Back In the Saddle

I cannot believe it has already been a year since the birth of Baby Bean, and 6 months since the insertion of my IUD. Where did the time go?! Seriously, how did I get here so fast?

I woke up this morning, thinking I had to drag my butt out of bed for another day of drudgery when I remembered what day it was. I must have been more excited than I thought because I was out of the house 15 minutes early. I was so early, I ended up having a half hour before my appointment, rather than the 15 minutes I normally would have had. So I went and got me some donuts before heading to the doctor.

I can't even describe the feelings that came over me when I walked through the door to the doctor's office. It was so strange. Part of me was excited to be there, and part of me wasn't. All of my memories from sitting in that waiting room as a pregnant woman came flooding back like a tidal wave.

I sat down and waited to be called back. When I finally was, I was told that the sonographer had called in sick that morning, and so I wouldn't be having my sono. Imagine how much my heart sank when I had been waiting a full year for that scan! The nurse told me they were still going to take out my IUD, but that I would have to reschedule my sonogram. My emotions were all over the place. I had been looking forward to busting through the finish line and skipping out of that office with a huge green light over my head. Instead, I would have a yellow light, and the real finish line had been moved back the day of the race.

I sat in the exam room and waited for my doctor, wanting to ask questions I knew she would have no answers for until we did the scan. She came in, beaming and cheerful as always. I was so happy to see her. She was as excited for me to get my IUD out as I was. She wasted no time getting down to business and removing my short-time companion.

We then talked about what was ahead. This woman can make the end of the world seem like it is the best thing since sliced bread. I love her! She told me she was confident I was able to try for pregnancy again, but that I should give my body at least 2 months to re-regulate from the IUD. No prob, that was my plan anyway. She warned me of the risks again, told me my pregnancy would be extremely high risk and I would be watched like a hawk, but said that if this was something I really wanted to do, she would be here with me through all of it. I LOVE HER! I can't tell you how awesome it feels to have her by my side ready to go to battle with me so that I can try to bring a sibling into this world for my daughter. I am in such good hands.

So, the IUD is gone, and I am back in the TTC saddle. I am so excited. I'm not nervous or scared. I feel good about things, and that is the feeling I'm going with.

Here we go friends! Once AF rears next week, I'll be starting to chart and use OPKs to figure out if I still ovulate when I used to.

On a side note, Baby Bean's surgery went awesomely yesterday. It was a breeze. She was in and out with zero complication. She is doing awesome today, and you would never know she had surgery yesterday. That's my gal!

"Well, Here Ya Are...."

It is almost midnight right now, and I have been so busy trying to catch up on ICLW blogs between this blog and my other one. Can I just say I am exhausted? At the same time I want to say, I LOVE ICLW. I love reading about everyone's different, yet similar stories. We're all here for the same reason, and I love that we are here for each other during such difficult circumstances.

Anyhow, I'm going to try to stay awake long enough to write this post now!

So the results on Baby Bean's ear infections are in. She is getting tubes. Poor bub. I dreaded her pediatrician recommending them until he told me that her ear infections could cause some hearing loss, which could delay speech. As she is heading into the primary speech development phase, he recommended I take her to a specialist. When he said that, I instantly changed my mind and wanted to demand tubes. He referred me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor and told me not to waste any time getting her in. I booked her an appointment for Thursday afternoon, and it honestly felt like the day couldn't get here quick enough. All week long I've watched my daughter dig at her ears, and it kills me because I know she is in pain and there isn't much I can do aside from ty.lenol and mo.trin.

The ENT staff started her out with a hearing test, and it showed she does have a slight hearing loss. When the doctor checked her out, he said she still has a lot of fluid behind her ear drums. Because she is in daycare, she is more likely to get ear infections, and now that she has had RSV, she is even more prone to them. It is because of the RSV that the doctor recommended tubes. I breathed a huge sigh of relief and told him that was what I wanted to do. He wouldn't schedule the surgery for another couple of weeks because Baby Bean is still battling RSV, but we got her in as soon as we could. It still feels like it isn't soon enough, especially after she dug in her ear so badly last night she drew blood. I feel so bad for her.

