First of all, I hate not being able to do anything except lie around like a helpless bump on a log. I always forget that just because I feel good in the moment, it doesn't mean I can be actively doing things because it is often paid for later in the form of swelling and pain. Yesterday I was feeling pretty great, so I cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the counter tops, and made bean and corn salsa with fresh homemade tortilla chips. Yeah, I was paying big time for that one later on. As a result, Hubs has made me promise not to do anything today except for lay around. He even gave me a list of things I am not allowed to do, and he is pretty serious about my sticking to it. I WAS going to try to give the dogs a bath, yes for real, but decided I don't want Hubs to be upset with me, so I will lay around on my arse to make him happy.
I forgot how much it hurts to laugh, sneeze, cough, or do anything that involves abdominal muscles. It even hurts to do ab crunches! Who knew? Totally kidding on that last one. I didn't remember how much I could dread a simple sneeze until my allergies kicked in last night. And remember how I couldn't leave the hospital until I passed gas? Well each toot has been relished like you wouldn't believe. Last night I was walking upstairs to go to bed and stopped to let one escape. It was kind of loud, and I stood there for a second hoping Hubs hadn't heard it. A split second later he shouted, "Holy crap!" It made me laugh so hard, which hurt so bad I could barely stand there.
The other thing I hoped wouldn't happen this time around, the lack of a BM (bowel movement). I remember how excruciating it was to have a BM after my first laparoscopy because when you haven't had one in days, it takes a lot of work to get things going again. I had to take a bowel prep before my surgery this time, which I didn't do before the last two, and so I thought it might get things moving quicker. No dice. The stool softeners haven't made one dang bit of difference. Can I just say I am completely dreading it? I KNOW that's gonna hurt.
The hardest thing has been not being able to pick up Baby Bean. I feel like she thinks I am not picking her up because I don't want her. Her attitude toward me has definitely changed. The first day she came to see me in the hospital, it took her a couple hours before she warmed up to me and wanted to sit with me. I'm not going to lie, it kind of hurt. I feel like she has taken this whole thing personally, and it really breaks my heart. I want nothing more than to hold her and carry her cute little butt around, but she doesn't understand that I can't. I have no idea how long I have to wait to pick her up, but it has already been way too long.
Even though I am still in the yucky post-op phase, the big picture has never left my sight. I look at Baby Bean and tell her she was all worth it, and her siblings are just as worth it as she is. I tell her I did do all of this for her, and now I am doing it all again so she will have at least one sibling. All of the children I get out of this battle will be worth it. This moment is a small blip in a very big picture. It is part of my story, and my children's stories. They will always know how very much I wanted them, and there will never be any question in their minds.
10 Thoughts:
Okay, I read this post, and was like what??? Michelle is trying to do ab crunches??? So happy you were joking on that one.
And definitely don't overdue it. Like you said. . . You'll have moments of feeling great where you think you can take on the world, but you will definitely pay for it later, so take it easy.
And I'm sure baby bean is just confused by all of this. I have no doubt you'll make up for all the lack of holding when you are feeling better. :)
Ha! I had the same reaction when reading this! Ab crunches? This woman is nuts!
I hope you feel better soon. I have had abdominal surgery, and know how excruciating it is. I remember laughing and sneezing were the worst. Not being able to pick up your little one must be the hardest part though!
This is a note from Chelle's mom:
Chelle really was taught as a child that 'tooting' out loud was not very lady-like. So you can imagine my horror to hear, after she came back from girls camp one summer, a remark from one of her counselors (the mother of boys) that she was unprepared for the belching and farting contests among the girls. When I asked if my daughter was involved, she replied, "Chelle WON!!" I guess that practice finally was good for something. LOL!!
Hey there! Um after a lap. surgery that I had they made me go to the store and buy Magnesium Citrate, (over the counter) it comes in a little glass or plastic bottle, like an ounce or something. Anyways I couldn't habve a BM for 6days, and that DID THE TRICK, and if you can get it down (tastes AWFUL) then it will make you go!!! Happy poopin:-)
And more importantly take it easy and rest and heal....
Get better soon!
Good to hear you're somewhat up and moving around and feeling okay. And definitely take it easy - I'm sure it's torture not to be able to hold your daughter but as soon as you can get back to your old self, she will forget all about this.
Good luck with umm, getting things moving down there ;-) I hope it's not so bad.
After both my laps I was popping stool softeners like candy and drinking down metamucil like water... yep, no dice there either. Good luck with that one lady!
And your daughter and future kiddos are lucky to have you for doing all this.
This post made me laugh! During my first lap 10ish years ago (gallbladder), I struggled to have a BM. I was seriously worried that it was never gonna happen. I even discussed with my mom that maybe I should call the doctor, but what would I say?!? Ummm, doc, I think my ass is broken ??? And then, finally, my bowels remembered how to do their job, saving me from an embarrassing phone call. Lol!
Yeah, I had the same problem with Dustin right after I had back surgery. I wasn't supposed to pick him up right after I had back surgery. So, I learned to sit on the edge of the couch and do an arm curl with both of my arms and my hand under his armpits to lift him up. From that position I could hold him sitting down or stand up very carefully. But, I think you've probably figured that out by now. We figure out ways around stuff like that. ;) TAKE IT EASY!!
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