Em Are I too

I am really missing the days before February 19th when my life was more predictable than it has been since then.

You know how I always say I think everything happens for a reason? Well, I now know that this second MRI was more significant than just getting a scan done. I went back in for my second MRI today with my bowels still gurgling and feeling put out by their quick cleaning. It made the tech laugh when I told her I hoped it wouldn't be a problem. I took everything in stride with the bowel prep and having to come back in. In fact, I thought it was all funny. I didn't mind one bit. To me, these are all really small things in a very big picture.

As I was being prepped to go into the tube again, the tech called the radiologist to have her come determine what images she wanted different from last time. The radiologist came in and asked me what exactly I was there for. When I told her she said she was glad she talked to me because she had been looking for something different. She had found that my endometriosis is back, and that I have new endometria growths. She also told my my ovaries are very cystic right now. And just when you thought you couldn't be shocked enough, she told me it looked to her as though my septum had even started to grow back. I was bug eyed. (Guess how rare it is for a septum to grow back. You got it!)

Everything I have been doing to prevent that stupid endo from coming back all of these years hasn't worked well enough. I can count on two hands the amount of caffeinated beverages I've had since I found out it contributes to endo grown. Oh well. What do you do?

When the radiologist asked why I was doing the scan and I informed her it was to fix the rupture so I could get pregnant again, she looked at me and said, "Are you sure you want to do this?" I said, "Everyone says that." Then we got into a discussion about how she had undergone IVF to get her first son. 9 months after he was born, she surprisingly got pregnant again on her own. During the birth of her second son, they had found that her uterus was paper thin, and she was lucky she hadn't ruptured. They told her at that time she couldn't have any more. She knows exactly where I'm coming from.

We continued to talk about how everything we had gone through was worth it. Then I looked her in the eye and asked if she were in my shoes, would she get pregnant again? She told me point blank, yes. Then she told me that if I felt any pelvic pain at all during my pregnancy to get straight to the hospital.

I couldn't believe it! Someone who has a really good idea of what I am going through. I was so glad I had to go back in today, because if I hadn't, I never would have met that woman, and I NEEDED to meet her.

After my scan was complete, I was shooting the breeze with the tech, who is 31 weeks pregnant. Come to find out, she was about to start injectibles to get pregnant when she got pregnant all on her own. So we sat there and talked about our journey's for a bit.

It was an incredible morning, and I drove out of that hospital knowing exactly what I'm going to do.

I'm going to have the surgery, and unless they find something that we don't already know about, I'm going to get pregnant one more time. I am.

Over the weekend, I also remembered when my OB consulted with a high risk OB after my daughter was born to ask him if he thought we would be okay, and he told her yes. He gave us the green light clear back then.

Yes, it would be really bad to get pregnant RIGHT NOW with this weak spot, but once it is repaired, our chances go back to what they were before we knew it was there.

The bottom line is that I HAVE to do this. I know this is right, and I feel it in my gut. I have felt it in my gut all along. I feel good about it. So hang on friends, cause this roller coaster is leaving the station!