Sleep is Goooood

Thank you everyone for your well wishes on Baby Bean's behalf. Can I just say Wednesday was by far my worst day as a mother? Not because I was fed up or hating it, but because it was killing to me see my child so sick and in such discomfort. It absolutely broke my heart.

I took this picture of her sleeping on my shoulder while we waited for her flu and CBC tests to be completed. I felt so bad for her. I was glad I had taken a blanket to wrap her in while she had to wait undressed to the diaper because the room was freezing.



The flu test came back negative and her CBC was normal. However, her ear infection wasn't clearing up even though she had been on antibiotics for days, so they treated her to a nasty double injection of antibiotics, one in each leg simultaneously. I felt HORRIBLE holding her hands as the two nurses rammed needles full of thick antibiotics into her legs. I held her tightly to me afterward and tried to soothe her screams. She calmed down pretty quickly and then went right back to sleep.

The fantastic news is the antibiotics did their job. Her ears and sinuses cleared up that night, and for the first time since she started daycare we both slept through the night. For once we weren't both up every two hours with me soothing her back to sleep. Happily, she has slept through every night since. She is doing much better and is back to her happy self. You'd never know she was sick last week.

On a separate note, when I was downloading the above picture from my phone, I came across these pictures from her birthday and had to share them.

I am so ready to do this again!

The Best Laid Plans

When I called my parents to let them know on Wednesday that my daughter's pediatrician declared her too ill to be around her ailing great grandpa for Thanksgiving, my dad's reply was, "The best laid plans.... Welcome to the world of parenthood." Not only did the doctor say we couldn't go, she said she we absolutely should not let Baby Bean around him because she could be he cause of doing him in. The poor little darling was soooo sick. The sickest she has been yet.

Remember how I said I had to go get her from daycare on Tuesday? Well, I wasted no time getting her a doctor appointment Wednesday morning. We were at the doctor for over an hour and a half while she was tested for the flu, given a major shot of antibiotics to both legs to hopefully speed the recovery of her ear infection, had a complete blood count drawn, and had to wait to ensure there was no allergic reaction to the antibiotics. Let me tell you, that was the hardest day of my parenting career so far. It was miserable for my child. She fell asleep in my arms many times only to be woken for shots or finger pricks. I couldn't wait to get her out of there. She was so sick and miserable she literally spent the rest of the day sleeping. It took moving a mountain to get her to wake up long enough to eat a bottle and then she was right back out.

I called my husband as soon as I found out we weren't going to his grandpa's, and then called my MIL to let her know. Here is the amazing thing, I didn't panic. I was now looking at Thanksgiving for 2.5 and had nothing for it at home, or so I thought. I asked my MIL to send me a recipe for one of Hub's all-time favorite dishes. She sent me two, one for spinach Madeline and one for chocolate pecan pie. So that night after the baby was in bed, I went to the grocery store to grab the necessary missing ingredients and a turkey breast.

If this was going to be our first Thanksgiving at home and alone, I was going to make it great dang it! I was amazed at just how many ingredients I already had on hand. Last night I stayed up to prep the spinach and pie, both of which turned out awesome! I didn't think to buy a pie crust at the store, but by some miracle had one pack of graham crackers at home, which turned into the most delicious crust.

I went all out. I made turkey, spinach Madeline, cheesy garlic potatoes with turkey gravy, stuffing, squash, rolls, and chocolate pecan pie. I have been so proud of myself all day, and I was literally beaming as the three of us sat down to our Thanksgiving feast. I have to say, I didn't use to like cooking, but now I LOVE it thanks to my fabulous husband who taught me how to cook and do it well.

Here is my first ever turkey. I was so stinking proud I wouldn't let Hubs cut it until I took a picture.


It was so beautiful and herb stuffed (thanks for the pointers Gord.on Rams.ey!). It was delicious. I did an awesome job.

Here is the fantastic spread I prepared (minus the chocolate pecan pie that was still chilling in the fridge [I also forgot to get a pic before eating {I KNOW!}]).


Please note the fine china. This was a very traditional gift from my parents on my wedding day. It is the first time it has seen the light of day since the contents were checked for breakage. I can't even tell you how gloaty I was to finally use it. Even Baby Bean got her own little plate.

I decided to let Baby Bean help herself to her dinner.

Here is Hubs helping her get a hold of her spoon.

He's helping her dish up some of the potatoes.

Here he assists her with bringing the full spoon to her mouth.

