The Good News and the Bad News

My appointment on Thursday resulted in good news and bad news. The good new is that I am healing remarkably well and that I am 4 lbs from my prepregnancy weight. So why do I still look 4 months pg? lol

I asked my doctor if she had had a chance to talk to the high risk doctor yet, and she hadn't, but promised to talk to him that day and give me a call later that evening. For the 6 1/2 weeks leading up to that appointment all I wanted to know was if we would be able to have more children, so it was a major letdown to get there and still not have an answer. I asked her if she thought we would, knowing our history and about the new complication. Her answer was a grave, "I think it will be really risky." So not what I wanted to hear.

She proceeded to tell me that we wouldn't have problems getting pregnant, but that the pregnancy itself could present major complications to both the baby and me. The scar tissue from the septum removal, now a uterine rupture because of Baby Bean's placenta implanting in it and making its way through the uterine lining, is at the top of my uterus, which is where placentas usually implant. If baby #2 also implants there, we are looking at some potentially serious complications and they are riskier the second time around than they were the first time.

Long story short, I will never have a full term pregnancy again. I will not be allowed to experience labor contractions the second time around because they could cause the placenta to push through the uterine lining, thinning it out, and potentially leading to bleeding by either the baby, me, or both of us in which case, the baby will be taken ASAP. The list of complications went on, but I won't get into all of them. The only complication I am honestly worried about is premature birth, which comes with a whole slew of problems for the baby.

Of course I ended up in tears the whole time we were talking about the riskiness of another pregnancy. I really just want one more for Baby Bean's sake. My baby has no cousins close to us. We don't have any friends with children who will be her age. I grew up with siblings and I love them all very dearly. I want Baby Bean to have siblings and cousins like I did. Knowing she cannot have the latter, I want to at least provide her with a brother or sister. She needs to have a sibling. The thought that I might not be able to do that for her tears me apart.

We left the doctor's office with my eyes all red and puffy, praying to God that I would be cleared for a future pregnancy.

Later that night, I got the call I had been waiting for on pins and needles all day. We have been cleared to try again! The only caveat is that we have to wait for at least a year to allow my body time to heal from the rupture. My doctor is hopeful that the lining will grow back thicker than it was during my last pregnancy because of the repair.

My next pregnancy will absolutely be high risk and will be monitored very closely. We will have to have an MRI around week 24 to determine the placement of the placenta, at which point a plan will be formed, if necessary. I have been made aware of the potential complications and all of the end results. We just have to pray that things go smoothly.

After hearing that we were cleared to try again in a year, being on birth control didn't seem so bad. Why was I so upset about being on the pill when I was facing the possibility of not being able to try again? It seems so menial now. I'm just over the moon that we will get to try for more.