The Dilemma

I went back to my doctor yesterday to follow up with her on my post partum depression. She was really happy to see me smiling when she walked through the door and loved it when I told her I was doing awesome and had fought the blues with everything I had to keep from needing outside help in combating them. I was glad she saw that despite the fact that I started to cry while we were talking because being in her office and seeing her brings up so many emotions from my inner infertile. I admitted that it was going to be hard not seeing her every week from here on out.

Here I digress. Hubs and I want at least one more child, if not two. But we're not sure if that will be possible after hearing that any pregnancies from here on out will be high risk, IF we're able to get pregnant again at all, thanks to all of the scar tissue now present in my uterus. As you may recall, my doctor said it was a good thing I had a c-section because Baby Bean's placenta had implanted in the scar tissue from the removal of my uterine septum, had then began making its way through the lining, and had almost completely made its way out of my uterus. My doctor told us she was sure we would be able to have more children, but that she needed to consult with a high risk doctor first. She then proceeded to tell us that we are absolutely not allowed to conceive again for at least a year to allow my uterus time to heal.

I know what you're thinking, no big deal, right? Well, I have been positively diagnosed with endometriosis. In order to keep from getting pregnant, I have to go on some kind of contraception. My doctor stressed BIG TIME that we absolutely, positively should NOT get pregnant in the next year. Pregnancy has been shown to slow the progression of endo, which is fantastic. However, it does not stop it from coming back. Typically women with endo are put on birth control between pregnancies to help slow the progression in between children, as endo can prevent conception (as was our case the first time around). Again, no big deal. But it IS a big deal because birth control makes me a Horrid B****, even in low doses. Not only that, it apparently changes my scent and taste, which turns Hubs off. Okay, so get an IUD, you say. IUDs are non-hormonal and do not trick the body into thinking it is pregnant, which means it doesn't hold off the progression of endo.

The dilemma I am now faced with is do I go on the pill and risk being a Horrid B**** that smells and tastes funny and turns my husband off in a big way and risk getting divorced just to prevent the endo from coming back? Or do I go the IUD route and risk having to do another laparoscopy when we're ready to get pregnant again? The lap was way worse than the c-section for me. I would totally rather have a c-section than do another lap.

Abstinence is NOT an option. Condoms are less fool-proof than contraception, and not an option for my doctor.

I have to figure out which route I want to go before my next post partum visit in three weeks, and I don't like either option. I really, really don't want to do either. There is no lesser of two evils here, if you ask me. Both ideas make me sick to think about.

Why can't it be simple? Why do I have to think about these things at all? Why can't I just go with the plan Hubs and I set in place while I was still pregnant, which was to not try and to not prevent? Neither of us knows which option to pick because both present their own set of issues. I just wish that for once my reproductive organs were simple and not an area for concern. I wish there was an easy answer and an easy option.