A Weekend Full of "See Ya Later"

This past weekend was the one I have dreaded since I knew I would eventually be moving to Texas when I married my sweetie. The weekend full of tears and saying, "see you later." It all started Friday when I packed up the last of my office at work and went to lunch with my coworkers for the last time. I was touched at how many of my coworkers came to see me off, complete with cards and small gifts from a few of them. I had told them all that I was going to peel out of the parking lot on my last day, but my eyes were welled up with tears, and I didn't have the heart to give my car the extra bit of gas necessary. As I left the office, however, I knew this was only the begging of the hard farewells.

Saturday morning I drove up to my parent's to spend the day and that night with my family and my oldest friends. I spent the morning with my dad doing what we like best on a Saturday morning together: going to the chiropractor, buying chocolate covered grapes from our favorite confectioner, and going to lunch. It has been a tradition with us for years.

That afternoon I went to get my last wax and hair cut from the hair dresser I have really come to appreciate the past three years. Her shoes will not be easily filled in Texas.

That evening I went to dinner with my family and my best friend of the last seven years and his wife. After dinner we sat around at my parent's house and reminisced with another old friend who dropped in. We talked about all of the funniest things the three of us ever did together and laughed so hard my sides hurt. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Then came a tough goodbye, when I told my best friend and his wife farewell. I was lucky that I was not only able to hold back the tears, but the emotion as well. My remaining friend joined my little brother and me for a late movie. After the movie, we parted ways, and my brother and I went home. He went to bed, and I stayed up going through the last of my boxes in an attempt to minimize the things I took with me.

Sunday morning saw the first of the hardest farewells, my mom. Its funny how sometimes we don't realize how much we actually need someone until we know that that person will not be able to be there for us on a moment's notice. My mom has been there for me so much the past year and a half as I underwent infertility treatments. I held my mother tight and we both cried softly, while trying to tell our breaking hearts that I would be back in a month for a weekend visit.

Last night brought yet another hard farewell, my brother. My little brother and I have always been really close. We always say that we were supposed to be twins, but were born 4 years apart for some reason. He came down for a final visit at this address as soon as he was done playing military. He stayed for a few hours and we ate dinner, watched a movie, and I helped him with his homework. When he got up to start getting ready to leave, my heart started to break, and the tears streamed unmercifully down my face. All I could do was shake my head to indicate I didn't want him to go. We took our time saying our farewells, shedding tears, echoing promises of visits, and then he got in his car and drove away, leaving me crying and freezing on the front porch with my dog. All I could think was, "This just plain sucks!"

The last of the hardest farewells is being reserved for Thursday, when my dad will come down to see us off. All I can say is that I'm glad I won't be the one who is driving, because that farewell is going to be TOUGH. I am a daddy's girl through and through. I will just have to remind myself that we can still go get chocolate covered grapes every time I come to town.

Sometimes I find myself getting upset about the fact that I am leaving, and have to remind myself that this was my choice. It is in those moments I think to myself, "I really hope this is what you want." My heart breaks and tears stream down my face. I've told myself a dozen times since Friday that I reserve the right to be sad for now, and that it is okay. Even though this is my choice, I don't always have to be okay with every minute of it. This is a major life-changing event, and I need to accept the way it makes me feel without trying to fight it. The future is bright, and I have so many exciting things ahead of me. My opportunities will become opportunities for the ones I love as well. All I can do now is look forward, with hope, to the future.