scared at all, so I relaxed a bit, thinking the sirens were more of a suggestion. Idiot! Ever heard of the calm before the storm?

We pulled into the drive up at Ar.bys and before it was our turn at the box, their power went out. The winds still had not arrived, but I was starting to get the feeling we needed to get home, and fast. I told Hubs I just wanted to go home. "Are you sure? Cause we can wait, or we can go across the street and get something else. They all have power." Nope. I wanted to go home. My instincts were kicking in and I wanted to get my baby the hell out of that car.

As we were leaving the parking lot the winds hit, followed a few seconds later by the signature tornado rain. Trees were swinging heavily, traffic signs were turning ominous. A few seconds later, I was in a full on panic attack. I couldn't breathe. I was trying so hard not to cry because I knew if I started, it would be the kind of panicked crying where you can't breathe at all. We raced home, dodging bits of trees that had already broken loose and traffic signs that had fallen over.

Once home, we raced inside where our power had already been knocked out. I ran to the back door and called my dogs. Nothing. I called again. No sign of them. My panic increased exponentially. I called again, and my voice cracked with fear and emotion. Finally Sades heard me and came running, with Mags fast on her tail. My shouting woke Baby Bean, so I ran to her, got her out of her car seat, and held her tight. For the next hour the storm continued. Battering, wailing, and beating outside our house. It felt like it would never stop. All I could think was did I have the ability to make a big enough ball around Baby Bean to keep her safe if our house blew away.

Finally the storm let up, and the sun peaked through just in time for the sunset. Relieved, I thought we had made it and that it was all over. Wrong! Around 5:00 a.m. the storms started up again. Mags and I huddled together on the bed while it sounded like the house would be ripped from its foundations. I waited, listening to see if it would wake Baby Bean, but it didn't. Then the storm let up. I told Mags it was over and we could go back to sleep. Wrong! This happened three times before the morning. I barely slept. The storms continued on through the early afternoon.

My commute into work was long, as the road I usually take in was closed due to tree and power line damage. When I got to work, I found that a tornado had actually touched down in my city and only a few miles from my house.

Luckily we made it through the storm unscathed. Our house and trees are all fine. I love it here, but I do not love the storms!

Whose Baby Is This?!

Baby Bean had her 4-moth well checkup today and her third round of vaccinations. Hubs and I left the appointment thinking, "Whose baby is this?" for about the hundredth time since she was born.

You see, hubs and I are both blondies with blue eyes. We're both short. I am pasty white, and Hubs is only a couple shades darker tan than me. When baby Bean was born she came out with dark brown hair, sporting a little baby tan.

Don't even go there! I am not a promiscuous woman! lol



At her 2-moth well-child visit, she was measuring in the 75th percentile for height (meaning out of all babies her age, she was taller than half of them [50th percentile]). However, she was in the 50th percentile for weight. We both laughed at the fact that she was measuring tall because neither of us is tall by any stretch of the imagination. We figured she must have just hit a growth spurt right before her exam and would probably be in the 50th percentile or lower at her next visit. Guess again.

At her exam today, Baby Bean measured in the 95th percentile for height. NINETY-FIFTH!!! She measured in at exactly 26". It makes me laugh because I was frustrated last week that I had just bought her six new pair of pjs and she outgrew them all by the end of the week. I figured it was the brand and that it just ran small, either that or they all shrank in the wash the first time I washed them. I guess not! This means Baby Bean needs 6-9 month pjs! The funny thing is it is all in her legs, because she still fits in 3-6 month onesies and anything that doesn't go from waist to feet.

Her weight? She measured in at 15.75 oz, which put her in the 80th percentile for weight. My baby is tall and skinny. I would be more surprised at her height if my dad and Hubs' grandpa weren't tall (over 6'). We wondered before we had kids if they would inherit those genes and end up being taller than us. If Baby Bean keeps up this way, she certainly will be. :) We're okay with that.

Her pediatrician also told us to start her on solids, introducing it at two meals a day. I have such mixed emotions about it. I am excited she is growing up and that she is so obviously thriving, but I am sad because it means my little girl is growing up and she will be big before I know it. It feels like this is the first step out of babyhood.