But she insisted on doing things her way...

holding the spoon with one hand while shoveling food into her mouth with the other.

She did make a few attempts to use her spoon though.

I think she was pretty pleased with the meal, as it was all over her smiling face.

When it came time to clean up, Sadie offered to help. Baby Bean didn't mind.

While the plans for the day were tossed out the window, I think it all turned out very well. Dinner was delicious and I loved being domestic. It was a very memorable Thanksgiving, and I enjoyed every second of it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today (and every day) I am thankful for a great many things, the obvious and the not-so-obvious:

• Wonderful, supportive, loving husband
• Beautiful, hard won daughter who is the joy of my life
• Fantastic, caring, understanding parents
• Supportive, affectionate, close siblings
• Two smart, snuggly, crazy Border Collies
• Four amazing best friends
• A whole slew of wonderful people I am proud to call friends, both IRL and in blogland
• A lovely house that I proudly call home
• An out of this world job doing what I love to do with some of the best coworkers I could ever hope for
• A reliable vehicle that has been with me for 7 years and I hope to have for several more yet
• All of my struggles that make me who I am; the ones that bump and bruise me to help polish me and make me stronger
• The way my daughter runs her fingers through my hair and then smiles at me
• Snuggling with my husband and dogs after the baby has been put to bed for the night
• Each new day that I am given to enjoy my life
• Bringing happiness and joy to others
• Providing love and support when I am able
• Loving and being loved
• The beauty of the city in which I live
• The sweet chirp of birds in the morning
• The soothing sound of crickets at night

I am thankful for my life and everything that is in it.

Daycare Blues

I warned Hubs before we even put Baby Bean in daycare that the first little while would be rough and that most of our money would go to pay to build up her immune system. I knew it would be the case, and sadly, I have yet to be wrong.

The first week Baby Bean was supposed to start daycare, I came down with strep (I haven't had strep since I was 12; so much for that record) Sunday before her first day and ended up staying home with her for four days of that week, so her first day ended up being on a Friday. One day wasn't a big deal, which is probably why I handled it so well when we dropped her off that morning.

The second week of daycare was going great. Then Wednesday morning, the same day I was supposed to appear in court for running a stop sign, I was woken by a neighbor feverishly ringing my door bell and beating down my door. I answered in my pjs (which I am sure showed the neighbor a side of me he never wanted to see [or maybe he did] because anyone who was that anxious to see me had to take me as I was. He apologized profusely and told me Hubs and the daycare had been trying to call me all morning because my daughter was running a fever of 103.6 and I needed to go get her. She sported a fever on and off for the next five days. Both of us were out of work and daycare for the remainder of the week. Money well spent on daycare there (yes, facitious).

Since Baby Bean got sick she has been sporting what I and her teachers thought was either a diaper rash or a yeast infection as well as some major congestion. On Sunday night of this week Hubs and I noticed that Baby Bean was refusing to crawl. She'd get up on her knees and then start to cry, sit on her bum, and try to scoot to wherever she needed to go. When I looked at her knees I could tell something was up. On Monday morning I called her doctor and got her in. It was there we discovered there was a rash all over her lower body and that the majority of it centered on her knee joints. In addition to the rash, she had a major ear infection. She was at daycare for all of 2.5 hours that morning. However, the doctor gave her a note to return to school, stating she wasn't contagious and to authorize the dispensation of motr.in.

This afternoon I went to visit and feed her at lunch, as I have done every day since I returned to work after my maternity leave was over. She seemed a little sluggish, but I figured it was just the antibiotics doing their thing. At 2:45 I got a phone call from her teacher saying she was sporting a fever of 102.9 again. I immediately called her pediatrician and asked the nurse if I needed to go get my daughter from school, despite the note from Monday. She recommended I go, as did my project manager. So this week we have spent a total of 9 hours at work and daycare. Money well spent again. Hubs was ticked, but I warned him this would happen. Its part of the package.

Sadly, this month I have only worked one full week. Even the short week got cut really short, as Baby Bean is not allowed to return to daycare tomorrow due to her fever. It was still over 101 tonight before her bath and after a dose of ty.lenol and motr.in. I'm telling you again, if you haven't checked it out already, this No.se Fri.da is a lifesaver. I don't know how I would have sufficiently aspirated my child had I not had that fabulous device. It has earned its weight in gold and then some these past few weeks.

