Confession

Wow! Two posts two consecutive days in a row. I'm impressed. It is all due to the fact that Baby Bean is swaddled and sleeping peacefully in her pack-n-play and Hubs is working on his computer next to me. What else do I have to do right now besides clean out the last two bottles Baby Bean used? I guess I could finish putting together the video I started while I was pregnant, chronicaling my pregnancy to the birth of my little girl. I'll do that when I'm done here.

So, I have a confession. The other day while I was feeding the baby I was sitting in front of the TV when I noticed that Brin.ging Ho.me Ba.by was on. I am a person who loves to relate. Being able to relate makes me feel normal, and while I was deep in post partum blues, I needed someone to relate to just so that I knew I wasn't mental. Especially after my doctor told me at my appt last week that she was concerned I was a bit too deep in the blues. So I started watching BHB and relating to the women on the show. Some of them seemed to be struggling every bit as much as me, and some seemed even worse off than me. It all made me feel better. Plus I loved seeing their newborns and watching them deal with the first 36 hours at home. So what did I do? I set the DVR to record it every day so that I could sit and watch it while I feel the Baby Bean every day. I can't help myself. I love the fact that I can now relate to these women. I also started watching A Ba.by St.ory for the same reason and actually watched a c-section! The latter made me cry with emotion as I envisioned me being that woman and my baby coming out on her birth day. I could relate, and I loved it!

I do want to mention at this point that the baby blues seem to have passed. Thank heaven! I was so afraid I was going to end up on medication or in a psychiatrist office (per my doctor). I really, really didn't want that, so I battled the blues with everything I had. Hubs had a hard time watching me go through it, which is why he has been ensuring I get some good sleep every night. It is his attempt at helping me combat them. I am so happy to say they have passed. I guess I didn't realize how bad it was until yesterday when I was happily laughing that Baby Bean had smiled her first big smile at me and Hubs mentioned it had been a long time since he had heard me laugh and seen me smile like that.

I feel like I am totally stepping into this mommy role. I seriously love my child. I just can't get enough of her. The past few days have been full of smiles and laughter on my part as I completely dote on her. I am finally getting past being sad about not being pregnant with her because now I get to hold her and interact with her on a whole new level. I absolutely love it. I can't wait until she starts knowingly smiling at us.

I am thanking God every day for this wonderful opportunity and experience of being a mother. I look at her and think, "I made her. I grew her in my tummy." It is just plain incredible.