Amazingly, I am okay with her getting bigger most days. It is usually because she learns how to do something new every day, and I love watching her grow and learn. I also look forward to all of the things we can do once she is bigger, like go to the zoo, aquarium, and Dis.ney La.nd/World or any other theme park.

She is such an amazing little girl, and she continues to surprise, amaze, and make her parents happy and fulfilled every day since we knew she was on her way.

What It'll Cost You

Straight from the pamphlet that accompanied my traffic ticket:

• Leaving dog feces - $500 (Does it count of your pooch has the runs?)
• Running a red light/stop sign - $204 (I knew I shouldn't play with the traffic signal wires [ignore the man behind the curtain!])
• Improper turn/not signaling - $204 (I can hang a "Louie" but those righties always get me)
• Inadequate bed - $264 (I hope my bed is adequate! Who decides this? Does the fact that I just had a baby mean it's adequate? LOL!)
• Load on non-load surface - $264 (Explain.)
• No safety chains - $154 (I better get some chains!)
• Open container in vehicle - $364 (Quick! Hide the container from your lunch salad!)
• Unnecessary use of horn - $154 (Is this like the unnecessary use of pain meds?)
• Barking dog - $150 (Shut it Mags! Each bark'll cost ya!)
• Animal at large - $149 (What gorilla?)
• Soliciting after hours - $169 (I'll let you make fun of that one on your own)
• Littering - $264 (It would cost me more to liter than to speed)
• Glass container in park - $280 (Oookayyyy. I get it. But really?)

Interesting....

Deucedly Mad

This past Friday was the last day of school in our area. On my way to work, I drive through 5-6 school zones. Depending on whether or not I am late to work, I hit six. Friday morning, I was running late. My hair wasn't cooperating. My car was completely out of gas and had to be filled up before I could go to work. I had promised my coworkers the day before that I would bring donuts Friday morning. I dashed out the door and sped down the street, slowing down appropriately for each school zone and thinking I was so glad school would be out Monday, cutting a few minutes off my drive to work. As I reached the third school zone, the lights weren't flashing. I figured they were off because it was a high school school zone and maybe they didn't activate it that day because they figured the kids wouldn't be going to school on the last day. I reached the intersection, turned on my left signal, and pulled into the left-hand turn lane. The light changed, and I went through the light, accelerating at my normal speed. Off to the right I noticed a cop car, so I checked my speed. 30. I was fine. It wasn't a school zone, and the speed limit is 40. A few seconds later, I saw flashing lights in my rear view mirror as the cop pulled in behind me. I looked down at my speed. 46 in a 40. Okay, he's got me. I was speeding.

I pulled off the street onto a side road while I sent my husband a text, "Guess who just got pulled over? lol" The cop came up to my window and asked if I knew why I was being pulled over. I politely admitted I had been speeding, hoping that he might take my politeness and either let me off or at least knock down the number he supposedly clocked me at. He informed me he clocked me going 31 in a school zone. EXCUSE ME?!?!?! I was completely shocked. Floored. Pissed off. I told him the lights were NOT flashing, and therefore the school zone was not in effect. I NEVER speed in school zones because the tickets for doing so are massive (at least they were in the state I just moved from). He returned to his car and a few minutes later came back and told me he was issuing me a citation for speeding in a school zone. I was pissed beyond pissed as I fought back my angry tears. On top of which, I might as well have not been polite, as the cop issued me a ticket for the full 31. I wished as I pulled away that I had been down right snotty, belligerent, as my politeness had gotten me no where, unlike the last time I got pulled over for doing 11 over and had the ticket knocked down to 5 over.

Here's my thing: if I had been speeding, absolutely give me a ticket. I earned it. I deserve it. I broke the law. But this time, I was NOT speeding. The school zone was NOT in effect. The lights were NOT flashing. The price of my supposed speeding: $200. Sorry Baby Bean, you getting to be the first baby potty trained at the tender age of 4 months, mommy can't afford your diapers this month. The new shoes I've been needing because my feet have been killing me lately? Not going to happen this month.

Fight the ticket you say? I would, but how the hell do I prove the lights weren't flashing when they otherwise would have been? I can't. Hubs told me to only take it to court if I'm willing to get a lawyer, and then if I lose, I get to pay the court costs, the lawyer fee, the ticket, and I get the hit to my driving record. So what do I get to do? Bend it over and take it up the a** like a big girl. Yeah, two days later and I'm still pissed. I will be for a very long time.

