Bitting the Bullet

I have been promising my husband for the last two years that we would move to Texas one day, and a day sooner than later. When we first got married, I told him that I needed to stay here for at least a year so I could adjust to being married before being taken away from my family, my friends, and my job, just generally everything I knew. I promised him that if we stayed at least a year, we could move back to his home state any time after that. However, we had been married for less than a year when I changed jobs and we had to move to a different city anyway. I then promised him that if he let me stay in my new job and gain the necessary experience, we could move to Texas any time after that. The new job was a career move for me in the right direction, and I needed as much experience under my belt as I could get.

Well, that year has come and gone.... about 8 months ago, and we're still here. However, issues with my current job have recently come to light. The past few months I have been debating (9 months, to be exact) over where to post my resume to get out of my current situation. I didn't feel ready to pack up and leave everything I know behind yet, but I didn't want to get a new job here. That, coupled with my promise finally led me to bite the bullet. I posted my resume in the great state of Texas last night.

The whole time I was updating my resume, my blood was rushing through my veins. I do want to go, and sometimes I am ready to go, but I'm not 100% ready. I don't think I will ever be 100% ready. Leaving my family behind is the biggest reason, especially my ailing dad. Add those feelings to the Great Unkowns, such as: Where will we end up? How much time will we have to move if I do get a job? Will I like it there as much as I hope I will? What if I get pregnant before we go?

I always knew I didn't want to stay here, even when I was a kid. I always felt like I was supposed to be somewhere bigger and better. I always knew this day would come and I've always welcomed it, but that does not keep me from being a little afraid of the unknown. I know that everything will work out the way it should, and that I will be happy with my decisions because I never make decisions thinking I could regret them. I have never been inclined to live a life of regret. So last night, hands trembling, I posted my resume, and then cried. lol

Sometimes we reach those points in our lives where we know its time to move on. I have finally reached one of mine. For the past two years I've felt like our lives were on hold. Like we've been in a temporary storage facility. Home is not really home, its just a waiting place. Boxes have been left unpacked from the last move because I knew they were not in their final location yet. And what's the point in unpacking when you aren't staying? Emptied boxes were put into storage and saved in anticipation of being used at least one more time. I guess its time to retrieve them and put them to use.

Trembling, scared, and excited, I look forward to life's next great adventure....