HaPpY HaLlOwEeN!

I decided that instead of creating a post that was a mile long full of spooktacular Halloween photos, I would do another slide show, but before we get to that, I have a few things to say.

First off, I was Alice in Wonderland for Halloween this year. My costume was inspired by my bestest friend, who made her costume, and dressed as The Queen of Hearts. She spent 3.5 weeks making her costume, and because she is oober talented, you would be amazed at how much more incredible it looks in person. In fact, we went to Wally World the other night and she went in costume. I can't remember how many people asked to take pictures with her, but it was close to a dozen. Together we won best team costume at work, my BFF won best overall costume, and my desk won best decoration. Harrah!

I would also like it to be noted that my hair is actually quite long in real life. In looking through our family photo session, the shortest of my layers was all you could see, making it look merely shoulder length. No friends, it is almost down to my waist! I have been growing it out since Baby Bean was 4 months old when I chopped it off because it was falling out post-pregnancy.

Baby Bean had a BLAST trick-or-treating. She got her first go at my work Halloween party where she proved that tiny hands can grab quite a bit. Every desk we stopped by she would grab a handful of candy (provided for free from HR), put it in her bucket, and then grab another handful of candy. I think she grabbed four handfuls from the HR office and then at least two from every other desk after that. It was hilarious to see her carry, or rather drag, her overbriming basket down the aisles of cubes. Everyone got a kick out of her and thought she was so pretty, they didn't care how much candy she took. They just loved looking at her.

Saturday morning we went to a Fall Festival hosted by our daycare. There Baby Bean got to experience her first bounce house. She seemed to like it okay, but she had a hard time staying upright. She also seemed to like the playgrounds better than anything else going on. She did get to do a bit of trick-or-treating there, and she also got to pick a free pumpkin, which she loved.

I have also found another reason to love Texas. I don't know about where you all are from, but here they have trick-or-treating just about everywhere. Tonight we visited our local outdoor mall where they hosted a major event. About half of the stores participating in handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters. BB had a blast, as did her mom and dad.

We plan on taking BB trick-or-treating around our neighborhood for a bit on actual Halloween night, but that is only because Hubs wants to take the dogs out and show of their rider costumes. He said I spent the money on them, we're going to show them off. We certainly don't need anymore candy in our house. That much I can promise you. I think my daughter got more candy this year than I did as a kid. Heaven help my thighs... and my husbands beer belly.

On that note, I leave you with the highlights from this year's Halloween!

First Family Photos

Sorry friends, if you missed this post, I had to take the pictures down. It was a short-time deal. If my husband knew I had them up, he'd probably be mad. I didn't see the harm in sharing for a few days though.

Stay tuned for the Halloween post!

I am so excited to share this with all of you. A couple weekends ago we went and had our first professional family photos taken. As you can see by the slide show below, they turned out great!

I've got a really fun post up my sleeve, but it will have to wait for another day or so. It is going to take some work on the back end, and then it will be up for your viewing pleasure. Until then, feast your eyes on my wonderfully beautiful little family. :)

Regularly Scheduled Programming to Resume Shortly

Sorry friends, I've been taking a bit of a break from blogging this week to just spend time with my family and actually get to bed early in an attempt to clear my sleep debt. I will be catching up with everyone this weekend. I hope I didn't miss anything really big.

Normal Blogging will resume shortly....

Pumpkin Patch

I am going to apologize up front if this post is not coherent. It is almost 1:00 a.m., but I really wanted to put up these pictures tonight. So if this post isn't my most eloquent or it is choppy, you will have to forgive me.

Today was a day that pooped out my daughter and I alike. It started out with the three of us going to get our first professionally taken family photos. In fact, they were the first professional photos my husband and I have ever had together too. My cousin took our engagement and wedding photos, so this was our first time setting foot in a studio as a family. The session went great and we got some fantastic photos. I can't wait to get them back in a couple of weeks.

Getting our pictures taken took all morning and into the afternoon. We didn't get home until 2:00, which was well past Baby' Bean's naptime. It just takes so long to pick prints and then get them ordered and paid for. Luckily even though BB fell asleep in the car, she pretty much zonked after we got her into her crib. I cleaned up the house a little bit, and then laid down for a nap myself.