My poor little bean is now on antibiotics, tyle.nol, and motr.in. She hasn't slept through a night (neither have I) since she started daycare. I feel so bad for her, but at the same time, I am grateful for the time I have had to spend with her. I just wish it didn't mean she had to be miserable.

I've Done It!

Okay, so you see that little ticker on my sidebar that is counting down the days until my IUD removal? Well, that date was originally approximated. That is, until yesterday. I called and scheduled the appointment for my ultrasound to check on how my uterine rupture is healing, and if everything looks good, the IUD will come out that day.

Can I just say I am so nervous and excited all at the same time?!

The last time we looked at the scar tissue from the rupture, everything looked great and my doctor was pleased with its progress. I was supposed to go back in last month to have it checked again, but I opted not to just because it looked so good at the previous scan, and I feel good about things, so I didn't feel it was necessary. My doctor's office even sent me a letter to remind me I was supposed to make an appointment for last month and missed it, which I thought was cool.

Hubs and I are seriously chomping at the bit to get back in the TTC saddle (yes, both of us). I think I am so excited about the prospect that any fears I had last month have been pushed to the far reaches of my mind. I really feel good about things. I am just so ready to bring another baby into our home. I also feel like the next one will be a boy, I really do. Every time I talk to Baby Bean about her siblings I tell her she will have a brother and then another sister. If Hubs had his way, we'd have five boys and then maybe another girl. I wish we could have seven more.

They are building a brand new hospital about a mile from my house and it is supposed to be finished next fall. Every time we drive by, I tell Baby Bean that is where her brother will be born. When we walk past the maternity clothes in the store, I tell her, "Mom will buy those when she is pregnant with your brother." When I put away her baby clothes that no longer fit, I tell her that we won't need them for her brother, but we will for her sister, who will come after her brother. It is already second nature, she will have a brother next.

I honestly feel like we have two more children in our cards. I feel like it will be a boy and then a girl. I knew Baby Bean would be a girl before Hubs and I were even married. I realize it is a 50/50 chance, but I just felt it, and I was right. My intuition is not usually very far off.

So, less than two months until I buy the massive pack of OPKs and a few pregnancy tests, am back in the world of charting, checking all of the fun things that entails, adding a ticker to my sidebar, and officially back on the TTC horse. I can't wait!

All Set!

This past week I have gotten the Christmas bug, or rather the past two weeks. I just had so many other things going on I wasn't able to get around to decorating the house until this week.

Last Christmas Hubs and waited until after the Holidays to buy a new, large Christmas tree. We didn't see any reason to get one last year, as it was just the two of us, and we needed the money to prepare for the baby. One night we remembered our realtor had given us a gift card to Ho.me Dep.ot when we closed on our house and needed to use it. We ended up buying a $300 Christmas tree for $75 because it was the floor display.

Since last year, I have been looking forward to this Christmas, mostly because it would be my first Christmas as a mother. I remember surviving the holidays when we were doing infertility treatments. I tried to enjoy them, but it was just so hard because I didn't know if I would ever have a child with which to adorn gifts. Last Christmas was our first holiday with just the two of us and no family. Once again, we were lonely, but at least we were finally pregnant. I held my chin up and struggled through yet another Christmas day alone, but in a new way.

Because of the past few years, I couldn't wait to break out the decorations. I spent this whole weekend getting them set up around the house, and was really excited to get out our new tree. Santa brought me an early present this year.


Baby Bean loved the tree and the lights. She has been crawling around under it and grabbing the branches and lights since I started setting it up earlier this week.



I remember last year thinking I just couldn't wait to buy the perfect "Baby's First Christmas" ornament. It was so hard to not buy one for last year because I was technically with child, but I refrained. This weekend, I came across what I was looking for and fell in love with it instantly.


They are ceramic baby booties that say, "Baby's 1st" and "2009." I have finally been blessed with a child for whom to buy this keepsake.

On top of all of the decorating, I am pleased to say my Christmas shopping is done! Hoorah! I pretty much refuse to shop after Thanksgiving, and I like to have it done and out of the way before TG so that I don't have to worry about it or brave the crazy crowds. Yesterday I went out with one of my best friends, and together we tackled and conquered my list.

Now I can sit back, relax, and prepare to share this very special holiday with my first baby.

Its That Time of the Month

And no, I'm not talking about the one in which my monthly visitor makes her nasty appearance, although if you ask my husband, it might as well be.

Welcome ICLW!

