The 5-Second Idiot

Today I was at the hospital installation taking a look at all of the changes that have been made since I was last there two weeks ago. My company is going to sign over all of our equipment the middle of next week, and then my sight visits as a contractor will be over. The next time I grace those hallways, it will be as a patient, and hopefully one in the maternity ward who leaves with a healthy baby.

Being in the situation I am currently in, I can't help but walk the hallways of the maternity ward every time I go to the installation. I go look at both c-section operating suites and wonder which one I will be in when I give birth to my next baby. Then I walk down the hallway to the recovery suites and wonder which one will be mine. After that I walk to the nursery and envision the day I look through the glass at my child. I finish up my walk by going down the hall with all of the L&D rooms.

As the hospital is so near completion, they now have full-time staff in there getting to know all of the new equipment and the ropes of the new hospital. I loved knowing that I have a part in their training. I loved knowing that they are all using the equipment my coworkers created, tested, and carried to completion. I love knowing they will read my manuals when they learn how to use this equipment.

Today as I slowly walked my L&D route, there was a group of nurses at the nursing station. I smiled, and walked past as I looked into each of the L&D rooms and smiled that the hospital had even bought beds from my company. I don't work in the division that makes them, so it was my first time seeing them. One of the ladies called out and asked if she could help me with something. I told her no, that I was just looking at the equipment manufactured by my company.

I was feeling a little social, as I usually do when I am in a good mood and thinking about the fact that I will get to have another baby, so I struck up a conversation with the nurses. I informed them I hoped to be a patient there in the next 12 months. Of course my situation came up, which I should have known better than to try to talk about to these women. Why? Well, because they are in the field of delivering babies, and to them my rupture is a death sentence. Within seconds of opening my mouth, they had labeled me as an idiot and were horrified that I was going to attempt pregnancy again.

I then spent the next few minutes explaining to them that I had been to see three REs (they had no idea what an RE is) and a high risk OB, who all cleared me for pregnancy after surgery. Of course then they began to tell me about my risks, such as placental ablation, which is where the placenta makes its way outside of the uterus and implants in organs.

Why did I open my mouth? Idiot! I then explained to them that I had heard it all, and I meant heard it all. I had been through every possible scenario with my doctors, and they all agreed I was okay to proceed with a pregnancy. The nurses, however, were not convinced. I am sure they know so much better than the experts who fix such things as ruptures or do the actual bringing of babies into the world.

I left there a bit jaded. I know they all think I'm an idiot for trying to get pregnant again because a story like mine cannot be told in a matter of minutes, least of all to people who think they know better than me or my specialist doctors. I further know they talked about me after I left and how they all think I am an idiot.

Please ladies, do you really think that everyone out there is so stupid as to blindly enter into a pregnancy in my situation? Do you really think my doctors wouldn't have told me what I was up against? And do you further think that just because you might not do your homework on it that it means the rest of the world wouldn't either? I mean, none of you even knew what an RE is for pete's sake! So give me a little credit here.

I really should learn to not tell people in the medical field about my story. They always assume that my bliss is because of ignorance, when in fact, it is completely the opposite. I know exactly what I am up against. I know exactly what kinds of things could go wrong. My bliss comes from the peace that I have inside that this is the right thing to do, despite what could happen.

The good thing is, I am GREAT at blocking out things I don't want to remember. I know I won't remember any of those nurses except for the one, and sadly, she was not only the most vocal, but she is also the head of the maternity ward. Hopefully we won't meet again. She can think I am an idiot from our 5-second conversation, and I can think she is.