Did I mention my car registration is due along with my inspections? Freaking Texas.

Let us not forget that since moving closer to the equator, the sun has dissolved the clear coat on my car, making it look like it has some serious eczema that not even a powerful prescription could cure. I want to get a new car, but with the oil companies being such greedy b*****s (pick your word choice there), I REFUSE to buy another gas-dependant car. I was thinking about it for a while, like getting a cross over with more space or a bigger car, but then I read a few articles about how gas prices are going to go up, and I decided the gas companies can stick their oil where the sun don't shine. That's it you morons, raise the gas prices in a seriously deflated, depressed economy. THAT will get people to drive more. Especially when it comes down to buying gas for your car or buying food to eat. It won't make people like me hold off their next car purchase until cars that don't rely so heavily on gas come out next year. Me thinks someone has lost their ability to think clearly due to excessive amounts of carbon monoxide in the atmosphere.

There's nothing like a little shake down to ruin your sunny day.

The weekend was not lost, however. Hubs and I tackled a couple small home improvement projects together that will make a nice difference to our house, and I lost another 2 lbs. The latter is very exciting. I can totally see the weight coming off, which makes me very happy. I have plenty of resolution to keep going still too, especially now that I am seeing results.

Well, that's it for me. I'm off to find something tasty to eat.

Hot Stuff

Today at work I had yet another glowing monthly review where I was told yet again that my company doesn't hire stupid people and that my shine is really starting to come out. My PM told me that he has seen in the past two weeks what he expected to see when he hired me last year. I laughed and told him I had just been telling Hubs the same thing on one of our walks last week. My PM said he is really proud of me and he is excited to watch my stardom rise throughout the company over the coming years as everyone realizes how integral my role within the company really is. I am a very important part of our company being FDA compliant! It makes me feel so official and special. I need a gold badge or something. I totally rock!

After I got back to my desk, just beaming and feeling really great on the inside, Hubs sends me an IM:

Hubs: Want to see a really hot chick?
Me: Sure, but I can't view porn at work.

Then the following picture came through:


This was me on our honeymoon to Aruba 3.5 years ago. My heart just swelled and I felt like the hottest chick on the face of the planet for the first time in a long time. It made me feel so good. It made me feel better than good. I just wanted to go home and smother him in kisses. I told my coworkers about the conversation and then showed them the picture and they all said, "Awwww! That is so sweet!" I know. I am married to the most fabulous man ever. Okay, I don't want to get in a fight with all of you girls, so I'll reword that to say the most fabulous man for me. ;)

That picture was then followed by a couple more of me, and then a couple of him where he stated he really didn't look that much different.


Would you look at that bronze goddess?! I know I'll never be that again, but I am going to try dang hard to get as close to it as I possibly can. That is back when I was a size 0. Yes, ZERO. I had little boobs to go with it, but hey, everything else looked spectacular.


Oh for pete's sake, I looked really dang hot! And Hubs doesn't look so bad himself. We make such a handsome pair. And we make really great looking babies too!

When he sent me those pictures, it renewed and strengthened my desire to drop my pregnancy and infertile weight. I've been doing pretty awesome. I started walking 5-6 times a week about 7 weeks ago and doing 6 ab exercises every night before bed. There have been a few days here and there where I didn't get one or the other in, but I have been doing great about busting my butt, even when I don't want to. I have braved heat, humidity, and mosquito's while pushing a sometimes fussy baby in a stroller and walking two 45+ lb border collies just to make sure we all get to get out and have a bit of fresh air and exercise. The result? I have lost 7 lbs since I started. :D As my friend S says, Booyah! I only want to lose 18 more before I can really be okay with my body image. The last pregnancy 7 and then the infertile 11.

I mean, I am by no means a fatty, I'm just not where I want to be. I also realize I will never be that skinny b**** size 0 again because things have shifted due to my pregnancy, but I will take as close to it as I can. I have began to notice the fat coming out of my face, but especially my arms and legs. At lunch last week a couple of my coworkers told me they had begun to notice a difference, saying that my face looked thinner and they had noticed it a couple of weeks before. It made me feel soooo good to hear that. I've been working so hard.

