Going for a Loop-di-Loop

A very small part of me is looking forward to the end of the holidays simply because all of the preparation that goes into Christmas will be over. That part is very, very small though. I love this time of year, and I love all of the craziness that comes with it. This year it seems like craziness is so much worse than in years past though. I am still struggling, zooming from one minute to the next to get to that point where I can finally sit back, relax with a cup of hot chocolate and enjoy all of my hard work in the form of a decorated tree, wrapped presents, lights on the house and in the yard, batches and batches of gingerbread cookies made complete with icing, Christmas cards posted, and gifts sent off.

Right now, despite the fact that all of my shopping was done before Thanksgiving, I am still a long ways away from that vision.

Now for something completely different.

I have a date with my RE on CD 10. That's right, this month was another Big Fat Failure on the baby front. I had called my RE's office on Friday when I started spotting 3 days early to make an appointment to get in to see him. I want to talk to him face to face about this problem and see what he thinks could be the cause, since it is obviously not low progesterone (my number last month was 28 - really high).

The lady who does his scheduling never called me back after I left a message, and I admit, I was bummed. They are usually so good about calling back. Today my husband woke me up from my nap because my RE was on the phone! He had gone into the office today to check the voice mail for the lady who handles the scheduling because she was on vacation.

This man obviously loves his job and cares about his patients. We talked for about 20 minutes while I told him what has been going on and explained I had already seen my OB to rule out anything obvious. So he wants to check my lining on CD 10 to determine if the problem is related to low estrogen, resulting in a thin lining, or if I just have a cranky ute from the surgery.

The thing that is most frustrating for me is that there is no "typical" with me because of my "impressive defect" (Dr. D's exact words). No one else has had this problem that any of the doctors I have seen can find. So no one can tell me this mid-cycle spotting is normal for my surgery or not. No one can say this should or shouldn't happen. There isn't a list of things my doctors should look for

"I am a lone reed." ~You've G.ot Mai.l

So, of course I am gearing up for another month in the trenches, once I got over the initial disappointment, of course. I am going to work on a better diet this next month that is geared toward fertility and see if that makes a difference. I also ordered another fertility supplement tonight that I will test out over the next couple of months and let you all know what I think. I have even decided that once my FSA kicks in in January, I am going to shell out for the hoo-ha sensor for my monitor. (Just in case you didn't know, the fertility monitor is considered FSA-reimbursable in most cases.)

I have realized over the last couple of days that I can never hand this fight over to God completely. I need to feel that I am doing my part. It isn't so much that I need control as it is I feel like I need to be proactive. I need to make sure that I feel like I am doing everything I can to make this happen, and for me that involves monitors, OPKs, supplements, and dietary adjustments. I'm okay with that. Especially because the last two will help get my body in better shape to accept a pregnancy. As I said in my last post, I am who I am, and I accept that.

In closing, I want to ask for prayers on behalf of my sister who delivered my baby niece yesterday at 30 weeks pregnant. She had gone in for another blood transfusion on the baby when they realized there was no amniotic fluid. So far both of them are doing really well. Please send them your love and prayers that things will continue to go well. Once again, you can visit her blog for details.