At around 5:00, my friend J and her two boys and step-son came over so that we could go visit our local Pumpkin Patch. I had never been before and was pretty excited to go spend time with J and all of our kids. We weren't there for very long, but the kids did get to go on a pony ride and a barrel train ride. Afterward, we went to dinner, and then headed home.

While the day doesn't sound crazy busy, it was. It left me wondering if I really do want more than one baby, because I swear sometimes my daughter has eight arms and they are all reaching for and throwing things at the same time. Luckily, I am really in love with my child, and so my patience is abundant.

I am going to go to bed now, but before I do, here are some of the super cute pictures I got of the Pumpkin Patch tonight.

Oh My, My

Remember how last Friday I Baby Bean got sick from daycare and I hoped it was just food poisoning? Well, it wasn't. It lasted all weekend and clear on through Monday. The poor little bug was sick as a dog. The weird thing is, after Friday night, it was only during the night time. She would wake up throwing up between the hours of 2:00-4:30 a.m. for the next few nights, but then be completely fine during the day. It was so sad.

But let us not dwell on my daughter not feeling well. Instead, let us speak of her accomplishments!

You know how all parents are so proud of their little ones and wonder if their child is ahead of the curve? Well, I am no exception. However, I have been humble about my baby's accomplishments because I don't have any other children around on a constant basis by which to compare her.

I have known for quite some time that she is mastering the English language very well. Her comprehension astounds me. She has been stringing words together for months now, which I knew was a bit ahead of the curve. "Kitty, where are you?"

She can tell you exactly what she wants. "More milk please." (Yes, she always says please and thank you.) "Down. Walk." (i.e., I want down so I can walk.)

She can tell you what hurts and what doesn't feel good when she is sick."Tummy hurts." "Finger hurts." Then you kiss it and she says, "All better!"

She can tell you what almost every single animal says, including elephants. "Duckies! Quack, quack!"

She understands directions well, even the ones where you tell her to turn around to face you so you can put her in her car seat, or when you tell her to put her sippy cup in her stroller tray. She knows what it means when you ask her if she is all done with her milk and wants to put it in the fridge. She can even tell the dogs to come or get out of her way.

She gives real kisses, and sometimes without being asked. She gives hugs, and the best hugs I have ever had.

Today when I picked her up from daycare, her teacher could not sing my daughter's praises enough. She said she is by far ahead of all of the other children in the class, and wonders if my daughter will be one of those students who gets bored with school because she doesn't get challenged enough. She told me BB knows every single one of the other kid's names in her class and the other one, including their nicknames. She tells them how to say thank you when she gives them something, and then tells them they are welcome. Her teacher never wonders what BB wants, because BB tells her.

Everywhere we go people comment on how smart she is. Just tonight we were at Wal.mart picking up a baby gift for a friend, and the cashier just couldn't get enough of her. I've been through his checkout before, and he has never been so friendly. He was amazed at how well she spoke and how polite she was.

I knew my baby was smart, but I am starting to realize how smart she really is. That she really is ahead of other kids her age. I can't take all of the credit though. I think she gets her smarts from her daddy. That is part of the reason I married him. He is incredibly intelligent and was in GT classes in high school. He dropped out of college because he got tired of teaching for the teachers in the classes he majored in. He realized he already knew more than they did, so what was the point in wasting the money to go to college?

When I was pregnant, people would ask me what I wanted for my baby, and my answer was always, "That she will be smarter than me." It looks like I just might get my wish, and I hope I do.

And Now For Something Completely Different

It is time for something a little less depressing, so please, feel free to have a good laugh at the expense of my dogs. I did!

Here they are in their Halloween costumes. No hot dogs, no turning them into little furry humans, none of those cutsie dog costumes, oh no, my dog's costumers are so much better than that. I have turned them into...

RIDERS!

Sadie will wear her troll and LOVE it!

Maggie's jockey rider gets comfortable as he prepares for the race ahead.

And now, prepare to wet yourself with laughter as you enjoy the race of the century! Watch as my girls put Sea Biscuit and Secretariat to shame!

RESET!

Can I just say I am so extremely glad this week will officially be over in 11 minutes? That's right, it is almost midnight on Saturday night, and I am awake, blogging in bed, but not for long.