On a more exciting note, my PM at work today gave me some great news. Every year we have to do our annual write-up basically reviewing how we felt we did the past year. I was very disappointed in mine this year and let my PM know as much. When he asked why, I told him it was because we didn't release any products, so I didn't get to do any major updates or releases.

Today he came over to my desk with a huge grin on his face and told me my huge carrot was on its way. I asked him if it meant I would get to go on-site to some of our projects, and he said yes. I asked if it meant I would get to go on installations, and he said yes. (I have been asking to do this since I started working there.) Then he said it would also involve long travel. I asked if he meant long travel by car or plane, he said plane. Business trips are in my near future. I realize now that long travel means lots of time away from home.

At first I was really excited, but just as quickly as it came, it faded because I realized instantly my baby wouldn't be going with me. I haven't been away from her since her conception! I liked the idea of travel until I remembered I am a mom now.

I still welcome the opportunity because I know it will open some doors for me, but more importantly, it will help me finally fill my potential at the company. I just wish it didn't mean I would have to spend time away from my baby girl. I guess I will just do what I always do, and that is take each day as it comes and be grateful for everything that I have in my life. :)

I apologize right now if this post was all over the place, as I'm sure it is. But as I stated at the beginning of this blog post, its late and I am beyond exhausted. Sorry to write such a fragmented post for ICLW. I'll try to write a better one tomorrow. For now, I'm going to bed!

Still Trying to Catch My Breath

Almost exactly one month ago, I wrote this blog post in which I told all of my blog readers that my husband and I were going through a difficult phase, and to please say a little prayer for us. The difficulty was not with our marriage. Rest assured, that is as strong as ever, if not more so. But I asked for the prayers in helping my sweetie find a job. I didn't want to come right out on the blog and say that, and I won't get into why other than to say it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

Hubs has been working and running his own business from home since 6 months into our relationship. Unfortunately, with the economy being the way it was, things slowed down considerably the last year. Needless to say, the need for full time employment became imminent.

Tuesday afternoon, Hubs dropped Baby Bean off at the office with me on his way to the fourth round of interviews with a company. Like any good infertile wouldn't, I didn't get my hopes up. I just didn't have feelings either way. I was tired of getting my hopes up that this interview would be the one only to find out later it wasn't. So I left work early, took Baby Bean home, laid her down for a nap, and took one myself.

Yesterday at around 4:00 in the afternoon, Hubs IMed me and asked if our neighbor might still be up for watching our daughter. I asked why. His reply was, "Duh." Okay, so either he is going on another interview somewhere, as had been commonplace of late, or he got the job. My next question was what day and time. Again, "Duh." I then asked if he got the job. "That would be the duh part."

I was elated! Finally! I knew God wouldn't let us down. I just didn't know when things would turn out. I turned around and told my teammates right away, and they were all very excited with me. I started to get lightheaded because it was such a relief. A huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I then found out he starts work on Monday, which inevitably sent me into a tailspin. We have two days to figure out childcare. I have two days to get everything together for Baby Bean to even go to childcare. Let us not forget the massive upset to everyone's schedules. As fast as the excitement had come on, panic took over in its place. So many things to address!

We are all very excited. This is a fantastic opportunity for Hubs, and it is a good thing for all of us all around, except for maybe the dogs who have never been home all alone during the day since we got either of them. We are going to check out daycare facilities tomorrow, and I will spend the rest of my weekend getting everything together for Monday. Oh yeah, and we'll be attempting round 2 of the 9-month photo shoot. Please let the weather and the baby cooperate!!!

Texas Flora and Fauna

After a very long and busy weekend working on household projects such as hanging pictures, painting bathrooms, multiple trips to Lowes, and performing painful yard work, I treated my achy feet and sweet pooch to a nice, long walk. Last week I discovered the most wonderful little path that begins next to my house and goes all the way to the town square maybe 2 or so miles from my house.

You would think that a walk after two full days of strenuous work would be the last thing I wanted to do, but I took a few pictures of tonight's walk to show you all why such an idea is so appealing. The first picture is the view you get as you first embark on the most amazing journey. You walk right out of town into the "woods." You are instantly cut off from all sounds of traffic, and instead you hear little lizards and bunnies skittering around in the bushes.

