I'm Going to Take My Moment

Although I didn't get my hopes up, and although my doctor told me at one of my post-op appointments that it would be unlikely I would get pregnant our first month following the super birth control I was on after my surgery, he did tell me it was possible. In the face of possibility, any infertility patient can't help but get their hopes up the teeniest, tiniest bit that they will beat the odds and get a positive test rather than an unwelcome monthly visitor. This morning I found that there would be no need for a pregnancy test. I knew the last couple of days that it would be likely I wouldn't, but I still dared to hope in my heart of hearts.

I told Hubs with a slightly heavy heart that this month was not successful and that I just needed my moment to be sad. I didn't cry, and my heart didn't break too much because I knew, afterall, that it was only a remote possibility in the first place. In addition, I have experienced some really wonderful positive changes because of the surgery, so I know it was all for something.

There are good things to be had from this though. Everything is not lost, and the little cloud only stayed a moment. I refuse to let small setbacks and disappointments get me down. Like a new year, I get to embark on a new month with the knowledge of the previous month. I have already determined that in this new month I will try new things that will help increase our chances this time around, such as eating plenty of high fat dairy, which is proven to increase fertility in women. I have already cut caffine from my diet, knowing now that it contributes to endometriosis, and decreases fertility in women; however, caffine helps men, so Hubs will continue drinking it.

There is one reason above all others that I am okay with the fact a baby did not work out for us this month, and that is that my chances of still being able to go to Scotland next September are really good. How can I be sad when I think about things that way? Yes, I want a baby, but I also want to go back to Scotland. :D And now I have another reason to want to go, and that is to meet one of the most wonderful people I've ever known, our own Beeswax.

So today I will take however long I need to be a little blue, and then I will pick myself up and look forward, with hope, to the new year and new month.

P.S. I found that listening to a little soothing Howie Day helps make the sad moments feel better. Thanks Howie.