This past week just sucked major ________ (insert noun of your choice). I can't believe it hasn't even been a full week since Monday yet. Let's see what happened that made this past week complete and utter _______ (insert adjective of your choice).

1. We had to put my 14-year-old cat down.
2. I wasn't there when my cat "went to sleep" to tell him goodbye, to pet him, and to love him in his final moments.
3. I had the craziest cycle that led me to worry about my fertility for the first time in years and ended with the oh-so-lovely appearance of AF.
4. I am the fattest I have ever been aside from when I was pregnant, despite watching what I eat and getting out for regular walks.
5. I picked my daughter up from daycare early yesterday and headed to the craft store to do a little retail therapy from this past week. As soon as I had her in the cart and we were off to shop, she puked all over the place.
   
6. I had to strip my daughter down to her diaper just outside the store and put her puke-covered clothes into a bag from the craft store, and then carry my child across the parking lot while carrying a bag that made it look like I had just taken my baby out shopping in public in just a diaper. I am sure people thought I was probably Br.ittney S.pears.
7. My daughter then threw up 4 more times, totalling 5 times in 4 hours. It was food poisoning. Guess who gets to talk to the daycare on Monday?
8. I was supposed to do a Race for the Cure this morning, but due to #5-7, I was unable to attend. I was going to go with my best friend J and her two sons. We had been planning this for about 6 weeks. We had paid our dues, gotten our t-shirts and race packets, and had plans to do brunch afterward. This post was supposed to be a recap of the race, complete with pictures of our children enjoying the walk and the festivities afterward.
   

But you all know me, you can't keep a good Chelle down for long. I finally got out to do my retail therapy today, and threw money in the following places:

1. Our local farmers market on fresh, organic, local, whole milk; and fresh, organic, locally grown vegetables.
2. UPS store, sending the antique heirloom baby crib back to my sister who is somewhere around 22 weeks pregnant, along with all of her awesome burp rags (seriously, they are awesome and you can't find that kind anymore) and some baby clothes. It was the first of at least two baby gear shipments.
3. The grocery store. They had Dr. Pe.pper on sale for .88 cents. Hubs drinks the stuff like water, and that price makes it a steal. It's usually $1 on sale and about $1.25 when its not. I also had to buy party favors for my unwanted visitor. I hate her.
4. Wally world, where I bought the last three books in the Tw.ilight series (and at about $5 less than at B&N), along with some much desired fall decor and a new lamp for my front room.
5. Ho.bby L.obby for some more much desired fall decor. Baby Bean kept trying to steal the plastic coated styro.foam beads of my garlands to eat them.

Of course, upon arriving home and hearing how much I had spent, Hibs took my credit card away. *sheepish grin* Oh well. It was worth it.

At any rate, I'm glad this week is over, and I pray that next week makes up for the crap that took place over the last 6 days. I know I will at least enjoy the next week basking in all my new fall decor and reading my books.

SNAFU

For those of you already in The Know, I don't need to say anything further about the title of this post. For those of you who aren't, you're about to be in The Know. The acronym SNAFU stands for: Situation Normal, All F*cked Up. There is also the ever popular FUBAR that somewhat helps describe my recent situation, and it stands for: F*cked Up Beyond All Recognition.

I went to the doctor today and left shaking my head while thinking, "SNAFU, typical."

Long story short, we're running a battery of tests in a feeble attempt to determine what caused my crazy cycle full of spotting. What we DO know is that I am NOT pregnant. For sure. I mean it this time. There is no hold the phone, no jumping the gun. I'm not pregnant (the pee test told me so).

Tomorrow I will get back the results of a blood draw that is testing for hCG levels (to rule out an ectopic due to some pains I have been having on the right side near the end of the fallopian tube), progesterone (to see if the number is even elevated), and thyroid (because we all know that can mess us up). I also had a pap done to rule out any of that monkey business, as well as a pelvic exam to check for fibroids or a potential ectopic, neither of which "felt" like they were the problem. My doctor scheduled a sono for the 18th, just after AF leaves to check the lining and make sure nothing funky has happened since I saw my RE just over 10 weeks ago (has it really been that long?!).

I told my doctor about the lack of +OPK and she said it could have been a bum pack, especially where I felt the ovulation pain the next day and the fact that AF has in fact showed up right on time.

