As I stated in this post, I have resolved to get my IUD out (pending my doctor's approval, of course), and then take it easy and not actively try, but not prevent the first few months. For the most part, I am firm in my choice. I still feel good about it, and it is still the plan. However, I have found myself faltering in my resolve the last couple of weeks.
There is a woman who takes her child to the same daycare as my daughter who is heavily pregnant. Every time I see her beautiful belly and remember how much I loved being pregnant, I'm not sure I will be able to stick to my plan. Its like all of the OPKs and pregnancy tests are taunting me all the way from my bathroom cabinet. I am usually able to bring my feet back to the earth by remembering why I feel it is best to wait on actively trying.
Then I go to the store and see women with beautiful, brand new babies that are either peacefully sleeping or squalling, and I can literally feel my uterus lurch. It aches to house a baby as much as I ache for it to. I look at my baby girl and think how I can't wait to make her a big sister.
When I was a child I would ask my mother why she had the number of children she did, why she didn't stop at 1, 2, or 3. She always told me she kept going because she felt like her family wasn't complete, like someone was missing. Today, I know exactly what she is talking about. I look at my beautiful little family, but it feels like we aren't all here yet. I feel like we're missing two people.
I am sure I will be able to stick to my plan, but I hope my resolve isn't dissolved before I am ready.
8 Thoughts:
Because I believe in God, I just look at it like 'everything happens for a reason and according to his plan for us'. You'll get pregnant when you're meant to. I can totally see you with another one or two (or three)! Even to me it feels like bean is 'the beginning'.
It is normal to have second, third and fourth thoughts about such a big decision. You will do the right thing for you and your family, that I am sure of!
All the best!
Such a beautiful post Chelle. Hard to believe that you are just 9 days away. I hope you are able to have a lot of peace surrounding the IUD removal. I remember when I was going through all of my IF treatments, it was actually easier for me to be in between cycles. It was when I was actually trying that the nerves came out. That is why I wish peace and calmness for you, so you can enjoy this next adventure in your life.
I know how you feel. I am so baby hungry right now. I am worried that it will end up taking me another 1 1/2 years to get pregnant. I like how your mom put it. I feel like I am missing someone. I hope you can get pregnant when you are ready.
I know what you mean about someone missing. I spend a lot of time sitting in the quiet house and thinking about how empty it is right now. Will we still have that sense after we have one child? Will we feel fulfilled after 2?
Good luck with the IUD removal - follow your plan and see what happens! I'll be rooting for you!
I think anyone who has travelled the IF road would have doubts/second thoughts about trying again. You know the uncertainty and the emotional turmoil that it brings... and you wonder if you are ready to face it again. It sounds like you know what you want, you are just talking yourself up the ladder on the diving board. You'll take the leap when you are ready.
ICLW
Slow and steady wins the race! Good luck on TTC #2!
~ICLW
I understand not wanting to wait and yet also being scared after all you've been through. I think that is natural for us infertiles, because we know what can go wrong...but with your sweet baby girl, you also know what can go wonderfully right! Good luck with the next stage of your journey!
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