A Little Reflection

The past week and all of its stress have caused me to do a little reflection in the last 36 hours. I came to the realization that I was spending way too much time stressing about ovulation, and that doing so would only prevent it, not help it along. I also determined that I was way too wrapped up in my own little set of problems, to the extent that I couldn't concentrate on my sweetie, my pooch, or even my work. I have been constantly on edge and ready to cry on a moment's notice. I have completely neglected everything in my life the last few days to focus all of my energy on thinking about and stressing over ovulation. On top of that, I noticed that it nearly halted all other brain function. This was proven when I hosted a meeting with the president of my company and could not coherently speak to save my life. I'm sure he's wondering now why he hired such a blithering idiot to write useful documentation.

There is also nothing better to bring about this realization than a little piece of humble pie. In reading the blogs of my new friends, I realize that while I have been through a lot, I have been through nothing, comparatively.

I have decided that I am done focusing on myself and my ability to reproduce. I can sit here 24 hours a day thinking about all of the "What Ifs" (as proven by the past week), or I can live my life. There is so much more to life than dreading OPKs and potential doctor office visits. There is no sense in worrying about bridges that I might never need to cross. I need to live in the here and now, not what I am going to do if this doesn't work, and what I'll do if that doesn't work either. I am going to stick to the promise I made myself before my surgery, and that is that I would give myself six months, stress-free, to let my body figure out how to adjust to the post-surgery changes and give it a chance to get pregnant on its own, without the help of treatments.

In the meantime, I plan to play this weekend like I don't have a care in the world.

This is a picture of the most relaxing the place in the world that I can think of, and do think of when I need a break from my own thoughts. This is a picture of Kilmahog, Scotland. I usually think of the Scottish countryside while listening to "A Tune About Jack" by Lemon Jelly and just feel my stress melt away. I first heard the song while on a trip around Scotland last year, and will forever remember that moment as one of the most relaxing moments in my whole life.