I asked why all of a sudden I was having crazy cycles. Of course she cited stress, and I told her about how I was definitely up in my cycle's mug the first try we had out of the gate. I then told her how I felt when it didn't work out and how I decided I didn't want to be that person anymore, so I decided to not care and was all zen about this cycle... until 5dpo when all of this stupid spotting and stopping showed up.

My doctor said what I thought she would, and that is that we can't determine anything from this cycle alone. It could have been a fluke. She has patients that have this happen to them once and then never again. Sometimes it happens every now and then, but it doesn't mean anything. We just have to wait and see how the next cycle or two go before we can start determining there is a problem.

So where does that leave me right now? FRUSTRATED beyond belief! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs right now. I don't understand how I had PERFECT cycles as soon as my IUD came out and the entire time we were forced to not TTC, and now that we can try, I'm all SNAFU again! I just want to throw a screaming, foot stomping, fists in a ball fit!

I HATE WAITING WHEN IT COMES TO MY FERTILITY! I'M SO SICK OF THAT GAME!

But I will wait, and I will do what I have to do. I will also calm down once I get all of this off my chest, and I will go back to being zen. I'll do the OPKs and I'll do a progesterone blood draw on CD21 every month until I get pregnant because I want to. I need peace of mind right now. In fact, that was the first thing I said to my doctor when she walked through the door because I knew she couldn't give me answers yet, "I just need you to calm my fears and give me peace of mind today." Tell me this is a fluke. Tell me I'm not broken... AGAIN.

Okay, I'm breathing now. In. Out. In. Out. I'm fine. I promise. I just really needed to get this out so I can move on.


Dear uterus,

Please quit being such a worthless piece of crap and thwarting my dreams of having the family I always dreamed of. I swear that if it becomes possible to grow a new uterus in a test tube in the future, I will do so, and I will have you removed and burned just to spite you.

I have been nothing but good and nice to you, and anything bad that has happened to you at the end of a scalpel is your own doing. Believe me, it hurt me too.

Now can we put all of this nastiness behind us and make a baby in a couple weeks, please?

Thanks.

Sincerely,
Chelle (aka your master)

Hold the Phone....

The bleeding is stopping.

What the deuce is going on in there?!

All I can say right now is I am soooo glad I have a dr appt at 1:00 today because I have a million questions. A million.

BFN

Guess who decided to show up two days early?

So not only do I not know if I even ovulated this month, but my visitor is also two days early.

I'm not disappointed about the fact that I'm not pregnant. I knew I wasn't, and I am okay with that. We'll just try again next month.

What I AM concerned about is the lack of +OPK and the early appearance of AF.

Crap.

I scheduled an appointment with my OB for tomorrow afternoon. I really don't want to have to do medicated cycles again....

Goodbye Frankie

Many people don't know this about me, and it saddens me greatly, especially today, but I had a cat named Frankie, whom I got when I was 17 years old from my brother-in-law's parents the weekend of my sister's and his wedding. As you all do know, I am HUGE animal lover. To me, my animals are not just animals, they are companions, they are best friends, they mean as much to me as people in my life do. They are very dear to me.

My kitty, Frankie, has lived with my parents since I moved out. Partly because I didn't want to uproot him from the only home he had ever known, but also because somewhere around the time I was 24-25, I became allergic to him. That didn't stop me from loving him and petting him, of course. I often gladly took the consequences to my love and affection for him.

Today while I was at work, my dad called me from the vet to tell me that he had to put my kitty down. The vet got on the phone and explained that he thought Frankie had a tumor somewhere, and that he suspected my cat's lungs were filled with liquid. He could barely breath, and my dad said that movement and even being touched and held were obviously painful for him.

Together, my dad and I cried as the vet prepared my cat, and then put him to rest.

I couldn't handle it. I was crying so hard. Sobbing. I loved my cat so much.

I knew I was drawing the attention of my coworkers, but I couldn't move. All I could do was cry and tell my dad to please have my kitty cremated and sent to me.