I have to say, Hubs really does hate this time of month. He likes to remind me that since we got married, he has been asking me to write a manual for a product he developed, but I have yet to finish it. So every time ICLW rolls around, he gets grumpy that I blog for a whole week and don't write. I just bat my eye lashes and tell him I need my bloggy therapy. :D

For those of you new or visiting the blog, you can find my back story here. Long story short, after two years of infertility treatments and one extensive surgery (confirming moderate endo, PCOS, and a uterine septum), Hubs and I were eventually able to conceive on our own. We want to have more children, but now have new complications and have been forced to take a year of TTC while my body heals. We're already chomping at the bit to be back in the TTC saddle, but as you can see by the ticker in my sidebar, our year isn't quite up. We're almost there though! Now we're just praying that we don't have to go through IF hell again once we are given the green light.

I look forward to meeting new bloggers, hopefully making some good friends, and finding some new blogs to follow.

Welcome to my blog and our story.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

While the post is supposed to be "Wordless Wednesday," I just couldn't help but say that when I pulled these pictures off the camera, they absolutely made my heart swell. I am so deeply in love with this child! I couldn't stop smiling as I looked at that sweet little face. I thank God for her every day. Thank Him so much for the wonderful, incredible gift that he has given me. She is by far the best thing her daddy ever gave me too. I love this little girl more than the air I breathe.

PHEW!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, homes in Texas for some reason have ZERO storage space. At least where I am located. I am not the only person with this complaint around here. Storage is at a serious commodity. The closets in my house are pretty much worthless. You shove a roll of toilet paper in there and the thing is full. The one exception is the closet in the master bedroom, which for some reason is probably half the size of the smaller bedrooms in our house. As a result, almost everything that needs to be stored in this house got shoved in there. Want to see the horror? Here you go.



Yes friends, that closet is stacked from side to side, floor to ceiling.

Can I just say it was driving me INSANE?!?! On top of which, I need that space. So a couple of weeks ago, I did the unthinkable... I started to clean the stupid thing out to determine what could go into the attic, unprotected from the temperature and humidity fluctuations, such as books or old papers, and what needed to be protected, such as clothes.


I then bought stock in these babies. Because in addition to my closet being full, Baby Bean's was overflowing as well with her old clothes and blankets that wouldn't fit in mine. I think I spent about $100+ on SBs. I was serious!

Then began the cleaning. Oh the cleaning!


This pile doesn't look big in the picture, but let me tell you, it took up an entire large block SB. It was all of my maternity clothes. I certainly won't need them for a bit and they were taking up way too much precious space.

This pile was jaw dropping. Those are all of the blankets and pillows I pulled out of there. This isn't even including the boxes of books and files. It was one of those projects that when you're half way into it, you wonder why the hell you got yourself into it.

I did the majority of the cleaning in one weekend. Then over the next few weeks, I gathered everything in our front room that I wanted put up in one of our underutilized attics. Today I got sick of it all. I was tired of the boxes sitting in my front room waiting to be put in their new home, and I was tired of the fact that I still had some closet left to clean out yet. Without even meaning to, I finished the thing off today.

Here is the finished project.

Can you believe it used to look like this?!


Hubs and I couldn't believe I actually created some of this:


Do you see that lovely carpet?!

As for the goods, this is an example of what happened to them during the process.

Before

During

After

And finally, in their new home!


Oh yes, folks, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. I can't tell you how many times today I have walked into the closet just to believe my eyes. Or how many times I climbed up the attic ladder just to see how cool it was I was using that space.

Then guess what I did next? I cleaned out Baby Bean's closet! Not only did I clean it, I organized it, and then I cleaned and organized her room and her changing table. I feel so proud of myself. :D

Up next, Christmas decorating!

Sickness Abounds

Poor little Baby Bean is still sick today. I thought we were winning the fight against her fever, but it became very clear tonight at bedtime that I was sorely losing.

I took her to the doctor yesterday afternoon where she tested negative for strep and flu. Her temp there was 101.9. The only deduction was a virus or a UTI. The doctor left it up to me if I wanted her tested for a UTI. After he told me about the procedure, I hugged her tightly to me and said we would wait another day. He told me if her temp went above 102, that the next step would be to test, and told me to monitor her closely. I did, and her fever went down. I thought it had broken and would be gone by this morning. She was still a little warm after I got her up for the day, but I could tell she felt like hell. She could barely keep her eyes open, she didn't want to be put down to save her life, and all she could do was moan and sob softly.

