Fun Not Being Knocked Up

Over the past few days, I have actually been kind of glad this last cycle failed. First of all, I was okay with it because my brother is in town, and because I'm not pregnant, I was able to go to 6 Fl.ags this past weekend for the first time ever and ride the rides. It was also Baby Bean's first time to an amusement park. Sadly, I don't think either of us were that thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I am a total roller-coaster-riding-girl, but this past weekend, I was just wiped from the days leading up to Saturday. I had invested so much energy into hoping for a BFP, I had to invest half as much energy again into being disappointed and getting over it. Add to that, AF was in full mood swing.

I'm not sure whether Baby Bean was hot and tired, or if the park was just over stimulation overload because pretty much all she did all day was lay back in her stroller and look around. She hardly wanted to get out, save once. I took her on a couple of easy rides, and I think they made us both sick. I don't think she really cared for the rides at all. Not only that, but I could barely get her to eat anything all day. She drank plenty because she so rarely gets sugary drinks, and that day she got some of mom and dad's lemonade. That child can put down lemonade like it's no one's business, and as it was hot that day, my first priority was making sure she was hydrated.

That night as I was giving her a bath, I was thinking about the fact that I am glad I'm not pregnant right now. I enjoy life with just the three of us more than I realized. It's like now that I can have that one thing I thought I wanted so badly the last 19 months, I just don't care anymore.

Since Thursday, I have spent so much time bonding more with my daughter, appreciating her more than ever (I know, I didn't know it was possible either), being with her, and soaking her in. I also realized that this time around won't be as hard as last time, because I have my daughter already. I don't care if I don't get pregnant again because I have my gorgeous little baby girl. Do I want to have more children? Of course I do! But if I can't, or if I don't get pregnant in the next 6 months, I am okay with that because at least I have her. Every time a cycle fails, I'm not going to care, because she is here with me and that is all that matters. I am just so thankful for the child I already have. Each month I am not pregnant is another month that I can focus every part of me on her.

I hope that we are able to have a couple more children before my body decides it won't be forced into pregnancy anymore, but I am done pushing it the way I did to get my daughter. At this point, if it happens, it happens. I am done stressing myself out over it, and throwing my whole heart, mind, and body into it. I've already done that once, and I don't need that pain back in my life. I would rather enjoy my baby's toddler years while they are here than spend them worrying about getting pregnant again. It will happen when the time is right, and until then, life is perfect the way it is because I have my little sunshine.