- I am the type of person who even though I am not very social, I need social contact with other adults.
- I love the sense of accomplishment I get from working, and I need that. It is how I identify myself. It is who I am and what I do.
- I worked hard to earn my job title and position through years of school and then moving up the corporate ladder to a senior position. I can't just give that up.
- I love having my own income, and I make a lot of money. It certainly isn't anything to sneeze at. Losing it is not anything to be considered lightly.
- I don't do well being at home all day every day. I've had to get out of the house every day since Baby Bean was born.
- I LOVE my current job, employer, and coworkers. I am so blessed to be working in this job with this group of people. The job is fantastic, and the people are out of this world awesome. Everyone there calls their coworkers their family, and it really is a family.
- Our health benefits are currently through me and that won't change any time soon. If for no other reason, I HAVE to go back to work to ensure that my baby has health benefits in place.
However, I just want to be home with my baby. I don't want to miss a minute of her life. I don't understand why I can't have my cake and eat it too. Why can't I just be paid to be home with her? But at the same time, I NEED to be in the office. I need to get out of the house and contribute to something meaningful. I have considered the possibility of going part time, but I don't know how that would work for my employer. They need me there full time 95% of the time.
In addition to everything else, my employer paid 100% of our relocation costs when they hired me a year ago this month, and if I don't stay there for at least a year, we get to pay all of that back. The cost was almost as much as I make in a year! Yeah, it cost them a LOT of money to relocate us. I can't in good conscience walk away from them without feeling like they got their money's worth. To me that means they get at least a couple of good years out of me, especially where I got pregnant two months after relocating and they were so awesome about working with me during my pregnancy. Not to mention the fact that they gave me 8 weeks paid maternity leave when I hadn't even been there for a year yet.
When I have a hard time with it all, I try to remind myself that lots of women go back to work after having babies and they make it work. They do what they have to do. I tell myself I just need to suck it up and do what I need to do too. But that doesn't make it any easier, especially when I look at my beautiful little girl.
How does any mother manage this? I have no choice, yet I do, but I don't, but I do.
7 Thoughts:
Don't worry.... I hear many people at work saying that they're better mothers because they work. Although they sometimes miss things, they are more patient, and thankful when they are home because they only have a few house to spend with them! Also, just remember how much money you'll be SAVING by going to work, instead of trying to get out of the house everyday!
You'll be a GREAT working mommy!!!
I'm sorry you have to face going back already. It seems so short, doesn't it? I hope that you find ways to make it work and be okay with it!
I wish I knew the right thing to tell you to make you feel better about whatever decision you make. Being a working mom is definately not a cake walk. I do however know that I need the little break away from home. I also know that I do feel more accomplished when I go into work. It has also paid off because of my hubby's job situation. There are so many things I could tell you good and bad about it, but I know it would take way too long to do that over a comment. Feel free to get online and talk to me or call me.
I just went back to work - and I have to admit, it's good for both of us. Hulk gets socialized and a different, fun place to be at during the day - and I get a little break. I know it may sound bad to some that we need a 'break' from this much wanted little ones, but it's really hard working caring for an infant 24/7.
And for the part about missing milestones? You would probably miss some even if you were at home. I know that I was in the kitchen, and I heard hulk giggling and giggling, and I came into the room to see what was going on - he was playing with a toy. I mean REALLY playing with it. I totally missed the first time he held the toy - but I got the joy of watching him continue to master it.
I know *EXACTLY* how you feel. It is hard going back to work, for all of the reasons you listed. But, you learn to live for the weekends and to make the most out of every moment that you get with your baby.
Hiya cupcake, stay at home vs go to work... work at home?
I hated having to go back to work too. I had to leave Cecily when she was just 5 1/2 weeks old so that I could attend university and it broke my heart every morning. But in hindsight I would do it again, it taught Cecily that I could leave her and that I would come back, it taught me not to be so clingy too. Perhaps giving Cecily the gift of independence has helped to make her the strong and happy woman she is today.
Chat soon... Liz
I still struggle with this to this very day! and my kids are 8 and 5.
:(
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