It absolutely broke my heart!!!

After her motr.in kicked in she was back to her usual self. I monitored her closely all day and she seemed to feel fine. That is, until tonight. She started to heat up again to the point where she was making me sweat to hold her. When I took her temp, it was 102.9. I called my brother-in-law who is a doctor and asked for advice. He told me if her fever doesn't break overnight, to take her back to the doctor tomorrow. Right now we're having a hard time getting her to stay asleep, so she is snuggled up with daddy. I just aspirated her, and it wasn't pretty. The poor little girl.

The even worse news for me is that I was off work for four days last week while I sported a nasty cold. I am pretty sure I tested positive for strep because the doctor's office said they would only call me if the results were positive. I missed their call and didn't bother calling back. I already knew. But now I will miss three days of work this week as well. I am a little bit afraid of the potential backlash that might cause. I called my project manager tonight and let him know what was going on. It was really hard to tell by his intonation if he was upset or not. He's got kids, so he knows how it is, but I am sure he is not at all pleased with the amount of work I have missed in the last two weeks. Please don't fire me! I used vacation time for my three days this week, but it still doesn't look good. I know people say to stay home when you're sick and I know no one at work wanted me there last week, but I'm still a little nervous.

Hubs told me to call tomorrow and see if I can snag a laptop to work from home, or maybe make a deal with my PM during these first few months of daycare when Baby Bean is bound to spend more time at home than at daycare while we pay a hefty price to slowly build her immune system. Luckily, my PM knows all about this quandary first hand too.

Right now I will just focus on getting my little doll better.

P.S. If you have kids and haven't heard of the Nose Frida, I highly recommend it. It works a million times better than a bulb syringe. A coworker of mine recommended it, and I am so glad he did. I am totally going to buy him lunch for that tip. This thing is a God send right now.

Thank You Birdman

Oh yes, friends, You have seen this picture a million times on my blog, and you will probably see it a million more times while I maintain this blog, so here it is again:


Today is Veteran's Day, and I would like to thank my own veteran, my little brother. Who, ironically enough, is on his way home from serving in the Republic of Georgia for the last few weeks.

This handsome chap has been in the military since he was 16 years old. He joined the ranks when he was just in high school and went off to basic training the summer between his junior and senior years of high school. He is a field medic who proudly served in Iraq in 2005-2007. He has gone on many missions around the globe, and has barely been home this year because he has been off serving his God and country. He has seen things that I cannot fathom, and has stories he will not share. He has gone to far away lands, and defended my right, my family's right, and your right to be fee.

So today, I would like to say thank you Birdman, for all that you do, for your selfless giving, and for so willingly doing your patriotic duty.

I love you with all of my heart. You are my favorite gift from mom and dad, and always will be.

I Fought the Law and I Won!

Back in June I got a ticket for speeding in an inactive school zone. Of course I was mighty miffed, but I decided to pay the ticket and opt for deferred disposition, which meant if I didn't get another ticket for 90 days, my violation would be dismissed. I didn't think I earned the ticket, as the school zone lights weren't flashing and it was the last day of school. However, my ticket was arguable because the school zone times are posted on the sign. I figured since I had only gotten one other ticket in my life (which I gladly paid because I knew I was speeding that time), so going 90 days ticket free would be no problem.

Two months later, I got pulled over again. This time for supposedly running a stop sign. This time I was angry. I didn't run a stop sign. I made a full and complete stop, and there were other cars at the intersection when I approached it, making running the sign very unwise. The (female) cop gave me a ticket anyway. As soon as I got to work, I called a lawyer.

My court date came and went twice because my attorney couldn't make it the first time, and then referred me to new representation in my area the day before my second court date, which got it postponed the second time. In speaking with the new attorney, I was told that the police in my area are notorious for giving out tickets for trumped up violations. On top of that, the judges in my city were as hard nosed as their cops, and usually sided with them. I was told flat out I would not get out of the ticket, even though I had done nothing wrong, but that the attorney would try to at least get me another differed. I was angry all over again. I didn't see how it was fair I should have to pay for something I didn't do. Especially when I sorely needed that money elsewhere. On top of which, I have now taken three days off work for court dates.