Frankie was always there for me. We went through a lot together. Whenever I needed a good cry, I would hold him in my lap and cry on his sweet, soft head while he gently purred and rubbed his lips along my jawline. There was nothing in this world as soothing to me as his purr. I told him all of the time that he was good for my heart, because as soon as I would touch him, no matter how stressed out I was, I could literally feel my blood pressure dropping and a sense of peace and calm come over me. It never ceased to amaze me how instantaneous my reaction to him was.

He was the sweetest, most loving cat. He loved to be pet and doted on. My brother and dad are going to miss him most because whenever they went out to the garage (which is where our cats live because my mother won't let animals in the house), Frankie would always run up and greet them. Even after I went away to college or moved away from home, I could always count on Frankie to come running when I opened the door and he heard my voice. He never failed. As soon as he heard my voice, he would come running, and start purring the second our eyes met.

The blessed kitty humored me too. I used to give him regular baths. While he didn't like them, he put up with them. Often times, I would bathe him, towel dry him, brush him out, and then curl up with him on my bed. He would always purr until he fell asleep.

One of my all-time favorite things was to cuddle with him and take naps with him. I used to hold him for hours on end. He was my kitty. My first very own kitty.

We spent many wonderful years together, and even though he was 14, it still doesn't make it easier to let him go. It breaks my heart that I wasn't with him physically petting him in his last moments alive. It hurts so much to think I will never see his yellow eyes again, feel his soft fur, or hear him purr for me. The next time I see him, he will be in a wooden box with his name on it, reduced to nothing but ashes.

I love you kitty. Thank you so much for being such a blessing in my life. I loved you so very much, and I am heartbroken to let you go. I will love you always.

Frankie 1996-2010

Grrr....

I wish this post was going to be really cool, but its not. In fact, if you're a fertile person seeing this post on my FB profile update, I think it is safe to say you can skip this one because it is probably full of terminology that you aren't familiar with. To the rest of my loyal readers, read on and give me your two cents.

So on CD 21, which was 5dpo, I had some very light spotting. Because of my past history and spotting so far ahead of when AF is due, my heart fell when I saw it. Early spotting was the whole reason we started seeing an RE 3 years ago. At the time I thought it was because I was miscarrying because it lasted for a week before AF showed, but it turned out it was because I had low progesterone and wasn't ovulating. So add that to the fact that I am not sure I got a positive OPK this month (if you want picture proof, see below and tell me what you think), and I'm not feeling so great about things, and not even just this month, but about my fertility in general.


I had been trying to not think about it because it is also entirely possible the spotting was brought about from my surgery incision still. I have had days since the surgery where I will randomly cramp and spot a little, so it isn't unheard of for me lately. Not only that, but it all stopped completely by the end of the day and then I didn't have anything the next day.

Today, however, was a different story. It was lighter than on CD 21, but it was still apparent today on CD23 (7dpo). And because it showed up again today, I am more convinced that it is most likely due to low progesterone.

The sucky thing is, I called my doctor's office on CD21 as soon as I saw the spotting to request a blood draw to test my progesterone levels. They hadn't called me back by 4:00, so I called my RE and left a message with them, asking them to please order one STAT for the next morning so I wouldn't have to go all weekend wondering about the results. Well the next morning my doctor's office called me back and told me to come in on CD21. I was disappointed when I told the nurse that was the day before. "Oh. Oh.... well let me talk to Dr. L and see if there is anything we can do. I'll call you back." I bet you don't have to be a psychic to guess what she said when she called me back. "It's too late now." Thanks. Thanks a lot.

Granted, when I have spotted in the past with low progesterone, it has been constant and pink and for a full week before AF is due. This time it is barely perceptible and it comes and goes. So I'm not 100% convinced it is a progesterone issue versus a cranky uterus.

I am going to have to go with its not a pregnancy simply based on the fact that I have no other symptoms. That and I just don't feel it, you know? I'm not getting that, "I could be pregnant" vibe. I'm getting more of an, "Okay, don't freak out. This doesn't mean we'll have to do treatments again" vibe, and the only reason I've got that is because I had a low progesterone spotting cycle the one before I got pregnant with my daughter.

Anyway, enough about me. What's going on with all my lovely blog friends? I'm off to find out.

Update: There was zero spotting again today on CD 24 (8dpo). I wonder if there is a pattern going on here, and I'll spot again tomorrow.

Have you ever just wanted to punch your uterus? I sure do right now.