The first wildlife we spotted on our walk was a bright red cardinal. I took a picture of him, but it didn't turn out well at all, and he flew off after his first Kodak moment.

I couldn't help but stop and take a sweet little picture of Mags as she tries to figure out what is rustling in the bushes nearby.

We continued our walk down the path lit by the sun as it was quickly setting beyond the horizon. We were encased by the twitterings and chirps of birds.

The next wildlife we came upon was a small herd of geese. These birds are apparently not afraid of humans at all because they paused and checked us out as we took their picture. Maggie sat quietly by my side.

Next up on our nature walk was a mom Mallard duck and her three little chicks. You'll have to excuse the fuzziness of the picture. All of these were taken with my phone camera and its limited capabilities.

This little shot is one of my most favorite parts of the walk. For some reason it makes me think of the movie "Wizard of OZ."

As we exited the "OZ" field, we came across two little bunnies. One of them was kind enough to hold the classic "chocolate bunny" pose before he bounded off on his merry way.

We weren't fortunate enough to get any pictures of the other wildlife we passed because the family of turtles we found blended too well into the water for my phone camera, and then there was a herein, but he was flying high overhead when we saw him.

We do get nightly and daily visits from lizards at our house though. One of my favorites is this little guy.

He suns on our window ledge almost daily and loves to pose for the camera. He and I will sit for minutes on end taking each other in every time I spot him on his ledge. He never runs away when he sees me, but turns his head and looks right at me. We also see the occasional gecko crawling around eating flys on our screens at night.

I will never get tired of the wildlife that is so abundant and so close to my new home. It makes me want to go out and walk every day just to see what new animal I will discover.

Two Weeks in and Couting

The first two weeks in the new house are behind us, and I have to say I am so glad. I'm glad because the only boxes left to unpack are garage goods and pictures. I'm glad because most of the projects we could afford for the house are almost complete. But I am mostly glad because I realized this week that I really do love this house, despite its very strange quarks. The best news of all is that only a couple of things have come up missing, and its not the mover's fault. I also have not yet found anything else that was broken or damaged and can now finally submit my claim to get my antiques repaired.

It is so refreshing to have finally found a place for everything and to finally see that this house is ours. It has been fun to see all of our projects transform our house into something outstanding. We're still a long way away from being done, but the little things we have done so far have just made it a wonderful experience for me. I found that even the smallest things, such as changing a door knob, just made me giddy with excitement and happiness. The only down side is that the money has temporarily run out. The upside to that is that even though I can't afford to do 100% of everything I want to do, I was able to get in the things that were most important to me. My last big expense for the next few months will be to buy new blinds.

This next week will be full of hanging pictures, finishing the floors, cleaning up, finding homes for the remaining items, and replacing the last of the electrical outlets. I just can't wait to have everything all done so that we can sit back, relax, and enjoy the fruits of our labors, or spend our free time taking Mags for walkies.

Work has been going really well too. I gained another new friend when my newest coworker started two weeks ago. Together we learned the ropes of the company, met all of the important people, and went through training. The addition of this new friend also helped me feel like I fit in. I no longer felt like I was the new person on my team who was on the outside of their friendship looking in. We share many things in common, such as the fact that we were both relocated and are trying hard to sell our old houses in a less than stellar market.

The stress from the move is finally starting to ebb, and I am really starting to feel like this place is home. I just love it here. The humidity even makes my hair curl, which is awesome because it cuts way back on my styling time in the morning. :D I also just can't get enough of the awesome food around us. We actually just went to the grocery store for the first time today. That's right, I have not cooked one thing in my new kitchen yet. We have eaten out for every meal for the last six weeks! I'll give the home cooking a try for a bit, and if it doesn't take, we'll go back to eating out for every meal.

Mags is also starting to get her feet under her. She still stresses a little bit and has taken to hiding under beds a lot, but she is also starting to realize our gigantic back yard is her personal play ground and grazing ground (yep, she grazes just like a cow). Every time we move past the front door at all, she gets all excited because she thinks we are going to take her outside to play ball in the massive green field next to our house. We take her with us in the car whenever we can, and sometimes take her places we probably shouldn't, like the home improvement store.