Shortly after I got my second ticket, I received a summons to a show cause hearing, informing me I had violated my deferred disposition and was now going to have to go to court to plead my case as to why my first ticket should not go on my record. Needless to say, I went through the roof. My husband told me he thought it unwise for me to represent myself at the show cause hearing, so I called the attorney again. His fee was $250. He then told me that I would probably be able to represent myself just as well as he could, so I should save my money and do it on my own. I asked how I was supposed to keep from getting tickets when I wasn't doing anything wrong in the first place. He told me to move. I asked if there was anything I could do. He told me I could call the city and complain, but that the police would target me if I did. Yes, he told me THEY WOULD TARGET ME!

I seethed with anger yet again. I was between giving up and going on a rampage, leaning more toward giving up. What else could I do?

This morning was my show cause hearing. I got a call from my daughter's day care just hours before my hearing, saying she was running a fever of 103.6 and that I needed to come get her. I rushed over and picked her up. She was going to have to go to court with me. We showed up to the court house, and I waited my turn as I held my daughter, burning up with a fever. She was so hot it was making me sweat. She began to get a little cranky in the court room, so the bailiff told me to wait in the hall and they would call me when it was my turn. They called me back in, and I was able to get my daughter to sleep just before it was my turn.

I walked up to the judge, sweating from holding my child, and a little shaky because my arms were getting fatigued. The judge asked what I was doing regarding my stop sign violation. I told her my attorney was going to represent me this afternoon. She then told me that she would let him sort out the details for that ticket, and that she was dismissing my deferred violation.

I couldn't believe it! I was shocked. I had my whole song and dance prepared, and I didn't even need to perform. I thanked her and went to the clerks office, relieved and still sweating. I fought the law and I won! Now I just need to wait and see what happens with the hearing this afternoon.

As for Baby Bean, she is peacefully sleeping in her swing. I have given her some tyl.enol, and she has a doctor appointment this afternoon. Hopefully it is nothing serious and she will be back on her feet in no time.

I am Kreativ

I am really late in posting this. I kept forgetting about it, until now. The wonderful Marla at Marla'z Austin Journey sweetly awarded me with the Kreative Blogger award. Thank you Marla!






Here are The Rules:
1. Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3. Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4. Write 7 things about yourself that people may not know.
5. Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7. Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they’ve been nominated.

My 7 Things

1. While my IUD was imposed upon me by medical necessity, I love the thing. I haven't seen AF in over three months now. Should you ever need to be on BC, I highly recommend the IUD.
2. I came across some old stories I wrote in high school for a creative writing class while cleaning out my closet. I always thought I was a good writer. After reading over those little ditties, I'm not so sure anymore. One of my papers was given a 75/75. It makes me wonder if the bar was really set that low in my high school. The story itself wasn't bad, but the grammar... oh the grammar!
3. While riffling through that same box of documents, I came across an email to my parents that I wrote during my sophomore year of college in which I blew off steam over the fact that I didn't get as big of a scholarship to my next school of choice as I would have liked. It made me laugh because I seem to remember having a pretty decent scholarship to that university. In fact, they gave me an extra $500 at the end of the year because they had left over scholarship money. I used it to buy a car alarm.
4. While being nostalgic about the documents I found, I smiled to myself because I have a way of blocking out unpleasant things from my past. If I didn't enjoy the ride, I forgot about it. I actually don't remember very much about my time at that university. Why? Because I was miserable there. I loathed every minute, but viewed it as a necessary evil for my future success. I have friends from that school who ask if I remember doing this, that, or the other with them. I always stare blankly with a slight smile and say, "No." Jen, if you read this, I DO remember the popcorn now!
5. I am definitely my worst critic when it comes to my writing. It is never good enough and never will be. Most everything I write reads like shite to me. Yet, it is what I get paid to do. My husband always tells me that I must be good at it because I get paid pretty well to do it. On top of which, all of the project managers at all of my jobs never have anything but glowing reviews of my work. I always feel like I have somehow pulled the wool over people's eyes and one day I will be found out.
6. I didn't realize I was a positive person until I started infertility treatments. I guess positive people block out negative memories too. That isn't to say I don't have moments where I feel like the sky is falling. I just recover from it quickly and find the positives, the lessons.
7. I am very tired because it is almost 1:00 in the morning, and I sat up trying to catch up on blogs and writing this post.

Now, to tag 7 folks. I'm just going to tag because it is late. If you have already received this award, I apologize. Feel free to do it again, pass it on, or ignore it.

