"God Put You in My Path"

The title of this post is a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, The Four Fe.thers, with He.ath Led.ger. If you haven't seen it, do. It is a wonderful movie.

But all of that is beside the point of this post.

Exactly two years ago I was interviewing for my current job. When I had posted my resume the month before, I wondered if I was making the right decision. All I knew was that my current life sucked (thanks to a sh*tty job and infertility) and I needed to leave it all behind. Over the next few months, everything in my life fell into place, unlike the past year where my life had been slowly unraveling like a cheap sweater.

Three weeks into my new job, I met the woman who would become my best friend. Well, we met before I had been there for three weeks, but we connected and bonded instantly one day when I stopped her to talk to her. Honestly, she looked familiar and I didn't know why. Come to find out we had been in all of the same places at the same times throughout our lives and never met. In fact, we had both just moved here to Texas from the Rocky Mountains. We went to the same university, and she used to work at a bookstore I frequented after I was married.

Since becoming instant best friends, we have found our meeting more than coincidental. We have been an answer to each other's prayers in so many ways. I was at her desk the morning I exhibited my first pregnancy symptom. I stood up to walk away from her desk and fell over on her from a dizzy spell.

I went back to work on Friday after my sono, thinking I would try to muddle through the rest of the day and hoping to take my mind off things (idiot). One of my other best friends came over to talk to me after I sent her an IM about my appointment. She was at my desk comforting me when my best friend's bright red head popped around the corner. (She works in a different building from me, so we have to actively get up and walk across a parking lot to come see each other. She is always insanely busy, so it is rare when she comes to my desk.) She claimed she was coming to get chocolate, but stopped midsentence when she saw my blotchy, red, tear-stained face.

My sweet friend is my age and is single. Upon hearing about my appointment and questioning why God was dealing me this hand after I had finally played out the first two he dealt me, she began to cry as she squatted down on the floor next to me and put her hands on my knees. She looked me in the eye and said, "Maybe you are the answer to my prayers."

Both her and my other friend offered very sincerely to surrogate for me that day. I know they mean it, but I don't think either of them have really thought it through.

That night when my husband got home from work, he proved to have zero emotional capacity for me. Suffice it to say, I needed to get out of the house and do something mindless, so I called my best friend, told her what was going on, and asked if she wanted to go to a movie that night. She did, and I let Hubs know. Sadly, I let him know shortly after he apologized.

My best friend and I went to dinner before the movie. We pulled into a parking spot and sat in the car, talking for a bit. She offered again to surrogate if I was willing to go that route. I thanked her from the bottom of my heart. She then told me that the day before she moved to Texas, her cousin had offered to give her a blessing for her journey. She accepted. At the end of the blessing, he told her that he didn't say half of what came out of his mouth, that God had. She told me that in that blessing, he said that he knew she needed to move here because there was someone here who needed her. We both wept as she told me she thinks that person is me.

At dinner we discussed surrogacy again. I told her that I didn't want her to offer it until she knew exactly what she was signing up for. I know she is coming from her heart, but so am I. I told her I couldn't put her through that knowing what it involves and dealing with the potential hurt she can and will feel. She insisted despite what I told her about cycling and having to give the baby over in the end. She told me that my allowing her to surrogate might be her only chance at motherhood, and thereby making us and this a blessing and a gift to each other.

I have never been open to the option of surrogacy, until now.

How can I question or be upset with God for my current situation when he has put such a wonderful blessing in my path? I have never in all my life had such a wonderful, true, deep friend. I never knew such a friendship could exist. The thought that our bond could forever be cemented by her being a surrogate for me is something I am completely open to. I welcome and relish the thought.

I have talked to Hubs about it, and he is on board with whatever I decide.

Of course we are going to explore surgery first, but the thought and idea that such a genuine, heartfelt offer was made is beyond words and emotion. How could I ever in a million years tell or show her how much I appreciate our bond? There aren't enough flowers and thank you cards in the world. The feeling I get inside is like falling through endless space, but in a very full way.

I feel like the words I have written out can't even do the gesture or the moment justice. All I can say is that I am grateful beyond words. Not just to my one friend, but to both of them.

God really doesn't close a door without opening another.