Our lives are finally starting to settle down, and our house is finally starting to feel like a home. We are certainly in the home stretch, and then I will put together my little slide show of the before and after photos. But now its time for a little Me Time. I think tonight I will read some blogs and then I am going to play the Sims until bed time!

Moving In!

As some of you may have noticed, I have been a bit absent this past week. My lack of presence is due to the fact that we have moved into our new house. And so begins the long update.

Last Saturday and Sunday we had a painting crew here painting over all of the old ugly yellow colors on the walls and turning the entire house into a monochromatic "Classic Taupe." Yes, we opted for one color throughout, except for in the master bedroom and bathrooms. I will eventually paint the guest room a different color, but that is a project for another day. While the painters were painting the upstairs, Hubs got busy putting down laminate flooring that looks spectacular. With him busy putting down flooring, I went to work replacing door knobs and electrical outlets. We left to head back to the apartment around 11:30 that night only to return bright and early the next morning to let the movers in; however, I had changed all of the locks the night before and had an extra key made up that worked after it was made, but did not work in the lock the morning we were supposed to move in. Yes, we were locked out of our new house. Luckily a window had been left unlocked, and we were able to break in.

As the first of three trucks was being unloaded, I met with my first blow. I had four pieces of furniture that I absolutely cared about them getting here undamaged because they were either antiques or heirlooms from my grandma or both. The first was my grandmother's writing desk from the 1940s; the second was a little coffee table that my grandparent's bought when they first got married in the 1930s; the third and fourth were coffee tables that my grandma passed onto me before she died. The first piece of the four off the truck was the coffee table my grandparent's bought when they got married, and it was carried off the truck with only three legs. I couldn't believe that it showed up broken after the guy who loaded it onto the truck promised me he would take extra good care of it as it was an antique. You can imagine how my heart sank when I saw it arrive broken. The next piece off the truck was one of the side tables my grandma left me. The movers had removed the legs before loading it onto the truck, and somehow one of the legs showed up broken. I couldn't believe that two pieces showed up broken! The third table showed up missing all of its hardware, making it unusable in that we could not put it together. THANKFULLY the writing desk showed up unharmed.

After seeing my most precious and valuable belongings carried off the truck in pieces, I decided to go to work as a reprieve from seeing my things damaged. That night I got home, and the very first box I opened contained my grandpa's gig bag from the 1940s. For those of you who don't know what that is, my grandpa used to play trumpet during the Big Band Era, and he used this leather satchel to store his mutes and music in. The mover who packed the bag into the box put it in the bottom and then smashed it down to fit more goods into the box. This pressure ripped out the side seams of the precious, antique bag. As you can imagine, my depression started to head into a tailspin.

Tuesday evening I focused my efforts on unpacking the master bedroom and bathroom. Wednesday Hubs flew back to our old house to get it fixed up in an effort to help it sell faster, leaving me here in a new house all by myself to unpack all on my own. I had decided to start my unpacking efforts in the kitchen that night. I'm not sure if my unhappiness in the house was a result of the fact that I was traumatized by the move, the fact that the house is a tad beat down and needs some work (which we are doing), or that I had been left all alone. It was probably all of the above. But as I unpacked the kitchen I began to think that this house is the biggest POS (piece of sh*t), and that the previous home owners laughed after they sold us the place. The kitchen felt so inadequate, disgusting, and dark, and all I wanted to do was sit down and cry. The whole time I was unloading boxes, I thought about my sister who had been in a similar situation a few years ago, and how she had done exactly what I was doing, making the best of it and making it better. I thought of her for about an hour, trying to draw from her strength, when all of a sudden, she called. I finally allowed myself to break down and cry while I was talking to her and told her how I felt. She reminded me about the time she went through a similar situation, and I told her I had been thinking about her and how she handled it when it was her. After talking to her, I felt so much better about things.