1. Tammy
2. ~Ifer
3. Heather
4. Cherish This Baby
5. Justine
6. Sarah
7. Leah

Her First Day

Last week went by in a blur. Of course it is because I was home enjoying being sick because it meant I could be with my baby. Before I knew it, it was Friday. Time for me to go back to work, and for Baby Bean to go to her first day of daycare. I am still not sure how or why I handled it the way I did, but it didn't go down the way I imagined it would at all. Before she was even born I would sob at the idea of her going to daycare. I cried more on the day my husband got a job than on her first day. In fact, I didn't shed one single tear that morning.

I woke up Friday morning at my normally scheduled time from before daylight savings (it used to be 7:15, but now it is 6:15), got ready for work, then went in and got Baby Bean up for the day. She was already awake and standing up in her crib when I walked in, which I was glad for. I got her dressed, fed her, made sure we had everything we needed for the daycare center, and out the door we headed.

Hubs went with us to get Baby Bean situated, and I am sure as a support to me. Surprising, I didn't need the latter. We took her to her classroom, filled out the daily paperwork, got her settled, and then it was time to go. I gave her a big kiss and told her I would see her later. I told her to be a good girl. She gave me a big smile and then crawled away to play with some toys. Hubs and I didn't even need to sneak out of the room because she didn't notice we had left.

I didn't feel anything that morning. I didn't feel sad. It wasn't hard. My heart didn't break. I felt fine. I was amazingly at ease with the whole thing. I didn't worry about her during the day, or feel the need to call and check in.

Lunch time rolled around and my teammates were getting ready to go to our usual Friday team lunch. The place they all wanted to go didn't appeal to me, and one of my teammates protested my going because he was afraid I would get him sick. It made me smile when one of our other teammates told me to come anyway immediately after that comment, as if to say, "We'd rather have you than him!" It was very sweet. I told them to go ahead and I would go have lunch with my daughter.

When I got to the daycare, my Baby Bean was sitting in a high chair eating pineapple. She had green peas squashed all over her whole face. From chin to forehead and from ear to ear. I hoped that she would give me the same big smile she usually gives me when I get home from work. Instead she just looked at me like, "Oh, hey mom," and kept right on eating her pineapple.

While I fed her, the teachers all gloated over what a good girl she was and how well she was getting on with the whole situation and other kids. They were amazed she had never been to daycare before because she just took it all in stride. She did skip her morning nap, and she let me know all about it.

Hubs and I were a little upset to find out how much they had let her eat during the day. They overfed her with snacks and at lunch time. We're going to address that on Monday. She came home smelling of daycare, and was a little cranky because she had hardly slept. The child usually sleeps anywhere from 1-2 hours during two separate nap times during the day (up to 4 hours total). She slept for an hour at daycare all day.

All in all, I think it was a great experience for her. I think she will adjust well to being there every day. I am still amazed at how well I am handling it. It just isn't as big of a deal as I thought it would be.

With My Eyes Open

Have you ever been sitting at your blog, wanting to post, but now knowing what to post? So many ideas going through your head. Which should you pick? Should you pick them all and do them in bullet point? Save them out and do them separately over time while risking losing the thought of them as the hours and days pass by? What about the post you want to write up, but aren't sure whose eyes will see it and what meaning they will take away from it? Will they take the one you intend, or the one they want to?

The last four days have been so very bitter sweet. Bitter because I was sick, but sweet because I got to spend them with my daughter. Bitter because I didn't have a car with which to take either of us to the doctor before Hubs got home or to go to the store to buy necessary cold meds, but sweet because I didn't have a car, and so couldn't go anywhere or do anything but be with my darling baby girl. I have to say, I am so thankful I got sick. Yes, it sucked. Yes, it was brutal. But oh my gosh have I enjoyed being home with Baby Bean. The thought of going back to work tomorrow while she goes to her first day of daycare breaks my heart.

That last line was the one that could be taken wrong. I love my job. I really do. I work for a great company, and I have some of the awesomest teammates/friends I have ever had the pleasure of working with/knowing. I received numerous text messages from my teammates the last few days asking how I was doing and if I needed anything. My PM even told me that if I needed people to shuttle me fluids, they would (because I didn't have a car). I am so very blessed to work for this company. It was by far one of the best decisions of my life, and I am so grateful we are here. Getting this job was a pivotal turning point in my life. I love these people, and I love my job. I want to go back to work, I just wish my daughter could come with me.

