REALLY?!

I am an exception to every rule. I am a trend bunker. The odd man out. The one always on the outside of the circle. Sure, some of you are here with me, but most of you are not. For those of you who are, do you often feel the way I do, in that I get very, very tired of being a trend bunker?

Do you know what this is?

Look really closely. Do you see that little vertical line crossing the horizontal line? It's very faint, so you will have to look close.

That my friends is a false positive pregnancy test.

I am officially 4 days late for my period. Yet somehow, I am not pregnant. The test in the picture above is one of five, and the only one of five that is positive. The first of pair in which one was negative and the other was positive. Here's the story of how it came to be:

Yesterday (Tuesday) I was at work telling my Super Fertile BFF (whom I very sincerely love, and she knows it) that AF was officially two days late. She told me I should take a pregnancy test and get it over with, but I kept telling her I couldn't do it. Keep in mind this is my first non-medicated cycle since November. Instead, I made a call to my RE's office to let them know I was late, as Dr. D always tells me to call him as soon as I know AF is MIA. They wanted to see me the next day, but Dr. D works at an office 45 minutes from me on MWF, so I opted to wait until Thursday morning when he works at the one nearest me.

Over the next half hour or so, my BFF finally talked me into going home at lunch to take a pregnancy test. She drove me there and waited while I took a specimen that I then dipped two tests into; one was a digital test and the other the old fashioned line test. She took the line test, and I took the digital. As she watched the line test, and smile began to cross her face. I didn't get excited yet. I have been infertile long enough that I don't get my hopes up easily. I waited until the digital test read, "BFLMAON!" (Which means, Big Fat Laughing My A$$ Off Negative!) My friend and I then stood there analyzing the tiny, barely visible vertical line, taking it into different lights to see if we could still see it. Finally we decided it was possible, and left to get some lunch.

That night I went and picked up some FRERs after my acupuncture session. Surely if I had gotten a hint of a positive on a Cl.ear B.lue, it would show up on a FRER.

BFLMAON

Fine. I decided to take two tests this morning with FMU. A CB and a FRER.

Both of them: BFLMAON

There is NO sign of AF. My girls are sore. I have been dizzy as hell and almost every bit as tired. In fact I came home from work yesterday, curled up on my bed with Baby Bean, and fell asleep while she watched D.ora until her dad got home at 6:30. Even then it took everything I had to keep from going back to sleep. Oh yes, I have been nauseous too. So much so today that I hardly ate, and when I did, I wished I hadn't.

But...

I am not pregnant.

I don't get it.

I can't even begin to tell you about the feelings stewing around inside me right now.

I called Dr. D's office this morning and left a message (because I never get through to a person; ever), and begged the nurse to order a blood test STAT. No one ever called me back. Thanks a lot. I appreciate all you do to help keep my infertile anxiety down. It means the world to me.

My husband called this morning and I broke down bawling my eyes out as I finally told him what was going on. Let's just say he is so crap at sympathy that we aren't talking tonight. I knew better than to tell him anything. But I was weak and needed comfort.

Tomorrow morning I plan on marching into Dr. D's office and demanding a prescription to kick start AF. Apparently something I have been doing has halted her regularly-scheduled visit. Believe me when I say I honestly do not think I am pregnant, despite everything. And even if I am, I think the fact the pregnancy tests all came back negative is a bad sign, especially at 16dpo.

To my husband: Yes babe, I am apparently this important to the universe, because it definitely has it in for me. This just proves it even further.