Monday, June 25, 2007
Taking a Break
Current mood: relaxed Category: Life
This past week I have had a chance to realize that my life is so much happier when I'm not undergoing infertility treatments. Not only emotionally, but physically as well. This whole process has really been hard on my body, but even more on my hormones and emotions. Some days I go way over the edge being hormonal or even down right depressed. I've even gotten to the point where I don't see life worth living.
That last one really disturbs my husband. He told me I need to change my way of thinking and look at everything I DO have, as opposed to what I don't have. That I need to be happy about the things I do have.
This whole process has been so much worse than I ever anticipated. After having a talk this weekend, my husband and I decided that I need to take a break and get my emotions in check before we continue. Even that wasn't an easy decision.
My doctor thinks she has figured out what we need to do for the next round of treatments, and she is so optimistic about it. But at the same time this whole process is just brining me down. Then I'm afraid if we stop we will never have children. Then I realize even if we don't stop, we might still never have children. And not stopping could cost me so much more than I am willing to lose. But then I don't want to be 50 and regretting that I stopped because maybe I could have had children, but its too late at 50.
My husband tells me I need to make the best decision I can and keep telling myself I did the best I could with what I had. At this point, I would rather be happy. And in order for me to be happy, I need to take a break from this process. I need to not think about any of it.
So to my sweetie, thank you so very much for all of your patience and love. I am sincerely sorry for everything these past couple months. I am just so glad I have you by my side to help keep me sane. I promise that during our sabbaticle I will look at only the positive and good things in my life, and be more than happy about them. I love you more than the air I breathe. You mean more to me than everything in this world or the next. Thank you for being my rock.
5 Thoughts:
I remember this post. :)
our poor husbands always have to show us what really matters when we are at our worst. but that's what we loved them for as well. yep- we just had one of those convos a little bit ago.
Hey Chelle, I always find it strange that my DH is ALWAYS able to focus on the positives more that the negatives, much more than I am. I am SO SO glad that the news of baby bean came soon after this, but I can imagine reading this again brought up a whole lot of stuff, thanks for sharing it :) So glad you guys had a fun trip home too, thanks for your kind words, you always put a smile on my face ((HUGs))
Gosh - I relate to everything you just wrote here.
Infertility IS hard on the body, and it's even harder on the mind. It's hard to be happy and emotionally healthy when going through treatments.
I have so many similar feelings that you had. How long to keep going? Do you just stop the treatments and always wonder? Do you keep going even though you're out of money and your body hurts?
It's such a hard and personal decision, that's for sure. I am so happy that you and your hubby have your baby bean. :-D
I'm so glad that you are married to your hubs and he was able to be there with you as you went through the trail together.
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