Now a few days have passed, and with every day that goes by, I start to appreciate my house more and remember the vision I have in my head of how it will look and feel when we're done, which is going to be seriously awesome. With each passing day, I feel myself bouncing back from being depressed to being excited to see the changes in the house as we unpack, update, and make it ours. Tonight has been the best night so far in that I have been ecstatic with the unpacking progress I've made. I am excited to see how much I will accomplish this weekend, and am really enjoying turning this house into our home. I have been taking a few before and after pictures to show all of you once we're done. I keep telling myself that if the old home owners came back after we're done that they would want the house back, and I really believe that. I think they would wonder why they didn't do it when they lived here. Its all so simple, and it will make the biggest difference.

If I don't post a blog again for a while, its because I am crazy busy unpacking and turning this house into something awesome. For now, its time for my poor, exhausted body to head off to a warm shower and then a soft, comfy bed. Ta ta for now.

I'm Interviewing in Texas!!!

I got the official call this morning, I did EXCELLENT in my Gallup interview yesterday, and my propsective employer is flying me out to Texas for an interview in a week!!!! Needless to say, I am completely beside myself with excitement and have had butterflys all morning. Now all I need to do is put together a portfolio of my work in the next week just in case they want samples of my work. I'm not sure if the guy could tell, but I was dancing around this morning when he told me they wanted to fly me out for an interview. Even Maggie was dancing!

Even better news is that I ovulated on my own yesterday! I couldn't believe it happened so early in my cycle, on my exact Day 14. For once I'm in the good statistic where I ovulated "on time" and not late. I'm just really glad it happened before all of the excitement/stress of this interview set in.

Yes, I am seriously stoked, but the rational side of me in the far reaches of the back of my head says, "You could be out of here in a month or less! That means you will have to pack up your ENTIRE house, find a place to live, travel back and forth between states for who knows how long, leave everything you have ever known behind, including family and friends, etc." Luckily my excitement pushes those thoughts back to the far reaches. I'm just too happy to worry about that stuff right now. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

To top off all of the excitement, the sun is out in all its glory today! We just had two days of snow and cloud cover, and I have to say I will not be one bit sad to leave behind the snowy, overcast, icy, and freezing days.

I am so excited!!!!!!

Bitting the Bullet

I have been promising my husband for the last two years that we would move to Texas one day, and a day sooner than later. When we first got married, I told him that I needed to stay here for at least a year so I could adjust to being married before being taken away from my family, my friends, and my job, just generally everything I knew. I promised him that if we stayed at least a year, we could move back to his home state any time after that. However, we had been married for less than a year when I changed jobs and we had to move to a different city anyway. I then promised him that if he let me stay in my new job and gain the necessary experience, we could move to Texas any time after that. The new job was a career move for me in the right direction, and I needed as much experience under my belt as I could get.

Well, that year has come and gone.... about 8 months ago, and we're still here. However, issues with my current job have recently come to light. The past few months I have been debating (9 months, to be exact) over where to post my resume to get out of my current situation. I didn't feel ready to pack up and leave everything I know behind yet, but I didn't want to get a new job here. That, coupled with my promise finally led me to bite the bullet. I posted my resume in the great state of Texas last night.

The whole time I was updating my resume, my blood was rushing through my veins. I do want to go, and sometimes I am ready to go, but I'm not 100% ready. I don't think I will ever be 100% ready. Leaving my family behind is the biggest reason, especially my ailing dad. Add those feelings to the Great Unkowns, such as: Where will we end up? How much time will we have to move if I do get a job? Will I like it there as much as I hope I will? What if I get pregnant before we go?

I always knew I didn't want to stay here, even when I was a kid. I always felt like I was supposed to be somewhere bigger and better. I always knew this day would come and I've always welcomed it, but that does not keep me from being a little afraid of the unknown. I know that everything will work out the way it should, and that I will be happy with my decisions because I never make decisions thinking I could regret them. I have never been inclined to live a life of regret. So last night, hands trembling, I posted my resume, and then cried. lol

Sometimes we reach those points in our lives where we know its time to move on. I have finally reached one of mine. For the past two years I've felt like our lives were on hold. Like we've been in a temporary storage facility. Home is not really home, its just a waiting place. Boxes have been left unpacked from the last move because I knew they were not in their final location yet. And what's the point in unpacking when you aren't staying? Emptied boxes were put into storage and saved in anticipation of being used at least one more time. I guess its time to retrieve them and put them to use.

Trembling, scared, and excited, I look forward to life's next great adventure....