All things considered, I don't think I'm looking too bad right now. Yes I still have a gut that makes me look 4 mos pg and am still sporting some thunder thighs, but my fat pants are starting to get loose. I think I'm doing a great job, and I am so completely determined to get this weight off I haven't lost any steam. I just need to keep at it, and I will.


I took this picture a couple days after my haircut to show that it really did look better when I styled it on my own. I wasn't sure if I liked it at first, but I have come to love it. That and Hubs told me one day last week that I looked hot and that he really liked my hair. It has been a long time since he has told me my hair made me look hot. I can never seem to get the haircuts I want.

Well, my sleeping pill just kicked in and I am afraid all coherence will go out the window with the sheep, so I had better blog off. Night!

P.S. Trying to walk around the house while heavily under the influence of sleeping drugs is really interesting and commical.

P.P.S 3 Musk.ateers and I broke up last night. Luckily a coworker offered to take my sloppy seconds and they have happily started a loving relationship together.

Baby Bean

As a new mother, I sometimes practice my right to freak out over my baby's development and wonder if she is on track. With the help of my wonderful husband, I have found that I have no need to freak out. Baby Bean is right on track and sometimes downright ahead of the curve. She doesn't always do things by the book. Nope, she is her own person and does things her own way, on her own terms, and in her own time.

This amazing little girl was sleeping through the night by the time she was 6 weeks old. We had our first real smiles by around 5 weeks of age. I got my first giggles a few days before mother's day at around 3.5 months old. She's been playing with her hands since she was about 8 weeks old. The past couple weeks she has started to bring things to her mouth to explore them. And my new favorite was on Saturday when she first started to explore the toys on her bounceroo with her fingers and began to realize the concept of action causing a reaction. The best part was that I had the camera sitting right close by and I caught these precious moments on video. I can't even begin to tell you how awesome it was to watch her explore the fact that her hands could do more than pacify her by sucking on them. Her big blue eyes totally focused on the toy as she gingerly reached out with one finger to spin the orange and yellow ball. Today she spun the bear and penguin around in their ball as she watched them tip forward when she rolled their bubble toward her, and then tip back as gravity pulled them down.

I went to BRU the weekend before last to take back a bottle warmer (one of the biggest baby scams out there, btw) and ended up buying a bounceroo that I had no intention of buying when I left the house. It has been an awesome purchase. Baby Bean loves to be completely upright lately, so this was the toy for her.

Breaking in the bounceroo

Look at that smile! It was worth the fact that I spent our date night money on that instead of us going out to dinner. Her dad thought so too. We both enjoy sitting in front of her while she is in there and watching her explore the toys.

Thanks for the great toy mom! I love you!

I've tried reading to Baby Bean since she was born, but she just doesn't care for it. She tolerates it for a few minutes and then she gets bored and fussy. So what does she like instead? To be sung to. This past weekend I was singing to her and she giggled the loudest, longest giggle of her life. Whenever I sing to her, she goes nuts with the smiles and the wiggles. I am perfectly okay with having a musical child, since I played trumpet for 10 years myself. Not to mention her grandpa played for 7, and her great grandpa played for 40. Will she be the child who ends up with her great grandpa's antique trumpet that blared jazz tunes at many a dance during the big band era?

As for tummy time, guess who finally decided it was okay? Yay! I have been helping her roll over from her back to her tummy to help her get used to the concept. The other day she decided being on her tummy wasn't such a bad thing and started contentedly "swimming." Her daddy really liked this, as he was a competitive swimmer for many years of his own youth.

I absolutely love being a mom. Every day that I'm at work I can't wait to get home to my little butter bean. I just want to hold her forever. All day long I look forward to going home to feed her, cuddle her, play with her, and take her on walks. I don't remember the last time I was irritated with her for being fussy because I think it is downright adorable anymore. I'm sure it annoys her even more when she is fussy that I laugh because it is so dang cute when she cries. And I do just about anything for those smiles, laughs, and giggles. I just can't get enough of them. I was born to be a mom. My whole reason for existing was to bring her and her future siblings into the world. I just hope that one day soon we can work things out to where I can cut back to working part time so I can be home with my little girl. I knew I would love being a mom, but I had no idea I could love like this. I love watching her grow and learn every day. I can't wait to have more children. What an absolute joy and blessing.