Have an Issue?

After yesterday's call to the May.o Clinic, I will be honest, I'm upset about the situation, so is my husband. The doctor has all of my records right there in her office. I don't understand how she thinks seeing me in person is going to change what tests she might think she needs to run. Even if she gives me an internal, she isn't going to find anything or see anything that isn't already in the records I sent her. Bottom line is, there should be ZERO reason she can't take a precursory glance at my charts and determine if she needs further testing. She just doesn't want to do it, and that makes me a little angry.

I understand she is a prestigious doctor working at a prestigious hospital, but her unwillingness to take 20 minutes to look at my charts tells me right off the bat I am nothing more than a number to her. It tells me she won't be a compassionate doctor. She can't be bothered. I understand that $1k is chump change compared to an entire infertility cycle, but this is money that doesn't have to be wasted.

I think the thing that frustrates me most is I feel like that black fog I left behind when I moved to Texas two years ago has creeped back into my life. The one where I was going through treatments and waiting for appointments and answers. The same one that made me feel like my life was in a holding pattern. I'm there again, and I didn't want to be.

I was hoping for things to be easier this time around. I was hoping we would get clear cut answers and help where our problem is clear cut. We know exactly what needs to happen and exactly how it needs to be done. I don't need to chart. I don't need to figure out if/when I ovulate. I don't need injectables. I just need surgery. A simple surgery. There are no question marks in this equation, so the fact that the doctor has put them in there unnecessarily is getting to me.

I thought going to a prestigious institution would make things easier and I would get the help I needed right away, but instead it is turning out to be a frustrating hassle that adds stress and complications to my already complicated life. That is what is bothering me the most.

The sad thing is, I couldn't figure out why I had been so down the last few days. Its spring here. Its warm, sunny, and gorgeous. I LOVE spring, and I especially LOVE the Easter holiday. So why was I feeling so blue? Why weren't the things that normally made me happy budging my blues? Then yesterday I realized that this whole IF thing is really bogging me down. I had tried to pin all of the blues on something else, but the reality is that this IF crap is the root of it all.

Hubs and I have decided to go to the appointment anyway, if for no other reason that peace of mind that we are in capable hands here in Texas. So, I'm trying to pull myself out of the bog and move on, but I'm finding it hard, despite my best efforts. I just keep telling myself things will turn around after my appointment next week with the RE here, and after the visit on the 9th.

If nothing else good comes out of going to MN, at least I will meet two fantastic blog friends IRL and get to spend some time with them. THAT alone will make it worth it.