I know daycare will be a wonderful thing for Baby Bean. She loves other kids. She is going to get exposure to all kinds of things she wouldn't at home (and I'm not just talking about germs). They are going to teach her sign language, take the messy job of teaching her how to eat with utensils, and the list goes on and on.

However, I feel like in a perfect world, I would be an at-home mom. *GASP!* I know, I just said that. The woman who has always said that I could never be an at-home mom. I'd be bored. I need social interaction. Blah, blah, blah. I still think being an at-home mom could wear on me after a while. I did work hard to get where I am. I do need social interaction and all of those other things. So ideally, I would work part time, and be home part time.

I found over the past four days that I just love being with my daughter. I know some people hate when infertiles say this, but I honest to God know I am a better mother because of the battle I had to fight to get her here. I don't take her for granted for one second, and haven't since I found out I was pregnant with her. Do I think that there are women out there who got pregnant on their own who feel the same way? Absolutely. I just know that I am a better mother than I would have been. That's not to say I wouldn't have been a good mom, because I would have. I just know that I have way more patience, a higher level of tolerance, and a love that is incomprehensible.

The past four days have been fantastic. I am so grateful I got sick. (Baby Bean did too, but I was exponentially sicker than her. Both her pediatrician and my doctor said that is common. She exhibited hardly any signs of illness. I, on the other hand, sounded like death warmed over.) Maybe one day, my ideal will become the real.

Here it is!

I guess having a cold and being home all day isn't all that bad... minus the hacking, sneezing, and nose blowing. :) However, it gave me time to put together the 9-month photo shoot slide show!

I will say that it appears Baby Bean is magically in good health. She is not exhibiting any symptoms of sickness at all. For some reason last night was a little rough though. The poor thing was up and screaming constantly. I called and made her an appointment with her doctor tonight after Hubs gets home, as I won't have my car back until later this week.

Thank you everyone for your well wishes. I hope to be back to 100% soon.

Without further ado, I present you with the 9-month photo shoot! (There is a little surprise in this one. You get to see the face of the wonderful photographer!)

Crap....

So this past weekend really didn't like me, or so I'm guessing. I enjoyed most of it, despite the fact that it felt like it was constantly trying to get me down. How can I not enjoy a weekend filled with my darling baby girl?!

Yesterday morning I woke up sneezing, and it continued on through much of the day. At one point I told Hubs that you'd think I'd get tired of sneezing and take an allergy pill already. I did. A few hours later it was crystal clear, I was coming down with a cold.

I never get sick. I never catch colds. And I am certainly never the one to catch a cold first in our house. Somehow, somewhere, I picked up a cold over the weekend. This morning I woke up to a majorly sore throat. I was worried last night when I realized I was getting sick and noticed Baby Bean was a little crankier than normal, and demanded to be put to bed almost half an hour early. So I called my project manager this morning, told him I was sporting a majorly sore throat complete with lagrip (post nasal drip), and before I could tell him I was going to stay home, he told me to stay home and get batter. Then I called the day care and told them today was supposed to be Baby Bean's first day, but that she had been running a fever and wouldn't be there today. I just prayed Hubs wouldn't get sick for his first day of his new job.

Before he left to work, he took me over to the mechanic to drop my car off, brought Baby Bean and I home, and then went to work. Today was pretty brutal. Neither the baby nor I felt good. She went down early for both of her naps and was a little crankier than usual. I tried to sit up and read blogs (I am seriously so far behind) while she was napping, but my cold was kicking my butt, so I had to bow out. I am sorry blog friends, but I will not be able to catch up now. Know that I am thinking about all of you and sending my best wishes for whatever I missed.

In fact, I so rarely get sick, all of the cold meds we had in our house expired over a year and a half ago! I went to the pharmacy today and said to the pharmacist, "I never get colds, but I've got one now. Its been so long since I had one, I don't know which medication works best." I don't think her recommendation is working very well. *sigh*

Hubs didn't get home from work until almost 7:00 tonight. Baby Bean was so happy to see him she would scream if he wasn't holding her. This is the first time in her life she has been home all day without daddy. Sadly, it was bath time shortly after he got home, time for the last bottle, and then bed time. They barely got to see each other today. I feel so bad for both of them.

The good new is Hubs came home in a great mood, which is awesome because it means he likes his new job. I knew this would be a good move for him and his morale. Baby Bean and I were both glad to have him home though.

Anyhow, I'm taking my sniffling body to shower and then to bed. I am really sorry I won't be able to catch up on blogs. You're all in my prayers.

*hugs*